


Jackson and Lila Moments

by LazyDaizy



Series: Daddy [4]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Jughead and Betty as parents, fluffy fluff, making it work, relationship moments, rich boy poor girl, spanning the relationship of Jackson and Lila
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 10:43:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 70,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14353851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazyDaizy/pseuds/LazyDaizy
Summary: Jackson is the son of Jughead and Betty from the fic DADDY.  He is 16 and starting to date Lila and this is moments in their story.  There will be Bughead in the background but not too much.  This IS NOT a Bughead fic.  Does not need to be read if you've read the Daddy series.  Although, if you're reading this, you should read that series first.  There was a lot of interest for the story of these two cuties and ive decided to make this collection of their relationship moments.  Not sure how often I will be adding to it, but it will be an on going project.





	1. The Date

**Author's Note:**

> Man, getting into the brain of a 16 year old was hard. Hopefully you all like it lol

Jackson was nervous. He had been nervous all day and apparently so was Lila, because despite having text back and forth for half the night, she had suddenly declined his ride school that morning and had avoided him during the day, only smiling shyly at him when he’d catch her eye before dropping her gaze. She hadn’t been at the football stands at lunch where he had asked to join her and he had gotten nervous. When he had text her asking if they were still on for the date, she had immediately answered and said _yes_ and to pick her up at 6:30, rather than 6:00. When he’d asked if she was alright, she had insisted she was but he wasn’t sure. 

He was checking to make sure he had enough cash in his wallet and turned to leave when he saw his mother leaning against his bedroom door frame.

“Hey mom,” he said with a smile. She pulled away from the frame and walked over to him and proceeded to pick imaginary lint off his shoulders and he sighed and rolled his eyes. “It’s fine, mom,” he muttered.

“Listen mister, you may tower over me already, but you will always be my sweet baby boy and if I want to make sure you look perfect for your first date, then dammit, I’m going to!” she insisted, her eyes suddenly glassing over with tears.

“God, mom, don’t cry,” he groaned and she sniffed and frowned at him.

“It’s a big deal,” she insisted. 

“It’s not a big deal,” Jackson insisted. She raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, it’s a big deal, but you’re making me nervous, so stop it,” he sighed.

“Be a gentleman, give her your full attention, stay off your phone and don’t do anything your father would do,” she added with a smile. 

“I don’t want to know,” Jackson said with a grimace. He almost laughed out loud when he saw a faint blush on his mom’s cheeks. His parents had been together and in love for 14 years and they still acted like teenagers with each other and Jackson could only hope he found something as wonderful as they seemed to have. “Okay, I have to go,” he said firmly and gave her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek and headed for the front door.

“Jackson?” his father’s voice stopped him as he was walking by his office and Jackson turned and stopped in the doorway.

“What’s up?” he asked. 

“If you plan on kissing her, make sure you eat some mints,” his father said with a smirk as he threw him a pack of the candy. Jackson caught them and grinned. That was his father, Jughead Jones, writer extraordinaire. He didn’t mince words when it came to the important things. “Don’t stay out too late,” he added and Jackson nodded and grabbed his leather jacket and headed to his vehicle.

When he pulled up in front of Lila’s house, he took a deep breath to calm his racing heart and got out and walked up to the front door, ringing the doorbell. It opened a few moments later to reveal a woman about his mom’s age and was obviously Lila’s mother. She looked very much like her.

“Jackson Jones,” she said with a fixed stare, looking like she wanted to throw him off the porch.

“Yes ma’am,” he said nervously. 

“Oh Jesus, don’t call me ma’am, I’m not that old,” the woman said with an eye roll as she stepped back and gestured him inside. Jughead smiled and stepped into the small entry way. It was a small home, but clean and pretty and he smiled at the woman.

“You have a lovely home,” he said politely.

“Thank you,” she said with a smile. “Lila should be down in a minute. She was just finishing up.” Jackson nodded and shoved his hands in his pocket. The woman studied him for a moment. “Did your mother tell you that we take a spin class together?” she asked.

“No, she didn’t,” Jackson said, sounding surprised. 

“I like your mom and she tells me you’re a good kid and I believe her,” she said. Jackson nodded and smiled. “Lila really likes you,” she added softly. “And I know where you live.” 

“Understood,” Jackson said with a quick nod. He was relieved that Lila came down the stairs just then and he smiled when he saw her. He was thankful that she looked the same as always, jeans and t-shirt like him with her ponytail and glasses. If they were themselves, they could relax.

“I want her home by 10:00,” her mother said firmly.

“Mom, seriously?” Lila exclaimed.

“10:00!”

“She’ll be home,” Jackson said and Lila grabbed his hand and pulled him from the house.

Once they were in the SUV, Jackson turned and smiled at her and she gave him a small smile and clasped her hands together. 

“You look nice,” he said with a smile and she blushed and gave a shrug.

“I didn’t dress up,” she said, her voice small. “I look the same as always.”

“Well, that’s how I like you,” Jackson said softly. He felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest, having her so close to him, even if she was in the passenger seat. She smelled like flowers and he had a mad urge to lean closer and give her a kiss but he figured it was too early in the date to be doing something like that. He noticed she was blushing at the way he was staring at her. He turned and reached behind the seat and pulled out a small bag.

“It’s probably customary to buy flowers for a first date, but I thought you’d enjoy this more,” he said with a twinkle in his eye. Lila took the bag and reached in, pulling out a book. “It’s my dad’s latest and he signed it for you. He didn’t have new copies of the rest of his books but he promises to get some.”

“Oh,” she said in a breathy gasp, holding the book like it was a rare treasure. “Thank you so much!” she exclaimed, holding it to her chest. “I haven’t read it yet and I’ve been meaning to buy it.”

“No need,” Jackson smiled. 

He started the vehicle and pulled away from the curb and headed back across the tracks.

“So, where are we going?”

“I thought maybe you’d like to go to Pop’s?” he suggested as they drove.

“Oh, yeah sure,” Lila said softly and he looked at her, sensing some hesitancy on her part.

“You don’t want to?” he asked.

“No, it’s fine. I really like the food and milkshakes,” she insisted. Jackson let out a sigh and suddenly pulled over and she looked at him in surprise. He turned and looked at her and she was chewing her lip nervously.

“Okay, you need to tell me what’s wrong,” he said quietly. “You avoided me all day and now it seems like you don’t even want to go out.”

“I do want to go out,” she said with a sigh. “I’m just really nervous.”

“Why? Why did you avoid me at school?”

“I guess I feel a little overwhelmed. Nobody really likes me Jackson,” she said sadly. “You’re the most popular boy at school and I guess I’m scared of how people will react if they see us together. Like, will they make comments or say mean things, like you could do better, or something like that? I guess maybe I’m not ready for the questions and gossip.” Jackson reached over and took her hand.

“You believe me, when I say that I like you, right?” he asked anxiously, his heart feeling a little twisted. She nodded quickly and smiled.

“I do believe you, Jax. It’s not you I’m worried about.”

“I won’t let anyone say anything mean,” Jackson insisted. 

“You can’t control that,” she said with a small smile.

“Well, I’m sure going to try,” he insisted and her smile got bigger. “So tell me why you don’t want to go to Pop’s.”

“Someone might see,” she sighed. “God, I feel like an idiot Jackson,” Lila said in frustration, her eyes filling with tears. 

“Hey, don’t,” he said softly. “I’m so sorry that people have been so mean that you feel like you need to hide. I wish I had been more aware and I don’t know how I wasn’t, given how much I’ve stared at you for the last two years.” Lila let out a small giggle, her face turning red with a blush and she quickly blinked away her tears. “I know this seems like something completely arrogant to say, but if you’re with me, nobody will bother you. I want to go to Pop’s with you and I want to hang out with you at school because I want everyone to know how much I like you.”

“I don’t know why you do. You don’t really know me that well yet,” she said with a laugh. 

“I know enough,” Jackson insisted with a grin. “So, it’s up to you. Where do you want to go?” Lila thought about it for a while and then sighed and smiled.

“We can go to Pop’s. Like my mom always tells me; screw the haters.”

“That’s my girl,” Jackson said before he thought better of it. She blushed again and he decided it was literally the best thing ever, to make Lila Jordon blush. They arrived at Pop’s and there wasn’t that many people there, but there were enough school kids where Lila knew that the news would travel fast. Jackson took her hand and winked at her and she had to bite back a grin as he led her to a table and slid into the seat beside her as opposed to across from her. 

“You’re a bit of a shit disturber, aren’t you,” she laughed. 

“Maybe,” he admitted with a small laugh. “I kind of like sticking it to assholes. I get it from my dad.” 

“People are looking,” she said in a whisper.

“Let them,” he whispered back. They ordered some shakes and burgers and Jackson leaned back into the corner of the seat and she turned so she could face him better.

“So, you keep saying you’ve liked me since we were 14, why didn’t you ever tell me? And what made you like me at 14?” she asked shyly.

“Honestly? At 14 it was simply because I thought you were pretty,” he said with a slight blush of his own. 

“Ponytails and glasses do it for you?” she asked with a smile.

“That must be it,” he laughed. “You’re very pretty Lila and once I realized that, I started watching you, God that sounds a bit creepy, but I started watching you and I realized how incredibly smart you were and kind, even though it seemed like you had no friends because you were always alone, you were kind to everyone. I never told you I liked you because despite my supposed status as Mr. Popular, I’m not the most confident guy and actually really shy,” he shrugged.

“I don’t believe that,” she insisted. “God, Jackson, everybody loves you and you never seem unsure.”

“Believe me, it’s an act. I’m kind of a mixture of my parents. My father is quite confident but it’s a quiet confidence that he developed after the awkward teen years, or so he’s told me and he still has moments where he’s unsure and he always tells me that it’s my mom who brings out the best in him and my mother is very successful, but she still struggles with anxiety and I get that from her. So, while I’m confident, I still get anxious and wonder if I’m doing things right. I also struggle with wondering why people like me, because most of the time I’m convinced it’s because of who my parents are and if it wasn’t for being the son of Jughead and Betty Jones, nobody would like me.”

“I would,” Lila said softly. “I think people genuinely like you, Jax, because you’re the nicest guy at school and you don’t’ let your social status get to your head. I watch you too and I don’t know if anybody else notices but I see you always helping people and then there’s the fact that you buy an extra sandwich every single day at lunch and give it to Joseph.” Jackson felt his neck grow warm at her admission. 

“I didn’t realize anybody noticed that,” he said with a nervous chuckle.

“Why do you buy him a sandwich?”

“I…uh…a while back I saw him go into the garbage after lunch when everyone had left and he took a half eaten sandwich and I didn’t want to embarrass him so the next day I just gave him a sandwich and I could tell that he realized I had seen and he was really embarrassed and I didn’t say anything, I just smiled at him and I just started buying him a sandwich every day. We’ve never actually talked because when I try, he just kind of runs away but I can see his _thank you_ in his eyes and I just keep doing it, trying to be sneaky about it because he doesn’t want anybody to know that he can’t afford a lunch. It’s our secret I guess.” Lila was just staring at him, something in her eyes that he couldn’t quite identify and he felt his heart start to race and his gut clench a little. “What?” he asked nervously. Even with her glasses, he saw her eyes again glaze with tears and he was thinking that making a girl almost cry twice in one date was probably not a good way to start dating someone.

“I know, Joseph,” she said softly. “He lives 3 houses down from me and they are very poor. His dad is in jail and his mom has an addiction problem and he takes care of his little sister most of the time all on his own. My mom and I bring them food a lot and sometimes he doesn’t eat cause he wants to make sure that there is enough food for a few days for his sister. I guess sometimes they run out sooner than we realize,” she said sadly. “I think you may be the sweetest boy on the planet,” she whispered, wiping at the tear that rolled down her cheek.

“Thank you,” Jackson said smiling softly. She reached over and took his hand and gave it a squeeze. Their food arrived right then and they ate and chatted about school and when he finished, he leaned back with a happy sigh.

“You eat really fast,” she giggled, still working on her fries. He smiled and grabbed one and she slapped his hand. “I don’t share food,” she informed him laughing. 

“I love food, I again get that from my dad and the reason my mother thinks I eat fast is because me and him are racing to get all the food we can so the other doesn’t eat it,” Jackson said with a grin as he grabbed another fry, despite her protests. She gave up trying to keep his fingers off her plate and let him eat them. 

“So, we both like to eat and not share food. This could make for some interesting dates,” he observed.

“Will there be more than one?” she asked shyly.

“I hope so,” Jackson said softly, his hand moving to straighten her glasses, which had a tendency to sit crooked. She blushed and lifted her hand and touched his.

“My glasses are annoying,” Lila said with a chuckle.

“I like them. They’re cute,” he admitted.

“Nobody thinks glasses are cute, Jax,” she said with a giggle, a giggle he was beginning to love hearing. “They make me look like a dork.”

“A beautiful dork.” She bit her lip at his words, her face flushed and her eyes shining. 

“You’re very sweet,” she said softly. He helped her finish her food and they left the diner. 

“You want to walk a little bit?” he asked. 

“Sure.” Jackson took her hand and laced his fingers through hers and smiled when he felt the slight squeeze she gave him.

“So what do you want to do when you’re done high school?” he asked as they started down the sidewalk.

“Dance,” Lila said immediately. “I’m applying to Juilliard and I know it’s a slim chance, but that’s like my dream to go there and study.”

“That’s amazing. I’ve watched you dance and I think you’d get in,” Jackson said with a nod.

“I’m applying for a scholarship and I know it’s a long shot, but it’s the only way I could afford to go, so fingers crossed. What about you? What are your plans for after school?”

“I want to be a teacher,” he said a little sheepishly.

“Really? That’s amazing Jackson. I think you’d be wonderful at it.”

“My friends make fun of me all the time. Like telling me I could be anything and why I’d want to do something so mediocre.”

“Your friends are idiots, Jax. Teachers are amazing and having to put up with what they do, I think they should be approved for sainthood. I say go for it. You’ll be great at it, I can just tell.”

“That’s what my mom tells me,” he chuckled. “But she’s a little biased.” 

“Your mom is very smart,” Lila insisted, wrapping her arm around his. She shivered in the night air and he stopped and pulled off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. “You’re only in a t-shirt and I have a sweater,” she said, even as she wrapped it around herself.

“I’m good,” he said with a shrug. They walked in silence for a while before he spoke again. “So, do you live alone with your mom?”

“Yeah,” Lila said softly, gripping his hand that he had taken in his again. “My dad left when I was three and it’s been just the two of us since then. She works real hard to keep the roof over our head and I do a shift a couple times a week after school at the coffee shop near my house to pay for dance, otherwise we couldn’t afford it,” she said with a sigh and then she winced. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to just dump that. I’m not looking for pity or anything. I have a good life and I can’t complain.”

“It’s okay,” he said with a smile. “I like knowing more about you.”

“I guess you’ve had a pretty easy life, huh?” she asked quietly.

“Yeah, I guess,” Jackson said softly. “My dad wasn’t in our life until I was two and my mom said life was pretty tough when it was just me and her. I’m grateful that he found us.”

“Your parents did a good job with you,” Lila said with a smile. “You’re so down to earth and sweet and you don’t let anything go to your head.”

“Well, my dad once told me and I think his exact words were _‘if I ever see you act like a pretentious jerk and treat people bad because you have it better than them, I’m cutting you off and sending you to live with your grandmother’_ ” Jackson said laughing. “It was the having to live with my grandmother part that scared me into being the best I can be.”

“You don’t get along with her?”

“It’s a long story that I’ll save for another time,” he shrugged. They walked a while longer, talking about this and that and soon had circled the block and were back at the diner.

“I guess I should take you home,” he said, almost regretfully. He opened the door for her and she climbed in the vehicle and she smiled as he ran around to his side. When they pulled up in front of her house, he turned the engine off and they sat for a few moments smiling at each other.

“I had fun,” she said softly. “And I’m sorry about today. I won’t avoid you anymore.”

“Good,” Jackson said as his eyes wandered over her face. “I had a great time too and I’d really like to pick you up for school on Monday. Can I do that?” She bit her lip and nodded and his eyes went there, thinking he wanted to kiss her like he had done the previous day.

“Can I ask you something?” Lila asked quietly, her eyes on her lap.

“Anything.”

“Are you being completely serious and honest with me? I know you keep saying it but I need to hear it one more time. You really like me? You want us to go on more dates?” she asked nervously. 

“I really like you,” Jackson said smiling. “I was kind of hoping you’d want to make this a steady thing. Be my girl?”

“You want me to be your girlfriend?” she asked breathlessly. She was searching his face for any hint of uncertainty and he felt so anxious like he couldn’t breathe. He knew she was unsure and scared and there was a good chance that she wouldn’t want to risk it.

“Yes,” he spoke softly, his leg jumping nervously as he waited for her to say something.

“Okay,” she whispered, a happy smile on her face. Jackson let out the breath he was holding and wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans. He suddenly felt like jumping up and down in excitement. The girl he had been wanting for so long was going to be his and he almost couldn’t believe it. He reached over and slowly took her glasses off and was mesmerized by the chocolate color of her eyes. Even in the dim light, he could see the gold flecks and he couldn’t help himself and leaned in and kissed her. He honestly had no idea if he was doing it right but he figured he must be when he felt her hand touch his cheek and felt her kissing him back.

“That was really nice,” she whispered when he pulled back. He smiled and carefully put her glasses back on and then he kissed her again. When he pulled away he noticed her breathing was a little hitched and he thought it was fitting because he was in much the same condition. He got out of the vehicle and ran around and opened the door and walked her up to the front porch. 

“Text me when you get home?” she asked softly. He nodded and she shrugged out of his jacket and handed it back to him. He put it on and then pulled her in for a hug.

“I had a good time,” he said again and she squeezed him tight and pulled away. 

“Goodnight Jackson,” she whispered and he leaned down and quickly kissed her again and she grinned at him and hurried inside, closing the door after her. Jackson let out a happy sigh and headed back to his SUV. He missed her already and he couldn’t wait till Monday.

 

After getting grilled by her mother for details, Lila went into her room and closed the door before flopping down on the bed with a grin across her face. Jackson Jones, the sweetest and most gorgeous guy she knew, liked her and wanted her to be his girlfriend. She rolled over and hugged a pillow to herself and touched her lips with her fingers. He was a good kisser. Not that she had anyone to compare him to, but it felt amazing and her lips were still tingling. She couldn’t wait until Monday. She was very nervous about people finding out and wondered what they would say, but for right now, she was so ridiculously happy, she pushed it to the back of her mind and just went over every detail of the date in her mind from beginning to end. When his text came half an hour later, she curled up under the covers of her bed and opened her phone.

_Jax: Home safe and I miss you already._

Lila: Me too. So, how was your evening? ;)

_Jax: Well, let me tell you about it….i went out with this really great girl….. :)_


	2. Monday

Lila chewed her lip nervously as Jackson pulled his SUV into the parking lot at school and found an empty space, parked and turned the vehicle off. She had had a wonderful time on Friday and had smiled all weekend long, as well as exchanged texts with Jackson all weekend long but the nervousness she now felt, overshadowed the happy she had settled into. Jackson leaned back in his seat and looked at her.

“You okay?” he asked softly. Lila met his gaze and was once again a little stunned that she was with him. It was no secret that Jackson Jones was good looking. Or as other girls at school liked to say, hotter than the jalapeno’s that he apparently liked to eat.

“Do you like jalapeno’s?” she asked suddenly. He raised an eyebrow in confusion. She just stared at him and he smiled.

“Yes, I do,” he answered.

“Other girls say you like them,” she said softly as she turned to stare at all the students walking across the school grounds. 

“Lila?” he said gently, reaching for her hand. She looked at him again. “It’s going to be okay.” Lila tried to ignore how her heart raced every time he touched her. He seemed so calm and collected and she was freaking out at how close he was, at his touching her, and she still thought about his kiss every other second.

“I’m really nervous,” she said quietly. “I’m not sure you understand just what my social standing is at this school. Most people leave me alone but I’m a loner, and while not many pay attention to me, sometimes I do get made fun of and now I’m dating you and I’m not stupid, I know it will bring me attention and I don’t think it will all be good. I don’t know if you realize, Jackson, but a lot of girls like you and if they see I’m with you, I just…”

“Hey,” he said softly, squeezing her hand. “If anybody bothers you, you just let me know, okay?” Lila nodded and took a deep breath.

“Should I go first, or….” She started and he frowned at her.

“You don’t want to go in together?” he asked, and she felt bad at the hurt that flickered across his face.

“Jax, you don’t understand,” she whispered, her chin trembling. “You’re everybody’s friend and everyone wants to either be like you or be with you and I’m the weird girl that people make fun of. You really think everyone will just accept the fact that we’re dating? Girls already don’t like me and now the jealous ones will hate me and people will make fun of me because of where I’m from. You don’t think I’ll hear about how you’re _slumming_ it?” she asked a little brokenly.

“I said I won’t let anybody hurt you,” he said heatedly.

“You can’t protect me Jackson,” she insisted. He let out a sigh and didn’t say anything for a moment.

“Okay, yeah, I got it,” he said with a shrug. “I can go first and just click the lock button when you leave,” he said with a small smile. He squeezed her hand and left the SUV. Lila sat a little stunned and let out a frustrated sigh. Seriously? Had she just caused an issue with Jackson after only one date? Of course it was her who was the first to do something stupid. What the hell was wrong with her and why couldn’t she just relax? She got out of the vehicle and slowly walked to class.

She didn’t see Jackson all morning because they had no classes together but she knew she would see him in the afternoon. Or at lunch. Lila let her nerves get the best of her and decided to skip the cafeteria to get lunch and went to her locker to get a book and retreat to her usual place. As she was getting her bag from her locker, Katie strolled up to her and leaned against the locker beside her, a smirk on her face. There were a few other girls with her and Lila looked at her in surprise.

“So, word has it that you went on a date with Jackson on Friday,” Kate said, folding her arms across her chest, the smile on her face not quite reaching her eyes. Lila said nothing and stuffed her book and phone in her bag. “You know he just feels sorry for you, right?” she asked. Lila gritted her teeth, the anxiety pooling in her stomach. “I mean, honestly, do you really think someone of Jackson’s status would have anything to do with you if not for that. He’s a sweet boy and he always tries to be kind and what not and he sees you sitting around all sad and pathetic and just decided to be nice and let you have a taste of life out of the gutter.” Lila’s anger at her rudeness made her brave.

“Well, if that’s all it was, at least I got a good gift out of it. A signed copy of his dad’s latest book. It’s really great, have you read it?” she asked. She realized she probably shouldn’t have poked the bear when she saw the anger flash in the other girl’s eyes.

“You’re nothing but southside trash,” Katie snapped. “And Jackson will realize it soon enough,” she said with a laugh. She snapped her fingers and her little minions followed her as she walked away, a couple of them shooting her a sympathetic glance. Lila slammed her locker shut and blinked against the tears stinging her eyes and ran outside. She managed to make it to the football stands before she couldn’t hold them in anymore and she ducked under them and out of sight.

 

Jackson left the lunch line with his food and as per usual, dropped the sandwich on Joseph’s tray as he walked past his table. He glanced around and didn’t see Lila anywhere and figured she was probably outside as usual. 

“I’m going to head outside,” he told Logan as he walked through the cafeteria. He stopped in surprise when Missy Monroe hurried up to him. “Hey, Missy,” he said as he put his tray down on a table and grabbed the sandwich and fruit.

“Hey Jackson, did Lila come by here?” she asked, biting her lip. 

“No, I haven’t seen her. Why?” he asked, suddenly feeling apprehensive.

“Well, I think…..I think Katie made her cry,” the girl said nervously, her eyes dropping.

“What are you talking about?” Logan asked.

“She said some really mean things to her by her locker and Lila looked like she was going to cry and rushed off,” Missy explained. 

“Shit,” Jackson sighed angrily. “Do you know where she went?”

“I think the football field.” Jackson hurried outside and ran to the field but he didn’t see Lila anywhere. He walked behind the stands and looked under and felt his heart twist when he saw her sitting on a bench, her arms around her legs, her face hidden in her knees. He walked over and sat down next to her, straddling the bench.

“Hey,” he said softly and her head shot up, her hand quickly moving to wipe her face. “Oh Lila,” he breathed. 

Lila quickly wiped her face and felt like an idiot at having been caught crying. When he shifted closer, so his legs were on either side of her, she realized she had only to lean slightly and she’d be leaning against his chest. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, his hand taking hers and holding it gently. She shrugged and wiped at her face again. Jackson sighed and Lila’s heart went into overdrive when he put his arm around her waist and pulled her against him, hugging her tight. “I’m sorry Lila,” he said softly. “Missy told me what happened. What did Katie say?”

“Nothing,” Lila said, pulling away.

“Tell me.”

“Why does it matter?” Lila asked in a huff.

“Because it matters to me,” Jackson said firmly. 

“Well, let’s see; you feel sorry for me and just wanted to be nice and give me a taste of life out of the gutter, oh and my favorite, soon enough you’ll see I’m nothing but southside trash,” she said, her voice trembling.

“Fucking bitch,” Jackson muttered furiously. Lila looked at him in surprise. “I hope you know that’s not true,” he said quickly. “You’re not trash and I asked you out because I’ve had a crush on you for years and she knows it.”

“Yeah, well, I told you this was going to happen,” she said sadly, her eyes filling with tears again as she pulled further away from him.

“So what do you want to do, then? You don’t want to go out with me anymore? Stop before we’ve started?” he asked, his voice sounding remorseful. Lila looked at him and the blue of his eyes were darker than usual in the shade of the stands, his face so handsome, she once again wondered how the hell she caught the attention of someone so hot. “You want to just be friends because people are assholes?” he asked sadly.

“She’s one of your friends, Jax.”

“No, she’s not and she for sure isn’t now. I’m not going to let anyone be mean to you and let them get away with it,” he insisted. “But still, if you want to just be friends, we could step back a while, I guess, and when you’re ready….”

“When I’m ready?” Lila asked in surprise. “You’d wait?”

“Well, I’ve been waiting two years, what a little more,” he said sheepishly. Lila felt suddenly overwhelmed and her heart started racing and she did the only thing she could think to do in that moment. She grabbed his face and pulled him in for a kiss. He grunted in surprise and didn’t even have time to kiss her back before she pulled away and smiled at him. He smiled and she felt his arm snake around her again and he pulled her back up against him and she hung her legs over his thigh, putting her essentially in his lap, sort of. She’d take it. Jackson smiled and leaned in and kissed her again and she melted against him. 

“You’re the only girl I’ve ever kissed,” he said when he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers. “I’m not sure I’m any good at it.”

“Well, I’m no expert, but it feels pretty good, so I’d say you’re doing it right,” she whispered, her hand touching his face. She giggled when she saw a slight blush cross his cheeks and she bit her lip shyly. 

“So, are we friends? Or will you let me take you on another date?” he asked softly, his other arm sneaking around her as well and she found herself wrapped against him and she didn’t think she’d ever felt anything so wonderful in all her life. He smelled amazing, which she assumed was some fancy body wash and she really wanted to kiss him again and taste the subtle mint of his mouth. 

“I’d like to go on another date,” she said with a smile and felt her heart squeeze when he let out an actual sigh of relief. “I’m sorry Jackson, about this morning. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or act like I didn’t want to be seen with you. I’m just really nervous and the fact that you like me and have already asked me to go steady, essentially, in such a short time…..I don’t know, I just never expected it and it’s throwing me for a loop and while I knew people would say things, I wasn’t ready for Katie’s meanness.”

“We can slow down if you want. I mean, if you want to just be friends a bit and hang out….” he trailed off when she shook her head.

“I like you Jackson, a lot and I’d love to go on more dates, it will just take me time to adjust. I wasn’t expecting this, wasn’t expecting you,” she said softly, brushing his hair back almost on impulse. When his eyes flickered down to her mouth she couldn’t help herself and she leaned in again. Kissing Jackson was going to become an addiction, she could feel it. His lips were soft and moved slowly over hers and Lila let her arms sneak up and wrap around his neck, pulling herself closer. She couldn’t help the tiny whimper that escaped her and felt his hold tighten in response. She let her hand weave into his hair and when she tugged a little bit, he let out a small gasp against her mouth. After a few moments he pulled away, breathing heavy and she rested her forehead against his chest, her own breathing heavy.

“Wow,” he whispered, his hands gripping her waist. “That was….”

“Amazing,” she whispered. She lifted her head and his gaze wandered over her face, and she blushed at the way his eyes darkened again. Her arms were still wrapped around his neck and she realized how close they were, how intimate. “Are we going too fast?” she asked, still a little breathless.

“I don’t know,” Jackson smiled. “I have no idea what constitutes as _too fast_. I just know that I like kissing you. Feeling your arms around me isn’t bad either,” he said, the slight blush on his face making her stomach do funny things. Someone clearing their throat made Lila jump back and Jackson tightened his grip on her waist, holding her still.

“Hey Jax,” Logan called out from the side of the sands. “Sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt but there’s trouble by your SUV.” Logan frowned and Lila untangled herself and he stood and pulled her up with him, holding her hand and walking over to Logan. She was blushing and Logan just smiled at her. 

“What kind of trouble?” Jackson asked. 

“Just come see,” Logan sighed and Jackson followed him. When Lila pulled her hand away, he reached for it again and held it tightly, not letting her shy away or hide that fact that they were seeing each other. They got to his vehicle and she let out a gasp when she saw what the problem was. Written across his windshield in lipstick were the words “ _plays with trash.”_ Lila burned red with embarrassment and pulled her hand from Jackson’s. He turned to look at her and quickly took her hand again, pulling her close, his face furious.

“Where’s Katie?” he asked Logan, who looked at him in surprise.

“You think she did this?” he asked.

“Who the fuck else would do this? Nobody else would dare,” Jackson snapped. Logan raised his hands in confusion and Jackson turned to Lila and pulled her closer, not caring that there was people around and more gathering. “You okay?” he asked softly, so only she could hear. She nodded and leaned into him, finally giving in and letting him protect her. Yes, people were jerks and she was going to hear things, but she had always heard people talk shit, and now Jackson Jones was her champion and he liked her and was going to stick by her and really, was she going to let some bitch keep her from enjoying his kisses? No, she wasn’t. 

“I’m okay,” she said softly. “If she did do this, well she’s wrong. You haven’t actually played with me yet.” She blushed as she said it, but she figured she may as well make a flirty joke then run and hide. Jackson’s eyes widened a little and she bit back a giggle when a blush covered his face, but he got over it quickly and grinned at her, wrapping her in a bear hug.

“I really want to know what your definition of “play” is,” he whispered in her ear. 

“We’ll need to go on a bunch of dates before I tell you that,” she whispered back. Lila had no idea what she was talking about but when he pulled back and she saw the grin on his face, she decided she better figure out what “play” meant to her because he seemed very excited to find out. The bell rang then, signaling the end of lunch and Jackson stepped back and took her hand.

“Can I walk you to class?” he asked softly. 

“Well, since we’re going to the same class, it would be silly of me to say no,” she replied with a smile. They made their way through the crowd, leaving the SUV and its ugly words behind and she lowered her eyes and squeezed his hand as people watched them, whispering to each other. They got to history class and Lila’s grip tightened on Jackson’s hand when she saw Katie in her seat. The girl’s eyes narrowed when she saw them hand in hand. Jackson led Lila to her seat and then slowly made his way back to Katie’s table.

“That’s a lovely shade of lipstick you’re wearing there, Katie, did you put it on before or after you vandalized my SUV?” he asked, bracing his hands on her desk and leaning down into her face.

“What…what are you talking about, Jax?” she asked, swallowing nervously.

“Don’t even try,” he snapped. “You’re a really bad liar. You want to explain what Lila has ever done to you that makes you act like a complete bitch?” he asked, thankful the teacher wasn’t in the room yet.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Katie said firmly, her anger rising now.

“Does the word ‘trash’ ring any bells?” he asked angrily. Katie realized she couldn’t lie her way out of it and she leaned back and sneered at him, shooting a glare at Lila.

“She run and tattle to her new boyfriend?” she laughed.

“No, she didn’t,” Jackson said furiously. “I found her crying and had to force her to tell me and I seriously can’t for the life of me figure out why you would say something like that to her or lipstick my SUV? What’s she done to you? You jealous Katie?”

“Oh please, if I wanted you I’d have you,” Katie said with an eyeroll. Jackson started to laugh.

“You’ve never had a snowball’s chance in hell of ever having me and you never will. I have no idea why you’re suddenly such a vicious bitch, but don’t ever talk to her like that again and don’t talk to me. I’m done being your friend. You and your weird fetish for my dad are no longer welcome around me,” Jackson said angrily. He leaned a little closer. “And the only way you’re going to get an autographed copy of my dad’s book is buying it off of ebay,” he finished. He turned and walked over and took a seat in the desk next to Lila. Katie was staring daggers at her and Lila had a feeling the girl wasn’t going to go down that easy.

 

At the end of the day, Lila walked with Jackson to his vehicle, her hand in his. It had made its way around the school that Jackson had taken Lila on a date and they were now apparently ‘together’ and some didn’t believe it, but the fact that they were walking around hand in hand also flew around the school rather quickly. They got to the SUV and Lila unfolded the wet paper towel she had grabbed from the washroom and wiped off the lipstick from his window. She wadded it up and threw it in the trash bin that sat nearby. 

“Thanks,” Jackson said with a smile and right there in front of half the school, leaned down and gave her a soft kiss. She smiled and they climbed in and he took her home. When he pulled up in front of her house, she unhooked her seatbelt and turned to him.

“Do you want to come in for a drink? Or snack or something?” she asked quietly. 

“Sure,” Jackson replied and they headed inside. Lila dropped her bag by the door and went into the kitchen to grab two cola’s from the fridge and went back to the living room where he stood looking at photo’s on their non-working fireplace mantel. “You were cute when you were little,” he said with a grin as he took the drink and pointed to a picture of her in a dance tutu when she was five.

“Yeah, missing teeth and everything,” she said with a roll of her eyes. They sat on the couch and there was a bit of awkward silence for a bit.

“I’m sorry about what happened today,” Jackson said quietly after a few minutes. “You told me that would happen and honestly, I didn’t think it would be like that and I certainly didn’t think it would one of my so called friends doing it.”

“Yeah, Katie has never been very nice to me,” Lila said, looking at her drink. “She always has something rude or mean to say.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked quietly.

“I don’t know, I thought you were friends. I always knew you were a nice guy and never could figure out why you hung around her,” Lila said with a shrug.

“Some people say I’m too nice,” he said with a laugh.

“In her case you were,” she smiled. “I don’t think she’s going to leave me alone,” she added quietly.

“Let me know if she bothers you, okay?”

“I will,” Lila said with a nod. She turned to study him and his blue eyes once again held hers captive. “How come she never had a chance with you?” she asked quietly. 

“Because she wasn’t you,” Jackson said softly, a small smile playing at his lips.

“And if I didn’t like you or want to go out with you?” she asked, putting her drink on the coffee table

“She has a disturbing crush on my dad,” Jackson laughed, putting his cola beside hers. “Like since we were ten. It’s bizarre and grossed me out. Plus, like you said, she’s mean and rude and I just never saw her as anything more than barely a friend. Also, she didn’t have those nerdy glasses that I like,” he teased, his hand coming up to play with hers. After a moment he slowly pulled them off.

“If you like them so much, why do you keep pulling them off,” she asked in a whisper, sliding closer to him. 

“Because I also like your beautiful brown eyes,” he replied, his gaze flickering down to her mouth before returning to lock with hers. Lila decided that if her heart started racing anymore, it might come right out of her chest. She rested her hand on his chest and he felt strong beneath it. She had always admired how he looked. He was taller than most of the guys at school and in gym class he appeared very trim and fit. She had once heard him tell Logan that he ran with his father every day.

“We’re going to kiss a lot, aren’t we,” she whispered when his eyes went to her mouth again.

“Well, we’re new at it and we probably need a lot of practice,” he said with a smile as he leaned closer. He brushed his lips over her and Lila decided there was nothing better than Jackson Jones kissing her. 

“Maybe we should talk,” she suggested, pulling away.

“You want to?” he asked, sitting back. She studied him a while and then shook her head.

“We text the entire weekend, we probably talked enough already,” she reasoned. He grinned and pulled her close for another kiss and in their eagerness, their teeth crashed together and she giggled into his mouth.

“Ow,” he said with a laugh, pulling back. She bit her lip and he seemed enthralled with the motion. He leaned in a little slower and this time the kiss was gentle and soft and her fingers curled into his shirt as he pulled her closer. Lila shivered, her entire body seemed to come alive and she let her hands slip around his neck and slide into the hair at the nape of his neck. She loved how soft it was. Jackson’s hand suddenly came up and she felt the tie she had in her hair come loose and it fell down in waves over his hands and he let out a soft moan, making her whimper at the unexpected jolt that went through her at the sound. He buried his hands in her hair and pulled her closer and she suddenly found herself in his lap.

“Jax,” she said shakily as she pulled away. He was breathing heavy and it took him a moment to focus.

“Sorry,” he murmured. “I guess I got a little eager.” She blushed and hid her face in his neck and he hugged her close. 

“You don’t need to be sorry, I just felt overwhelmed suddenly,” Lila admitted against his skin. “I mean, a week ago I was a literal loner nobody and now I’m sitting in your lap and you’re kissing me and holding me and I’m just….it’s a lot,” she whispered.

“I don’t mean to go so fast,” Jackson said with a sigh. “I’ve just had a crush for what seems like forever and now I get to kiss you and I guess I just want as much as I can because it might not be real.”

“I won’t disappear,” she said with a smile. Her mind and heart were trying to process how much he actually liked her, so much that he was afraid it wasn’t real.

“You have to promise me something, Lila,” he said softly.

“What?”

“If someone at school bothers you or says shitty things, you have to tell me,” he urged.

“If I can’t fight the battle myself, then I will,” she said as a counter offer.

“Fine, but if I find you crying again, I’m going to kick the ass of whoever made you cry,” Jackson said firmly. 

“Gotta play the hero, huh?” she teased.

“No, it’s more of a ‘protect my girl’ situation,” he replied. Lila smiled at him and brushed his hair off his forehead. It was strange to her, how a week ago she didn’t even know he liked her and here she was, sitting in his lap, touching him, kissing him and he was already so invested, it made her wonder if they somehow had some deep connection already or if they were headed for disaster. She decided to worry about it some other time and leaned in to kiss him once more. If Jackson Jones wanted to protect her, _his girl,_ well dammit, she was going to let him.


	3. Resistance is Futile

Four weeks. 

Jackson and Lila had been dating for four weeks and as life would have it, that didn’t actually include many dates. With her dance schedule and her shifts at the coffee shop, the only day she ever had free was Friday evening and that’s when they went on dates. So sadly, they had only gone on three actual dates. She also had Sunday free but that was the only day she got to spend with her mother in the entirety of it and she wasn’t about to mess with that and of course, Jackson, being the sweetheart that he was, wouldn’t hear of her cancelling on her mom. They saw each other mostly at school, and spent almost every lunch huddled in the football stands, talking and stealing kisses and spent at least an hour or more each night texting or facetiming. 

It was Friday night and they should have gone on their fourth date but Lila’s work changed her shift due to an illness and she had gone in that evening, which, much to her delight, left her Saturday completely free. Jackson had surprised her when he’d asked if she wanted to come spend that day at his place. At first she was nervous because she had never been there, but she had driven by and the place was huge. Of course she knew Jackson’s family was well off and when she saw the house, it was a glaring reminder that her and her mother worked hard to maintain their meager and basic lifestyle. If it wasn’t for Lila’s shifts at the coffee shop, she wouldn’t even be able to dance. She tried to not let it affect her, how different their lives were but sometimes it was hard not to. 

She really liked Jackson, a lot. She knew that he liked her too. He really could have anyone he wanted, simply because of who he was and he had chosen her, he liked her, he wanted to be with her. It had really boosted her self esteem in the last few weeks and she walked with her head a little higher at school and he encouraged her to not hide away and she had even made a couple of friends because of him. Logan of course, he was sweet and kind like Jackson, maybe just a little more rough around the edges. Missy, who had turned her back on Katie and stayed with Jackson’s group of friends when Jackson had told Katie off, turned out to be sweet and kind as well and had really always just been afraid of the other girl.

Lila flopped back on her bed and turned the TV on and the first thing she saw was a couple making out. She was going to change the channel and then paused and watched and chewed her lip as she contemplated what was happening on the screen. Despite all the kisses her and Jackson had already shared, they were pretty tame and earlier that day, under the stands, she had thought for a millisecond that she had felt a flick of his tongue but since it didn’t happen again, she figured she imagined it. She had been thinking about that lately, well, ever since Missy had told her about French kissing one of the football players after a game last week. 

On the TV screen the man’s mouth left the female's and moved down her neck and Lila shivered as she imagined Jackson doing that to her. Using his tongue and kissing her neck. She let out a frustrated sigh and turned the TV off. Lately she found herself wanting to do all sorts of things with Jackson and that both scared her and excited her. There were a lot of kids at school already sexually active and she wasn’t anywhere near ready for that but she would like to do a little more than chaste kissing. Perhaps she would have to take the leap and see how he reacted the next time his mouth was on hers.

 

Jackson picked her up at 11:00 the next morning and she rushed outside and hurried over to the vehicle before he got out. She loved how much of a gentleman he was, but sometimes, not letting him be one made things go faster. He grinned at her as she climbed in and leaned across the console and kissed him.

“Hi handsome,” she said with a smile when she pulled back. Jackson tugged her back and kissed her again, sighing into her mouth.

“I missed you,” he murmured.

“You just saw me yesterday,” she reminded him, her eyes sparkling. 

“I know, but I still missed you,” he insisted, sitting back in his seat and putting the vehicle in drive. “You had a good evening? Work’s good?”

“It’s work,” Lila said with a shrug. “I’m just happy I get to spend a whole day with you that isn’t at school, even if I am nervous.”

“Why are you nervous?” he asked in surprise.

“Well, I’m meeting your parents, Jax, and I get to see where you live. Well, the inside of where you live, I guess. Your place is huge and beautiful and mine’s….”

“Stop,” Jackson said, taking hold of her hand and squeezing. “It’s just a house.”

“Yeah, I bet all rich people say that,” she sighed.

“We’re not that rich,” he muttered, turning the SUV toward the Northside. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound like one of those people, like I’m intimidated by where you live and that fact that you have money, even though that’s actually true,” Lila said with a grimace. Jackson looked at her and let out a laugh.

“See, this is why I like you,” he said with a grin. “Most people hang out with me and like me because of my family and because we’re well off and you almost hold it against me. Like on your list of pros and cons of dating me, that’s a con.” 

“I don’t have a list,” she said with a laugh of her own. “Also, stop selling yourself short. People like you because you’re genuinely the nicest guy at school.”

“Some I guess,” he shrugged. Lila reached over and touched his face and he pulled her hand to his mouth and gave it a soft kiss. “I know you genuinely like me,” he said with a wink. Lila bit her lip and her stomach erupted with butterflies. She didn’t know why but every time he winked at her, it made her feel all giddy and warm inside. She also knew he did it because he liked seeing her blush. 

“Jackson,” she said softly and he turned to look at her. “I really do.” He smiled, his eyes lighting with happiness. He kissed her hand again and they rode the rest of the way to his place in relaxed silence.

When he pulled onto his drive, Lila tried to calm the anxious nerves welling inside her. He parked and she climbed out and looked around. It really was beautiful. She could see Sweetwater River at the back of the property through the giant trees. Jackson came around to her side and took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Ready?” he asked softly. She took a deep breath and nodded, a small smile on her lips. They walked up to the front door and he opened the door and ushered her in. She tried not to gasp as she looked around. God, the place looked like a sparkling white palace. A very loud one. Jackson’s younger brother came flying down the stairs, laughing loudly while being chased by an older girl with wild black curly hair who looked absolutely furious.

“Dad! Jesse keeps taking my ipod and he won’t give it back,” she yelled out, chasing the young boy around Jackson who stood and rolled his eyes.

“Come on guys,” he muttered. “I told you to behave today for God’s sake.”

“Well, I would behave if he didn’t keep taking my shit!” the girl said angrily, stomping her foot.

“Annie, watch your mouth!” The order came from none other than Jughead Jones himself who came out of what appeared to be an office. Lila had only ever seen him from a distance and up close the resemblance between him and Jackson was astonishing. They could have been brothers, not father and son.

“Jesse took my ipod!” she yelled. Lila squeezed Jackson’s hand and pressed closer to his side as Mr. Jones took control of the situation. 

“Jesse, how many times have I told you to stop bugging your sister?” he sighed in frustration.

“A lot,” the boy grinned. 

“Well, give it back and if you take it again, your camping trip with your friends is cancelled. Are we clear?”

“Yeah,” Jesse muttered as he handed the ipod back.

“Apologize,” his father ordered.

“Sorry, Annie,” the boy sighed.

“Yeah, whatever,” she huffed and ran back upstairs.

“Annie!” She stopped and turned to look at her father and he gave her a look that Lila figured was a warning and Annie rolled her eyes.

“It’s fine, Jesse,” she said grumpily and turned and ran the rest of the way up the stairs.

“And stop rolling your eyes,” her father yelled after her. He turned and smiled at them and walked over, his eyes warm and welcoming.

“Dad, this is Lila,” Jackson said, his voice holding a tinge of pride that made Lila blush a little. 

“It’s nice to meet you Mr. Jones,” she said, holding out her hand. The older man shook it with a twinkle in his eye.

“Please, call me Jughead,” he insisted.

“I like your books,” Lila blurted and then cringed inwardly. 

“Yeah, Jackson mentioned. Come in my office here for a second, I have something for you.” Lila looked at Jackson and he just smiled at her and tugged her along into the office. It had a beautiful old world look and feel about it and she looked in awe at the books lining the shelves from floor to ceiling. “Jackson asked me to sign these for you,” Jughead said with a smile, handing her a stack of books. Her eyes widened and she took them, staring down at the stack. 

“Thank….thank you,” she managed to stammer out and he smiled and nodded. She almost dropped the stack trying to keep the one on top from falling and Jackson quickly took them and put them in a cloth bag that his father handed to him.

“You’re Lila Jordan,” a small voice spoke behind her and Lila turned and smiled down at the little girl staring up at her in awe. She knew this was Alyssa, as she had seen her dance many times in the studio next to hers.

“Yes, I am,” she said with a smile. The little girl surprised her by throwing her arms around her waist and hugging her close. 

“I want to dance just like you,” she gushed when she pulled away. “Except I’m not very good at some of the moves,” she added a little sadly. Lila smiled and crouched down in front of the girl.

“Well, you have plenty of time. I only started dancing when I was 7 and I bet you’ve been dancing since you were really little.”

“Yes, since I was 4!” Ally gushed. “I always watch you dance and you look like a princess. Jackson told me you were his girlfriend and I didn’t believe him,” she added with a giggle.

“Well, I am,” Lila said softly, a blush covering her face. “And you know what? Since I will probably come visit more often, I could help you with the moves that you can’t do well yet.” The little girl’s eyes widened and Lila bit back a smile.

“Can you show me right now? Daddy made a dance floor in the basement cause we weren’t using it for anything and mommy said we should do something with it and they couldn’t decide and then they had an argument over supper and mommy wanted to make a movie room and daddy wanted to make a game room and Jackson said why not make both and then when I could finally talk I asked if I could have a dance studio and they all said yes because it solved the fighting!” The little girl spoke in such a rush without taking a breath that her face was red by the time she stopped to gasp for breath and Lila burst out laughing.

“Good for you,” she whispered, leaning close so only she could hear.

“Do you want to see it?” Ally asked in excitement.

“I would love to,” Lila said with a smile and shot a smile at Jackson as she was pulled from the office by an excited 8 year old.

Jackson watched them leave and smiled and felt his father nudge his shoulder with his own. 

“Good job son. You found a good one,” he said with a wink.

“Yeah, I think so too,” Jackson said with a blush. Jughead chuckled and went to sit at his desk and Jax dropped onto the couch and stretched out. His father raised an eyebrow.

“You’re going to leave her at the mercy of your sister?” he laughed.

“They both love to dance, I think they’ll be alright,” Jackson shrugged. He lay quietly for a while before sitting up and resting his elbows on his knees, pressing his hands together. “Dad, how do you know if the girl you’re with is the one?” he asked quietly. “Like, I know it seems bizarre to even ask that since we’ve only been dating for a month, barely, but how does one know?”

“Aren’t you a little young to worry about whether you found _the one_ or not?” his father asked.

“I’m not worrying about it. I’ve just been thinking lately about dating and what dating is exactly. I like Lila, a lot. A lot, a lot. I’ve liked her for two years and I really don’t want to date any other girl or girls. I know a lot of my friends are out with different girls all the time and say things like I have to play the field but I don’t want to. I just want to be with her and I kind of feel like running around from girl to girl would be a waste of time. I mean, if you had met mom when you were 16, do you think you’d still be with her? Or was the timing of when you met just right. If you had met earlier, as kids, maybe you wouldn’t have made it?” Jackson contemplated.

“Well, that’s a lot of thoughts you just shared, son,” Jughead said, leaning back in his chair. “I don’t know how different life would be if I had met mom at 16. She always tells me she would have loved me even then, but like you said, one just doesn’t know these things and honestly, I don’t think you should worry about it just yet. A month into a relationship and already wondering if Lila is _the one_ could set you up for a lot of heartache.”

“But didn’t you say that after you spent that night with mom you regretted leaving her basically the next day and couldn’t get her out of your head for the next two years until you saw her again and you fell for her instantly all over again?” Jackson asked.

“Yes, that’s true,” Jughead smiled. “So what exactly is it that you’re trying to say or figure out here?”

“I don’t know,” Jackson sighed. “I guess I’m a little scared.”

“Of?”

“I like her so much and part of me is terrified that it’ll change or something. I don’t want it to change.” His father got up and walked over to sit next to him on the couch, his hand on his shoulder.

“Jackson, stop worrying about things you have no control over. Enjoy your time with her and if you see yourself going a long way with her, then cherish her and if things should ever change, I promise, you’ll survive and life would go on. Relax son and enjoy your girlfriend one day at a time.”

“Alright,” Jackson laughed. “I guess I should probably save her from Ally or they’ll never come back upstairs.” He got up and did the usual fist bump with his father and headed downstairs to collect his girlfriend. He paused at the bottom of the stairs and watched Lila with Ally and felt his stomach clench at how beautiful he thought she was. Even in her messy bun and oversized sweater over leggings, she was stunning. He couldn’t help how his eyes lingered on her long legs as she twirled around, showing off a move and he took a deep breath and forced his thoughts to not go there. They went there more than he’d be willing to admit lately, especially when they were kissing. He tried to be a gentleman and keep from letting his hands roam, but when she melted against him, it was a little difficult.

“Jackson, look what I can do,” Ally said suddenly, seeing him standing there. He watched as she lifted her leg waist high and then Lila helped her lift it higher until it was literally straight up in the air and it honestly hurt just looking at it. After a moment, when she had her balance, Lila slowly let go and Ally stood there, leg over her head with a big grin on her face. “Lila can do it without help. Show him.” The little girl demanded. Lila smiled and lifted her leg above her head and stood beside her and Jackson swallowed as he watched her. He figured he wasn’t very good at hiding his thoughts when he saw her blush and she quickly lowered her leg.

“Great job guys,” he said with a smile. “Now, Ally, if you don’t mind, I’d like my girlfriend back.” 

“Awww,” the girl pouted and Lila laughed and gave her a hug. “We’ll do it again soon, I promise.” Ally nodded happily and Lila followed Jackson upstairs.

“You wanna go outside for a bit?” he asked, taking her hand.

“Sure,” she agreed. “I love how the river runs past out back. It’s so pretty.” They went out the back door and she looked around at the spacious yard as they headed toward the water. The trees were majestic and there was a large treehouse in one of them. 

“I built that with my dad when I was 9,” Jackson said with a smile. “I spent a lot of time in there. Jesse took it over now, but he lets me visit once in a while,” he added with a laugh. They walked through the trees until they were along side the river and he led her over to a pile of rocks close to the edge. “When my parents finally let me come down here by myself, I think I was 12, this pile of rocks became my thinking spot,” Jackson explained. “I mulled over a lot of shit here,” he laughed.

“Like what?” Lila asked curiously.

“Like what I wanted to do when I grew up or how to work up the courage to ask out the prettiest girl at school,” he said softly. His arm snaked around her waist and pulled her flush against him and Lila grinned, wrapping an arm around his neck and biting her lip. 

“Oh yeah? How did that work out for you?” she asked, her eyes on his mouth making his stomach clench. 

“It worked out pretty good,” Jackson murmured before pressing his mouth to hers. Her lips were always so incredibly soft and there was always a hint of that cherry chapstick she always used. It was a taste he was becoming addicted to. Her hands moved to gently frame his face and she kissed him slowly, pressing her body against his. After a few slow and gentle moments, she pulled back and smiled at him.

“I like the way you kiss me,” she said with a blush. Jackson wrapped his other arm around her and lifted her up causing her to giggle and hold on to him tighter. When he put her down they took a walk along the river before heading back to the house.

 

Lila spent the day with Jackson, getting to know his siblings and hanging out with them watching movies and playing pool in the family room. It wasn’t until just before dinner, which his father had prepared, that his mother finally came home from a day of shopping with Veronica Lodge. 

“Lila, how lovely to finally meet you,” she exclaimed as she walked over and wrapped Lila in a giant hug. “I’ve heard so much about you.” Betty Jones was nothing short of stunning. Her green eyes sparkled with welcome and she didn’t look a day over 25. 

“It’s nice to meet you too, Mrs. Jones,” Lila said shyly, backing up a little until she felt Jackson at her back. The woman saw the move and she smiled knowingly. 

“I do the same thing with his father when I feel a little overwhelmed,” she exclaimed with a wink. Lila flushed, realizing nothing would get past this woman so she just nodded and gripped Jackson’s hand when it settled on his waist. 

They all went into the dining room and settled around the table where a dinner of grilled steak, baked potatoes and salad waited for them. Jughead Jones certainly knew his way around a kitchen. 

“Mommy, Lila helped me with some of my dancing today and how to center myself better so I keep my balance,” Ally gushed around a mouth full of potato.

“That’s really wonderful, sweetie. Thank you for doing that Lila,” Betty said with a smile. “Jackson told us that you’re an excellent dancer and you are planning to audition for Julliard when you graduate.”

“Yes, I’m actually going next year to an entrance audition and applying for a scholarship while there. I’m working really hard to make it because if I get turned down twice then I can’t apply to the school anymore,” Lila explained.

“Yes, I’ve heard that they don’t allow more than two failed auditions. I’ll be rooting for you,” the older woman said with a smile.

“Thank you,” Lila replied softly. “My mom told me that you two have spin class together.”

“Yes, we do. I enjoy her very much and I’ve been thinking of having her over for coffee one of these days,” Betty said eagerly.

“I’m sure she’d love that,” Lila smiled. She looked around at all of them and let out a small giggle and then had to explain herself. “It’s crazy how only you and Jesse have blonde hair and the rest look so much like Mr. Jones.”

“Yes, those Jones genes certainly came through, didn’t they,” Betty laughed, her eyes twinkling at her husband. He winked at her and she gave him a look that Lila realized was clearly a shared message between the two of them. It was very obvious that they were still very much in love. She remained quiet for the rest of the dinner and only spoke when asked something. The Jones family was very loud during dinner and the dynamic was amazing as they all chatted and laughed while they ate. When the meal was over, she helped clear the table and then Betty insisted she would finish and Jackson took Lila’s hand and led her up the stairs to the second floor. 

His room was comfortable and clean and seemed like the typical guys room. Some sports stuff, a TV with a video game system, a desk and bookshelf with a lot of books. He had a large bed with dark blue bedding and he sat down on the edge and pulled her down next to him.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly. “You got really quiet over dinner.”

“Yeah,” she said with a small smile. “You have a really wonderful family, Jackson.” He grasped her chin gently and turned her head to look at him and she sighed. “I just never had that, you know? My mom had me when she was 18 and my dad didn’t stick around and my mom has had boyfriends but she never really settled down with anyone. Sometimes I think she’s still waiting for him to come back. Just watching you guys and how happy you all are, and how obviously in love your parents are, makes me feel like I’m missing out on a lot, I guess.”

“I’m sorry, Lila,” Jackson said softly. “But you know, it’s not just you and your mom anymore. You have me now,” he smiled. Lila couldn’t help the smile that crossed her face and she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a hard kiss. He laughed and fell back on the bed with her and she ended up laying half on top of him and it only took a second for her to register that fact that they had never been on a bed before, or in such an intimate position. Jackson shimmied back and settled against the pillows and pulled her against him and she cuddled into his side, her head on his shoulder.

“You’re really warm,” she said shyly, wrapping her arm around his waist. She tried not to notice how his hand was resting on her lower back where her sweater had ridden up a bit and his fingers rested against her skin. Her glasses dug into the face as she rested it against his shoulder and she pulled them off and he took them and laid them on the bedside table. When he looked back, their eyes met and held and she wondered how eyes could be so blue. They had lines going through the color and made them looked like cracked blue ice. “You have beautiful eyes,” she whispered.

“So do you,” he murmured, his voice sounding a little gravely and hoarse.

“They’re just brown,” she shrugged.

“They are a beautiful brown with little gold flecks,” he smiled. Lila touched his face and leaned in to kiss him. His hand came up to thread through her hair and her bun fell free, the brown tresses spilling down over his arm. “And you have beautiful hair,” he said against her mouth. Lila’s heart was racing and she couldn’t ignore the ache that she felt all over. They were laying on his bed, pressed against each other and she was itching to slide her hand under his shirt to see if his skin was as warm as she imagined it would be. She also just wanted to touch his abs. In gym class the other day, he had been playing basketball and had pulled his shirt up to wipe his face and she had almost forgotten to breath when she saw his stomach. For 16 years old, Jackson Jones was very fit.

“Do you work out?” she blurted out. He leaned his head back and looked at her in amusement. “You just feel very fit,” she said, feeling her face heat up. 

“Oh yeah?” he asked, his voice teasing. He lifted his shirt and flexed his abdominal muscles and if she hadn’t lost her breath she would have rolled her eyes at his blatant arrogant male display. “I run and lift with my dad,” he told her. Lila couldn’t help herself and she placed her hand on his stomach and his skin shivered under her touch. She looked up at him and the look on his face made her body shiver as well. She kissed him again and he rolled suddenly and she was on her back with him leaning over her, his hand settled on her waist. 

Lila ran her hands through his hair and let out a whimper when his hand slid under her sweater a little, his fingers pressing into her skin. She remembered the movie she had watched the night before and feeling a little brave, she flicked her tongue against his lips and then she did it again. Jackson went still, his mouth stopping but staying against hers, his breathing harsh as his hand squeezed her waist.

“Jax,” she whimpered, her fingers tightening in his hair. “I’m sorry, I didn’t….” she started, before he cut her off, his mouth taking hers again and this time his tongue slid across her lip and she let out a gasp, her mouth opening and he dipped in before retreating again and she chased him with her own. Finally, in a moment that had him groan and her let out an eager whimper, his tongue slid against hers and her entire body shuddered at the contact. Jackson angled his head to the side and his tongue sank into her mouth and she moaned, her arms coming around his neck, pulling him closer. After a few moments, he pulled away and they gasped for breath, his forehead leaning against hers.

She tried to calm her racing heart but she couldn’t manage it when she realized his hand was gripping her leg and she felt his response to the kiss pressing against her hip. She shifted and inadvertently pressed against him and he let out a groan, his head falling to her shoulder and she could tell he was desperately trying to calm himself.

“Jackson?” she whispered, letting her hand slide down his back.

“Give me a second,” he muttered hoarsely, as he shifted away so he no longer pressed against her. “Sorry, my body just reacted,” he said sheepishly as he pulled back, his face red with an embarrassed blush. She knew her face matched his and she let out a small smile. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while,” he admitted.

“Why didn’t you?” she asked softly. Jackson rested on his side, leaning on his elbow and he smiled at her. 

“Well, I wasn’t sure if you would like it and mostly because I was nervous,” he said with a laugh.

“Well, I do like it and why would you be nervous?” 

“Because my brain is telling me to go slow but my body has a mind of its own,” he said, his face getting more red. Lila couldn’t help the giggle that came out of her mouth. He let out a sigh and flopped back, pulling her with him so she was half on top of him.

“Well, my body was reacting the same way,” she informed him, resting her hands on his chest and planting her chin on them. 

“Not the same thing at all. I can’t feel if your body is reacting unless I go looking.” Lila’s face burned at the implication and she hid it against his neck.

“Well, it did,” she whispered. 

“That was a really great kiss,” Jackson said softly, giving her a squeeze. “I know we haven’t been going very fast and I’m assuming that’s okay with you and I don’t want to rush things at all but I sure hope we can keep doing that.” 

“Yes, we can,” she said shyly, smiling against his skin.

“And if I’m..”

“It’s fine, Jax,” Lila said, hugging his waist. “I’d be a little worried if you didn’t react.”

“Good point,” he laughed. He moved suddenly and she once again found herself on her back with him leaning over her. “Can we do it again?” She nodded eagerly and then he was kissing her again, his tongue once again rubbing against hers and her arms pulling him closer. By the time they came up for air, her mouth was swollen and red, her hands under his shirt and he was pressing himself against her hip, trying to relieve the ache in his body. “Shit,” he groaned. “We better stop.”

“We’re so bad at this,” she sighed and then started to laugh. He laughed with her and when they managed to pull themselves together they lay on their sides, faces together on one pillow, holding hands between them.

“Practice makes perfect,” he said with a wink. 

“Stop winking,” she glared. “You know it makes me feel all fuzzy inside.”

“I didn’t know that,” he grinned. He lifted his hand and brushed her hair off her face. “You may need to comb that before we go downstairs again.” 

“Well, stop messing it up,” she laughed. He smiled and held her gaze until she felt her stomach come alive with butterflies. “What?”

“I’m really glad you agreed to go on a date with me,” he said softly.

“Me too,” she whispered. He gave her another small kiss and then grabbed for the TV remote. 

“Wanna watch a movie?” he asked, adjusting her against him. 

“Sure,” she smiled, still looking at him. 

“Which one?” 

“It doesn’t matter.” He looked at her and sighed.

“Stop it,” he laughed, settling on some mystery movie he had never heard of. 

“You’re very handsome,” Lila said softly. 

“And you’re very beautiful, now pay attention to the movie,” he insisted. 

“Why?” she asked with a grin. 

“Because if you don’t, I’m going to kiss you again and by the time I finish kissing you, you’re going to look like someone tried to chew your lips off,” he explained. “Do you want to explain to your mother why you look like someone tried to chew your lips off?”

“Jackson?”

“What?” he sighed. 

“Kiss me.”

Jackson dropped the remote and soon his tongue was once again sliding against hers. He didn’t try to hide the fact that he was completely aroused and she didn’t seem to care as she pulled him closer and wrapped her arms around him. It was becoming painfully clear that when it came to Lila Jordan and her kisses, he didn’t have the ability to form a single thought of resistance.


	4. Pity Party

Jackson walked into the kitchen where his mother was cooking dinner and sat down at the island and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl. 

“I’d say ‘don’t ruin your dinner’ but you’ve proven that you can eat like your father so this is like appetizer number 1 to you,” she said with a chuckle. He smiled and took a large bite, chewing it slowly as he worked out how to ask his mother the question that was running around in his brain. “Something on your mind?” Betty asked gently. She always knew when he was trying to work something out and at times it was unnerving how well she could read him. He figured that was a mother’s job; knowing when something was bothering her child.

“How do you know when you love someone?” he asked slowly. She put down the spoon she was holding and her hand went to her chest.

“Oh Jackson,” she whispered, her eyes filling with happy tears.

“For God’s sake mom,” he said in frustration. “See, this is why I don’t talk to you about stuff like this. You always start to cry,” he grumbled. 

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, quickly wiping her eyes. “Jackson, my sweet little boy is in love?” Jackson sighed and pushed his stool back and got up.

“I’m not talking to you,” he muttered as he left the kitchen. 

“I’m a proud mother,” she yelled after him. “Let me have this, dammit!”

“No, I’m asking dad,” he called back and let out a laugh when she called him a traitor. He knocked on his father’s office door and pushed it open. 

“You don’t like to wait until I say you can come in?” Jughead asked with a smile. Jackson shrugged and flopped his 6 foot frame down onto the couch. “Did I hear your mother call you a ‘traitor’?” he asked with a laugh.

“Yes, because I decided to talk to you instead of her,” Jackson said with a sigh. “She’s crying again.” His father chuckled and leaned back in his chair, closing his laptop.

“What’s up son?” Jackson didn’t say anything for a while, just stared at the ceiling with his hands behind his head.

“How do you know when you love someone?” he asked quietly. After a few moments of silence, his father finally spoke.

“How long have you been dating Lila?” he asked.

“Four and a half months.”

“You think you love her?” Jughead asked, getting out of his chair and coming around to settle against the front of his desk, his arms folded across his chest.

“Well, I don’t know. How did you know you were in love with mom?” Jackson asked.

“She basically invaded every part of my senses. I thought about her 24/7, when I was with her I was happy, when I wasn’t with her I missed her, I’d look at her and everything around me just disappeared and I ached for her. Like all the time. I would look at her and all I could think was…I love her. That was it. I just knew. It’s different for everyone, but for me that was how it was. She was everything to me. She still is.”

“Yeah…” Jackson said softly, his mind going a million miles a minute. It was scary, falling in love. Liking someone and crushing on them and being infatuated with them was easy but when he looked at Lila a few days earlier and the first thing that popped into his head was how much he loved her, he had been terrified. When had that happened? Was it real? Was it too soon?”

“You having some of those feelings?” Jughead asked with a smile. Jackson sat up and ran his hands through his hair.

“Yeah, and I’m a little terrified. I don’t know what to do with this. Do I just tell her that I think I love her?”

“Well,” his father said slowly, taking care to say the right thing. “You guys are very young and yes, it’s totally possible that you love her and if you’re feeling like I described, I think that you do love her, but if you still aren’t sure and you only _think_ it’s love, maybe you should wait until you’re sure?”

“Yeah, I was thinking that,” Jackson nodded. “But when I looked at her the other day and it just popped in my head, well, knowing me I’ll probably just blurt it out like an idiot.” Jughead laughed and shrugged. “Well, if it blurts out without a thought, it’s probably real.”

“How did you tell mom the first time?”

“She was asking me to move in with her and was saying that she knew how much I loved my son, you; and then I just said, that I loved his mom too and then we had a whole moment,” he said with a grin.

“But you knew for a while before you said it?”

“Yeah, I knew for a while, I just waited for some reason, so did she.”

They were called to dinner then and once everyone was settled around the table, Jackson sighed when he noticed his mother just staring at him. 

“Why are you staring at me?” he asked, his voice grumpy. 

“My baby is in love,” she said happily, her eyes again filling with tears.

“Oh my god,” Jackson groaned, resting his head in his hands before looking at his father pleadingly. “Please make her stop!” Jughead smiled and took Betty’s hand.

“Babe, stop embarrassing him.”

“But Jug, our baby…our sweet little curly haired baby boy is in love,” she cried, looking like she was going to start sobbing.

“Are you gonna marry Lila?” Ally asked in excitement.

“Jackson and Lila, sitting in a tree…” Annie started with a grin on her face. Jesse didn’t care about any of it as he stuffed his mouth full of pasta.

“I’m outta here,” Jackson muttered and quickly left the table. His father’s laughter followed him up the stairs.

 

The following day at school, Jackson spent the day missing Lila who had text him that morning that she didn’t need a ride to school and she didn’t show up the entire day. She hadn’t given a reason and he was a little worried about it because she didn’t answer any of his texts. When the day ended, he headed over to the dance studio to pick up Ally and to his surprise, he saw Lila dancing in her usual room. He stood in the doorway and waited for her to finish and he couldn’t help the ache that made his gut clench as he watched her. She was wearing a small two piece dance outfit that just looked like underwear to him and he let his eyes devour her lines as she danced. God, she had amazing legs. He suddenly wondered how they would feel wrapped around him. He let out a frustrated sigh and she stumbled when she saw him and quickly came to a stop and when she glared, he couldn’t have been more confused.

“What’s going on?” he asked, feeling a little like he was suffocating. He had a sudden fear that he was about to get dumped. Lila said nothing as she grabbed her things, her face clearly angry. 

“I got something in the mail last night,” she snapped as she walked over to him. She shoved the paper against his chest and he grabbed it in surprise. “I’m not a fucking charity case and I don’t want any part of this!” He stared after her in confusion and glanced down at the paper.

“What is this?” he asked, scanning the letter.

_The Cooper Jones Foundation is proud to announce that you are our athlete of the year. As such, we are offering sponsorship to you and will be funding any and all lessons for the following year. Upon graduation from high school, you will be eligible for scholarship to a dance school of your choice._

Jackson looked at her in surprise.

“I didn’t know anything about this,” he insisted, wondering why she was so angry. 

“Your parents chose me as athlete of the year? Their son’s girlfriend? This is clearly because we’re dating and I don’t want it. I can pay for my own damn lessons and just because I’m from the southside and don’t live like a trust fund kid, doesn’t mean I need charity,” she yelled and he watched in surprise as she stormed off.

“Well what the fuck,” he muttered, getting angry that she would lash out like that. He collected his sister and hurried home.

“Mom!” he yelled as soon as he was in the house. 

“In here,” she called from the office. Jackson stormed in and his parents looked at him in surprise. He threw the letter on the desk. 

“What is this?” he asked. Betty furrowed her brow and picked it up, reading it over.

“Well, it would appear that she’s our athlete of the year,” she said with a smile.

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why? She’s an amazing dancer, that’s why,” Betty explained.

“What’s this about Jackson,” Jughead asked. “Why are you pissed off?”

“Well, she just yelled at me that she was chosen because she’s dating me and she doesn’t want any part of it.”

“Oh dear,” Betty said in surprise. “No, Jax, she has this all wrong. She wasn’t chosen because she’s dating you. We would never play favorites like that.”

“Well, then you need to explain it to her because she’s so angry, she might just dump me,” he said worriedly. 

“Alright, put your shoes back on. We’ll head over there right now,” Betty said firmly. “Order some pizza for dinner,” she told Jughead and followed Jackson out the door.

When they arrived at Lila’s house, Jackson felt more nervous than he’d ever felt in his life. He didn’t know if it had been a good idea, coming here with his mother but he honestly didn’t know what else to do. Amelia Jordon was surprised to see them when she opened the door.

“Well, hello Betty, Jackson. Is Lila expecting you?” 

“No, she isn’t,” Betty said softly. “We’re here to straighten something up. May we come in?” The woman stepped back and let them in the house, leading them into the living room. 

“What’s going on?” she asked. Betty handed her the letter and she read it, her eyes widening in surprise. “Wow, this is amazing,” she said, her hand on her chest. 

“You didn’t know about it?” Jackson asked.

“No,” the woman said. “She got a letter in the mail yesterday but I didn’t ask her about it. I just figured if it was important she would tell me.”

“Well, there is a bit of a misunderstanding,” Betty said softly. “May I speak to Lila please?”

“Sure,” the woman said. “Lila, can you come downstairs for a minute?” she called out. Jackson took a deep breath and suddenly wanted to hide. He felt like an idiot, bringing his mother to fix a problem, but since it basically started with her letter, he couldn’t think of what else to do. Lila came down the stairs and into the living room and froze when she saw them. She looked at Jackson, her eyes narrowing in anger.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?” her mother asked her and Lila flushed and lowered her eyes. 

“I never got around to it.”

“Lila,” Betty began. “Jackson tells me that you are upset by this and seem to think you were chosen because you’re dating him.”

“Wasn’t I?” she asked with a scowl. 

“What on earth?” Amelia asked in confusion. Lila turned to her mother.

“I don’t want to be a charity case,” she explained angrily. Jackson took a step toward her and her glare stopped him in his tracks. 

“Lila, they are offering to provide funding for your dance lessons and maybe a dance school later on,” her mother said with a frown. “Why on earth would you be angry about this?”

“Let me explain,” Betty spoke again with a gentle smile. She turned to Lila and gave her her full attention. “I can assure you, Lila that you weren’t chosen because you are dating Jackson. We get nominations from coaches and teachers at the beginning of the school year and we send people to observe the athletes and we saw that you are a phenomenal dancer and that’s why you were chosen. We make the announcement near the end of the school year because the funding comes in effect when summer training starts up but the decision is made months before. You were chosen before you were dating Jackson. This decision had nothing to do with him.”

“Oh,” she said, her voice sounding small. Jackson wanted to hug her but he stayed frozen to his spot. He suddenly wished he had just gotten the truth and told her himself because now she just looked embarrassed.

“Lila, I am so disappointed,” her mother said with a sigh. “Even if they had chosen you because you’re dating Jackson, it would only be because they care about you. And since when are we too good to accept charity, if that had been the case. I raised you better than this and you owe Mrs. Jones an apology.”

“I’m really sorry,” Lila whispered and turned and ran back upstairs.

“Shit,” Jackson muttered, feeling his gut clench with anxiety. What a mess this turned into.

“We really really appreciate this, Betty and I promise you, we are so grateful and happy to accept the funding.” The woman showed her appreciation with a tight hug. Betty stepped back and smiled at Jackson. 

“Shall we go?” 

“I’m…I’m gonna hang out here for a bit,” he said as he looked at Lila’s mother. “If that’s okay? I really need to talk to her.”

“Go on up. We’ll get you home later,” she said. Jackson turned and headed up the stairs as the two women chatted on the way to the door. He knocked softly on Lila’s door and she gave the okay for him to come in. When he pushed the door open, she was sitting on her bed, hugging her pillow, wiping her face.

“Oh,” she mumbled. “I thought you were my mom.”

“Sorry,” he offered. She didn’t say anything, just kept her eyes on blanket and he walked in and closed the door, leaning back against it. “Can I ask you something?” he asked after a while. She shrugged. “Are you going to get angry with me every time I get you something nice that might cost more than you could afford if you wanted to buy it yourself.” Lila winced and let out a shaky breath.

“I guess I deserve that,” she said quietly. 

“I’m serious,” Jackson said, suddenly feeling angry. “Don’t think that your comment about a trust fund kid went over my head, because it didn’t. I’m well aware that you’re uncomfortable with the fact that my family is well off and there isn’t anything I can do about that reality, it is what it is and I’m not going to apologize for it because my parents worked really hard for their success. I mean, my father used to live on the south side too, for God’s sake. And I’m not some spoiled brat because I plan on making something of myself as well." He paused and took a breath before continuing. "Lila, you’re the only person who has ever made me feel like crap because my family has money and you might not be doing it on purpose, but it’s always there and it’s infuriating. You look at me and you see money, you see some guy with a trust fund and everything about my life makes you uncomfortable and it’s like you resent me for it. I wish for once, when you looked at me, you just saw me and not the crap around me because that’s what I see when I look at you. I don’t see where you live, or that you’re not rich or any of that shit. I just see you and how amazing and beautiful you are and I’d like to be able to buy you something pretty if I feel like it and not have you hold it against me. If you’re going to keep punishing me for being rich and thinking I’m doing things for you out of charity and not because I love you, then this isn’t going to work,” he finished with a sigh. She sat frozen on the bed, her eyes wide as she stared at him and he suddenly realized what he said.

“Okay, that was a lot to digest,” she said shakily and then she started to cry. Jackson pushed away from the door and sat beside her on the bed and pulled her onto his lap.

“I’m sorry,” she hiccupped into his neck, her arms winding around his neck. When she managed to collect herself she sighed and hugged him tighter. “I do see you, Jax, I promise I do. I’ve just had jerks make fun of me my whole life because of where I live and that some of my things are second hand and since I’ve been dating you, I’ve had to deal with assholes saying im a gold digger and when I got the letter, I guess I sort of just snapped. I already know people are going to assume this was favoritism and I just….” She paused and didn’t speak for a while. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way,” she whispered. “I don’t mean to but you’re right, I have been unfair to you about it all and I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“It’s okay, Lila. Believe me, I understand why you feel the way you feel but at some point, you’re just going to have to let it go and just let yourself be with me,” Jackson said softly, feeling the anxiety in his stomach unclench and he hugged her closer. “And I’m really proud of you, you know that? I think you’re going to have an amazing dance career.”

“Thank you,” she sniffled against his neck. “Jackson?”

“Yes?”

“Did you mean it?” she whispered. Jackson knew what she was asking and he pulled back so he could look at her tear stained face.

“Yes, I meant it,” he said simply. She studied his face and started to shake her head. “I love you,” he said softly. 

“Even after all this?”

“You think a fight is going to make me feel different?” he asked in surprise.

“I wouldn’t call it a fight,” she sighed. “I’d say it was more like me being a…” Jackson put his hand over her mouth and shook his head. 

“Don’t, that’s my girlfriend you’re talking about,” he said softly. She smiled and nodded.

“I love you too, Jackson,” she whispered. She leaned in and gave him a soft kiss and then another and when he felt things begin to heat up, she suddenly pulled back and sighed. “Can we go to your place?” she asked. “I’d really like to give your mother a better apology.”

“Okay,” he said with a smile.

 

Lila felt nervous once again as she parked the car in front of Jackson’s house. The last couple of hours had left her reeling, from finding out she had become athlete of the year on her own skill and merit and hearing Jackson tell her that he loved her, she felt in a state of shock. They climbed out of the car and he took her hand as they walked into the house. Jackson found his parents in their office and Lila walked in, her hands clasped in front of her nervously. 

“Hey guys,” Jughead said with a smile.

“Hey dad,” Jackson said and turned to smile at Lila, giving her hand a squeeze. 

“Hi,” she said softly and cleared her throat nervously. “I just wanted to say once again that I’m sorry for what happened and how I acted and I just wanted you to know that I’m so incredibly grateful and I promise I won’t take it for granted or let you guys down.”

“Oh sweetheart,” Betty said, her eyes getting misty. She came over and wrapped her arms around Lila and squeezed her tight. “I’m so sorry that we made you feel the way you did and please believe me when I say that we think you are brilliant, whether you are dating Jackson or not.” Lila’s eyes filled with tears and she could only nod.

“Thank you,” she finally managed to choke out.

“But between you and me,” Betty said quietly so only she heard. “I’m so very excited that you’re my son’s girlfriend because he picked a wonderful human to love.”

“Thank you,” Lila said again with a tearful laugh. 

“We’re gonna head upstairs,” Jackson said, taking her hand again. “She has to be back home in an hour, so…”

“Alright,” Betty said. “It was lovely to see you again dear and seriously, congratulations on the award. We’re very proud of you.” 

Lila nodded and let Jackson lead her upstairs. As soon as they were in his room and the door was closed, he took her face in his hands and kissed her. She let out a whimper and grabbed his shirt to keep her balance as his tongue slid against her bottom lip and she opened for him, letting go of his shirt and sliding her arms around his neck. He had gotten really good at these kisses over the last few months and they always left her boneless and aching. Jackson pulled away and suddenly swept her up in his arms and she let out a yelp of surprise and clung to his shoulders.

“Oh my goodness,” she laughed as he grinned at her and carried her over to his bed. “Well, you’re very strong,” she breathed when he fell down on the mattress with her.

“Well, you weight almost nothing and I work out,” he bragged and she laughed and bit her lip as she let her hand wander under his shirt and smooth over his hard stomach. She could feel the muscle contract under her touch and it gave her a secret thrill that she could affect him like that.

“Yeah, you do,” she whispered, letting her hand wander around to his strong back. She came back around again and pushed against him and he rolled on his back and she grinned as she straddled him. Jackson’s hands settled on her thighs and he let out a breath. 

She was very aware of the position of their bodies and how intimately he was pressed against her and while their makeout sessions usually didn’t go beyond some very heated kisses and hands sneaking under shirts to touch some skin, Lila knew at some point, things were going to go further and she appreciated how respectful Jackson was and how he never did anything that made her uncomfortable.

“You know,” she said softly, leaning down to brush her mouth over his. “Despite the fact that I was so pissed off earlier at the dance studio, I couldn’t help but notice the way you were looking at me when I was dancing.” Jackson flushed and she let out a small giggle.

“You look beautiful when you dance,” he said softly, his hands moving to her waist and around her back, pulling her down to his chest.

“I feel beautiful when you watch me dance,” she admitted. 

“Even when you’re mad?” he teased.

“That actually made me feel sexy,” she said shyly. “Being angry and aroused at the same time is a very potent combination.”

“Aroused?” Jackson managed to choke out as he shifted underneath her. Lila felt her stomach erupt with heat and butterflies and she nodded slowly. He moved his hands to frame her face and pulled her close for a kiss and Lila melted against him, her body shivering as he teased her mouth with his tongue. She slid her hands into his silky hair while his moved down her side and slid under her shirt, smoothing against the skin of her back. “Your skin feels so soft,” he whispered against her mouth and she smiled in response. His hands moved down to her lower back and his fingers played along the waist of her jeans, moving a little further down and then quickly back up.

“Stop teasing,” she whimpered before she realized what she was saying. Her body was aching and his hands were driving her crazy and she wiggled against him, eliciting a low groan from him. He moved his hands down again and they settled hesitantly over her backside and having never done this, he stilled and waited to see what she would do. Lila took a shuddering breath and moved against him, unable to help herself and then she felt his hands squeeze gently and her hips moved seemingly on their own. He kissed her more urgently and Lila felt like her body started on fire as heat flooded through her. When she felt his body respond to her and press against her, she let out a moan, pressing back and gasping at the pleasure she felt.

“Are you okay?” he whispered, pulling back from the kiss, his hands moving to her back. 

“Yeah,” she breathed and Jackson rolled them so she was on her back and he braced on his elbow beside her. 

“Was that—was that okay?” he asked, looking a little flushed. She nodded and smiled. He looked so ridiculously cute when he blushed, she grabbed his face and pulled him down for another kiss and it didn’t take her long before she pulled him on top of her, needing to feel him pressed against her again. “Lila,” he groaned when she arched up, her hands sliding under his shirt and feeling his stomach.

“I can’t help it,” she said breathlessly. “I like touching you.” Jackson rested his forehead against hers and took a deep breath. 

“Well, I like touching you too,” he said gruffly. “A little too much.” Lili furrowed her brow.

“What do you mean?” she asked curiously. Jackson swallowed and lifted his head, gripping her waist under her shirt with his hand. 

“Today, when I was watching you dance, I wondered what your legs would feel like wrapped around me and the way you’re pressed against me now, I can’t help but wonder what it would feel like without clothes.” Lila could barely breathe and his face was red from his admission. “And sometimes I want to put my hands further up your shirt, but I don’t want to seem like I’m just…like I want…..I don’t know,” he sighed. Lila took a deep breath and took his hand which was resting against her skin and slowly slid it up to her chest until it rested over her bra and his head dropped to her shoulder as he let out a shaky breath.

“Shit,” he muttered and he pressed against her core as he gave a gentle squeeze. Lila was taking deep breaths and she was feeling so many things that she felt overwhelmed. Jackson kissed her again and it was eager and hungry and she found herself kissing him back just as eagerly, her body trembling slightly when his fingers traced along the edge of her bra, teasing the skin. When his mouth left hers and trailed kisses down her neck, she let out a moan and arched her back, lifting her chest into his hand, desperate to feel more. When he started to suck gently on the skin under her collarbone, her legs lifted and wrapped around his waist. 

“Jax,” she whimpered, her nails raking over the skin of his back and he shuddered against her, his hips pressing into hers and she moved against him, craving the friction from his arousal between her legs. She could feel his fingers sliding into her bra cup and started to panic a little at the heat flooding her . “Jax, wait,” she whimpered again and he stopped immediately and rolled off her, taking deep breathes and attempting to adjust his jeans. 

“Fuck,” he gasped, taking a deep breath.

“I’m sorry,” she said quickly, rolling to her side and touching her hand to his arm. He looked at her in surprise.

“No, God, don’t apologize,” he said quickly. “I’m sorry, I went too far.”

“No, you didn’t,” she assured him. “I just got nervous,” Lila admitted. “We’ve never done that and I couldn’t think.”

“In a good way?” he asked, rolling to his side to face her.

“In an amazing, I want to rip your clothes off way,” she sighed. He grinned and she rolled her eyes. “Stop looking so smug,” she laughed. He shifted closer and pressed a soft kiss to her neck and more along her jaw.

“Sorry, I kind of enjoy making my sexy girlfriend want to rip my clothes off,” he murmured. He leaned back and she giggled and hugged him. “I love you,” he said softly.

“I love you too,” she sighed happily.

“And just to be clear, all the stuff we just did? We don’t have to do any of it if you’re not comfortable. I don’t ever want you to feel pressured to do something you don’t want to do,” he said softly. 

“I know,” Lila smiled. “That’s why I love you; you’re the sweetest, most respectful guy ive ever met and I know you would never push me to do anything, so thank you for that.”

“You’re welcome,” Jax said softly against her ear. She turned her head to kiss him again and couldn’t believe how her day had turned around. She felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter in a couple of days....things get naughty ;)


	5. Let's Talk About Sex

Lila was walking past the student lounge on the first day of school when she heard her name and Jackson’s voice. She smiled and paused and was about to go in when she heard Logan’s laughter and his crude remarks.

“Come on man, you’re telling me you’re not banging Lila yet? You spent the entire summer making out and not having sex?” He laughed. She felt her stomach drop and she cringed back against the wall, thinking she should maybe keep moving but she felt frozen to her spot.

“Don’t talk about her like that,” Jackson snapped, the irritation clear in his voice. 

“You’re still a virgin?” somebody else laughed and Lila clutched her bag to her chest, chewing her lip nervously. 

“First of all, that’s none of your damn business and second of all, I’m not with Lila just so I can bang her.” 

“You don’t want to sleep with her?”

“Of course I want to sleep with her, but I would never push her, I love her.”

“You might not anymore if she sucks in bed,” Logan laughed. 

“Fuck you.” 

“Come on man, I’m kidding,” Logan laughed as Jackson stormed out of the room and right past where she was pressed against the wall. She opened her mouth to call out to him and found her voice stuck in her throat. She quickly hurried in the opposite direction to her locker to get her homework before heading home. Her and Jackson had been dating for almost 7 months and it was amazing and she was so in love with him and while their summer had been spent working and yes, making out, they hadn’t gone past the feeling each other up stage. 

The entire thing made her nervous and the furthest they had gone was touching on top of clothes. A lot of touching. Well, there was also the touching under the shirts and on more than one occasion, shirts had come off and she shivered when she thought about Jackson’s mouth moving over her skin, even over the swell of her breasts but her bra never came off and their hands never went below the waist. He never indicated that he wanted more or wanted to go further and whenever she got overwhelmed, he stopped immediately and he never looked like he was upset about their slow pace.

Lila knew he wanted her; that much was obvious when they were making out. She could always feel how much and she wanted him too, she just wasn’t ready and she really didn’t know when she would be. They had never talked about it and she thought that maybe it was time that they did. 

She jumped when a pair of arms suddenly came around her waist and a familiar body pressed against her back. 

“Hi baby,” Jackson whispered against her ear, pressing a kiss to her cheek. Lila smiled and turned, leaning back against her locker. She looked at him and smiled because he looked so happy to see her. 

“Hi,” she said softly and he leaned in to give her a kiss. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled him closer and returned his kiss eagerly. When she felt herself get a little too excited, she pulled back and peeked up at him through her lashes. “My mom is working the late shift tonight,” she whispered. “Do you want to come over?”

“Hmmmm, let’s see….hang out at home doing nothing or going to see my beautiful girlfriend without her mom hovering….i don’t know, that’s a hard one,” he teased. Lila smacked his chest with an eyeroll and he laughed. “What are we going to be doing?” he asked.

“Watching a movie, maybe some homework because the math teacher this year is an ass and gave homework on the first day of school. Promise when you’re a teacher you won’t be an ass to your students,” she sighed.

“I promise,” he winked, pulling back from her to grab her bag. “What time you want me to come by?”

“7:00?”

“Okay, sounds good. You need a ride home?” he asked as they walked to the front of the school.

“My mom is here, I have a doctor’s appointment she’s taking me to.”

“Everything okay?” Jackson asked.

“Yeah, just a check up. I’ll see you at 7:00?” 

“On the dot,” he smiled, leaning down for another kiss. She grabbed her bag and left him grinning after her.

 

Later that evening, Lila was sitting on the bed, staring blankly at her homework while Jackson lay back against a pillow, reading a book. His hand was resting on her knee and the gentle circles he was making with his thumb were driving her crazy. She kept glancing at him and chewing her lip, trying to concentrate on her numbers.

“Something on your mind?” he asked suddenly, peeking around his book at her. “I can feel you staring at me.”

“No, no, just thinking,” she said quickly, looking back at her work. After a few moments, she looked at him again and he lowered his book.

“Spit it out,” he said with a sigh. Lila shook her head and looked back at her books and he sighed again and lifted his to read. She tapped her pencil on her notebook and then let it drop and just blurted it out.

“Do you want to have sex?” 

Jackson slowly lowered his book and stared at her, his surprise evident in his face.

“Right now?” he asked in confusion.

“No, I mean in general. Do you want to have sex with me?”

“Is this a trick question?” 

“No,” Lila said with a roll of her eyes. “I’m asking if you want to have sex with me. Like, do you ever think about it?”

“Well….yeah….” Jackson said slowly. She put her books to the side and pulled her knees up. 

“Like a lot? Do you think about it a lot?” Jackson flushed as if he’d been caught doing something wrong and he put his book to the side.

“Why are you asking?” 

“I heard you and Logan talking today,” she admitted and his eyes widened as he scrambled to a sitting position.

“God, Lila, that was…I’m sorry, it wasn’t what you think,” he stumbled, his face going full red.

“No, it’s okay,” she said quickly. “I’m not mad, I’m just….well, I heard you say you wanted to sleep with me and i….”

“Did you hear what else I said?”

“Yes, I heard you,” Lila smiled. “And thank you for being so sweet, especially in front of your friends but…..i mean, it seems like most of your friends have lost their virginity and are dragging you about it and I just feel like maybe you might want…”

“Like maybe I might want what? Want to sleep with you just to get them off my back?”

“No…maybe? I don’t know. There is all this pressure to just do it and …”

“Lila, stop,” Jackson said gently, sliding over to sit next to her. “Yes, I want to sleep with you and yes, I think about it a lot, like pretty much every time I touch you or kiss you, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to pressure you to have sex. Hell, as much as I’d like to, I don’t know if I’m ready either. Do you ever think about it?”

“Yeah,” she said in a whisper. “All the time.”

“And do you think we’re ready? Do you think you’re ready?” 

“I’m not ready,” she admitted. “And there is so much pressure from everywhere and sometimes it makes me angry. Even my mother is constantly asking if we’re doing it and if we’re being safe. That’s what the appointment was about today. She wants me to go on birth control.”

“Oh. Wow.”

“She doesn’t seem to believe that we aren’t having sex and she’s scared the same thing will happen to me that happened to her.”

“I’m sorry,” Jackson said softly. 

“I don’t want to just have sex because that’s what everyone is doing. I want it to be special and I want it to mean something and I know when we finally do it, it will mean something because I love you and there is nobody else I’d want to take that step with except you but I’m just not ready. I don’t….I don’t know when I’ll be ready. It seems like such a huge thing and this big responsibility and I don’t know if I want it yet.”

“It’s okay Lila,” he said with a smile. “I don’t think I’m ready either and I don’t want to just lose my virginity for the sake of losing it. It seems like it should be more important than that.” She smiled and leaned in to give him a kiss and felt his smile against her lips. 

“You’re thinking about it now, aren’t you,” she giggled. He chuckled and pulled back.

“Well, I did tell you I think about it every time I touch you and we just talked about it, so yeah, now it’s like the only thing in my brain.”

“Every time you touch me?” she asked shyly. “Like you picture me naked? Us naked?” Jackson groaned and pulled away.

“Really?” he growled, glaring at her. “Stop saying _naked_.”

“Well, I’m curious,” she laughed. “How do you picture me?” Jackson flopped back on the bed and rested his arm on his forehead as he stared at the ceiling. 

“Sometimes when I watch you dance and you’re wearing that underwear…” Lila burst into laughter.

“It’s a dance outfit, you goof.”

“Well, it looks like underwear to me and then all I can see are your long sexy legs wrapped around me and I wonder how quickly I could take off that underwear…”

“Okay, okay, stop,” she sighed, her face flushed and her body humming. 

“Shit,” he muttered, shifting and grabbed a pillow and placed it over his midsection. Lila bit her lip to stifle her giggle.

“See what you did?” she teased. “Stop picturing me naked and you won’t need a pillow.” He huffed in frustration and grabbed his book, hiding his red face behind it. She sat for a while, her brain full of images that had her aching and feeling a little frustrated and she couldn’t seem to stop her brain or her mouth.

“Jackson?”

“What?” he all but growled.

“Do you ever touch yourself?”

“Oh my god!” he groaned, letting his book cover his face. “Are you serious right now?”

“When I do it…I’m always thinking about you,” she added in a hushed voice.

“Fuck.” 

Frustration. Arousal. Surprise. She heard it all in his curse and she bit her lip and pulled the pillow off of him. He was fully aroused and she felt her stomach clench with need. He moved the book off his face and the look in his eyes made the ache move lower and she shivered.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his frustration clear. 

“I don’t know,” she said softly. “I just…I meant what I said, I’m not ready to have sex, but maybe…maybe we could….do other stuff?” Jackson let out a breath and let the book fall to the side.

“What…what other stuff?” he asked, his eyes running slowly down her body. “We always….we never…you never want to do other stuff,” he reminded her gently.

“Well, do you ever think about anything you’d like to do?” she asked shyly. “I sometimes think about helping with….with that…” she finished, her voice shaking a little as she nodded toward his mid section.

“Jesus, Lila,” he muttered. She flushed and lay down beside him, curling into his side.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I just thought….nevermind.” Jackson moved suddenly and she was on her back with him braced over her. 

“Why are you apologizing?” he asked.

“I don’t know.” Jackson smiled and gently pulled her glasses off, putting them on the bedside table before turning back to her.

“I do think about things I’d like to do,” he said softly and she shivered under his intense gaze.

“Like what?” Lila asked, her heart hammering in her chest. He hadn’t even done anything and she already felt like he was touching her everywhere. She wondered if that was normal.

“Well, you know how a few times you’ve taken your shirt off?” he mentioned. She nodded quickly. “Sometimes I wish you weren’t wearing a bra either,” he said, his face turning red at his admission. “Or, maybe I could just put my hand inside it because I want to know if your….if they feel as good as I think they would or if they…” he trailed off, his words seeming stuck in his throat.

“If they what?” she whispered. Jackson lowered his head and hid his burning face against her hair. 

“If they taste good,” he whispered back. Lila let out a breath as a jolt went through her and she clenched her thighs together. She could feel him pressed against her hip and she shifted so his leg was between hers, pressing herself against his thigh.

“Is talking about this supposed to make me feel this hot?” she gasped, moving against him. Jackson moved and settled himself between her legs and she whimpered when he pressed himself to her. She was wearing a thin pair of shorts and she was already aching and his movements made her feel like she was on fire. He braced on his forearms and his hands smoothed her hair back and he smiled down at her.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said softly. 

“Are you saying that because you want to touch my boobs?” she teased. He laughed and shook his head, brushing his lips against hers. Lila lifted and pressed her mouth more firmly against his, her hands sliding into his hair as she kissed him. When he slid his tongue into her mouth, she lifted her leg and hiked it over his hip while he lowered a hand to slide along the skin of the other. When he ran it up the inside of her thigh, she bucked against him and he groaned into her mouth and pulled away, breathing heavy.

“God, Lila,” he gasped. “I can’t get that image out of my head.”

“What image?” she breathed, still moving against him.

“You thinking about me while you touch yourself.”

“I do,” she whimpered, not helping his problem at all. Her hands went under his shirt and then she started tugging on it and he leaned up and pulled it over his head before he took her mouth again. She couldn’t seem to decide where to touch him so her hands were everywhere and she felt him trembling under her touch. He was a few months shy of 17 and he had a man’s body already, tall and strong and she was secretly thrilled that he loved to work out and run with his father. When his hand moved under her shirt, she didn’t waste any time in reaching down and pulling it off. 

“Holy shit,” he breathed when he looked down at her. He braced on his hands and stared at her chest. “Okay, I’ve seen a few of your bras and that…I’ve never seen that.” 

“It’s new,” she said with a blush. He managed to tear his gaze away from her chest and up to her face. She bit her lip and smiled. She had bought it with him in mind, when her mother wasn’t around and it barely covered her nipples and she knew if she was breathing heavy enough, her breasts would probably pop right out, and his reaction was completely worth the money she had overspent. 

“You’re usually…they’re usually completely covered,” he choked out. Lila smiled and pulled him down and he groaned when their skin touched from waist to chest. “Damn, you feel good.” He kissed her again and it wasn’t long before his hand crept slowly up her side and brushed against the side of her breast and she arched and twisted, wanting him to touch her. He seemed to know what she wanted and gently cupped her, squeezing lightly and catching her whimper with a kiss. When his mouth moved down her neck and across the top of her chest she gripped his back and when it brushed lightly against the swell not covered by lace she let out a moan, pressing against him to relieve the ache.

His heavy breathing against her skin made Lila shudder and he lifted his head and looked at her, his eyes that dark shade of blue that told her how turned on he was. Not that she couldn’t feel it pressed between her legs. She moved against him again and his hand squeezed in reaction. He held her gaze as he ran his finger tips along the edge of the lace, playing with it and lifting it slightly, sliding just the tip of his finger underneath. His forehead lowered to hers and she gripped his arms, feeling how tense he was. She knew what he wanted and she bit her lip and nodded shyly and he slowly pulled the lace down and when his hand covered her bare breast, he let out a ragged groan.

“So,” she managed to say. “Does it feel as good as you thought?”

“So much better,” he said hoarsely. He squeezed again and then he cupped it, his thumb sliding lightly over the peak. Lila felt like she was going to lose her mind. Her heart was racing, her body was aching and there was pressure building between her legs that had her straining against him, trying to seek some relief. His thumb moved again and she could feel the nipple harden and he lifted his head and looked down at it, his breath ragged and choppy. He rocked against her and she dug her nails into his skin and he gasped in response.

“Can I kiss you here,” he whispered, his thumb flicking over her again. 

“Yes,” Lila breathed, suddenly wanting that more than air. His kissed his way down and he placed a soft kiss on the swell of her breast and she couldn’t help but arch her back, lifting to him. His next kiss landed right next to the peak and the next, directly over it. She let out a sound that she couldn’t really explain and he just sort of hovered, his lips brushing against her until she thought she was going to lose her mind. “Jackson!” she pleaded, her hand gripping his hair and then she felt his tongue glide over it. “Oh my god,” Lila gasped. “Do that again,” she whimpered and he was only too happy to oblige her and then he covered it with his mouth and sucked gently. “Jax,” she whispered, tugging on his hair. He released her slowly and lifted his head, his eyes dark, his breathing heavy. 

“Was that too much?” he asked gruffly. She quickly shook her head.

“No, I’m just…I need to breathe for a second,” she explained.

“You’re okay though” he asked as he eased to the side. Her eyes moved down his bare torso and she took another deep breath. It really should be illegal to be that good looking she thought to herself. 

“I’m okay,” Lila whispered. “I just ache.” Jackson’s hand had covered her breast again and he kept it still but seemed unwilling to let her go just yet.

“Where?” he asked in a gruff whisper. Lila wasn’t really sure where her shyness had evaporated to as she took his hand and moved it down between her legs. His fingers automatically pressed against her and she lifted her hips in response. “Can I touch you?” he asked, his voice shaking a little. She could tell he was nervous and she was as well, but it was mixed with longing and excitement. She nodded and held her breath as he undid the button of her shorts and slowly pulled the zipper down. He slipped his hand in and under her panties, pausing right above where she wanted him to go. “Are you sure?” he whispered. 

“Please,” Lila begged, her body screaming for some kind of relief. He slid his hand lower and then he was touching her and she gasped as he groaned. He slid his fingers along her folds and when he brushed against her clit she jumped so he did it again.

“That good?” he asked, his voice sounding a little like he was getting strangled. 

“Yeah,” she replied, moving her hand to his chest and stroking his warm skin. He felt so wound up, she wondered how he was controlling himself. 

“You feel like silk,” he said, sounding almost in awe. She knew she was soaking and when he started to rub her with two fingers, she drew in a ragged breath, her hand moving to grip his upper arm. 

“That feels good,” she whispered. “Can you kiss me?” He immediately did as she asked, her mouth opening for his tongue and it only intensified the pleasure she felt. She had never felt anything like this and her own exploration of her body didn’t come close to how his fingers felt and she could feel herself start to shake.

Jackson kissed her slowly and gently rubbed against her and when she moaned and lifted her hips for more, he applied more pressure and his mouth left hers and moved down to her still uncovered breast. He took her in his mouth again and Lila fell apart, the pressure breaking and washing over her in waves of pleasure so sharp, she cried out his name as she came in a writhing mess. He lifted his head and watched her, still rubbing slowly as she gasped in pleasure before slowly coming back down.

“Fuck, that was hot,” he blurted and she blushed and let out an embarrassed giggle, turning to hide her face in his shoulder. He pulled his hand out and wiped his fingers on his jeans and pressed a kiss to her neck before easing her back. “That was good?”

“That was amazing, you’re…you’re really good at that,” she said, her voice still shaking and her body trembling. 

“I may or may not have looked up an article I heard my mom talking to my dad about on how a man should please a woman,” he admitted. Lila started to laugh and he grinned. She lay for a few moments and Jackson gently pulled up the lace of her bra and covered her again and she smiled at him. She felt boneless and blissed out but couldn’t help but notice how tense he still was and she gently pushed against him so he lay on his back. Lila leaned down to kiss him and let her hand wander down his front, smiling against his mouth at the way his muscles contracted under her touch. She moved and placed kisses across his chest and he let out a breath, his hands sliding into her hair. Letting her hand rest just above his jeans, she lifted her head and smiled at him.

“Can I?” she asked softly, her hand moving lower to brush against him. He swallowed and nodded and she bit her lip as she undid his jeans, sliding her hand inside under his boxers and when her fingertips brushed against him, his body jerked a little and she moved lower and wrapped her hand around him. 

“Holy shit,” he gasped. “That feels so much better than when I do it.” She drew in a breath at his words and at the feel of him, smooth and warm and hard. She had nobody to compare him to but he felt bigger than she expected and she wondered how he would feel when they finally had sex. “Lila,” he breathed when she moved her hand. “I don’t think this is going to take long,” he groaned. She smiled and kissed him again. 

“Am I doing it right?” she asked.

“A little tighter,” he said shakily and she tightened her grip and he moved against her hand. She kissed him again, stroking her hand at a steady pace and when she heard his _faster_ she picked up the pace and she could feel his body start to stiffen and just as her wrist was starting to ache, he let out a deep groan and she felt something warm and silky spill over her hand. “Shit,” he gasped, his hand gripping her waist a little tighter than was comfortable. “Sorry, I didn’t have time to warn you.”

“It’s okay,” she said with a delighted smile. She had made him fall apart in only a couple of minutes and she felt oddly thrilled with that fact. After he managed to pull himself together, Jackson grabbed his shirt and was about to clean her hand and she shook her head. “No, you have to wear that,” she laughed and leaned over him to grab a tissue off her night stand.

“Christ,” he muttered when he suddenly had a face full of barely covered breasts. When she realized she stared to giggle and couldn’t seem to stop. He rolled his eyes and cleaned her hand for her and himself and tossed it in her garbage can next to the bed. He looked at her face and started laughing. “Shouldn’t I be the one wearing the smug proud look?” he asked.

“Well, I think we both should,” she smiled. He lay on his side and pulled her close and sighed when he once again felt her pressed against him.

“Maybe you should put your shirt back on,” he suggested, his voice soft and husky. 

“You first,” Lila teased, running her hand up his arm. He just smiled and she touched his face, running her thumb over his cheekbone. “I’m really glad I got to do that with you,” she whispered. 

“You’re going to do a whole lot more with me,” he promised.

“What if I want to wait a while before we have sex?” she asked quietly. “Like, until we’re done high school.” 

“Then we’ll wait,” Jackson said gently. 

“Are you sure?” she whispered.

“Lila, I love you. I’m not with you just for sex. If that’s all I wanted, I wouldn’t be in a relationship. Besides, a lot of people wait to have sex; some even wait until they’re married. If they can do it, I’m pretty certain we can,” he chuckled.

“What if we start having problems?”

“Well, I know we’re both new to this and we’re the only people each of us has dated and if we do have problems, I’m pretty sure sex isn’t going to fix anything.”

“Did your parents tell you that?” she asked with a smile.

“No, they pretty much said ‘don’t do it until you’re ready, don’t use it to manipulate, always be safe, never pressure your partner, and if an accident does occur, man up and take care of your responsibility,’ that’s about it,” Jackson explained. “Along with a lot of details I don’t ever want to hear my parents talk about again.” Lila giggled and nodded.

“My mom too. Except hers was more simple and to the point ‘don’t ever let a man talk his way into your pants if you’re not ready because if they pressure you, then all they want is sex and they’ll get you pregnant and leave’,” Lila sighed. “She only gives advice based on a decision she made that got her into trouble.”

“I promise I won’t ever pressure you and if we do get ourselves into trouble, I wouldn’t run away because I’m not an asshole and also because my parents would kill me if I did,” he laughed.

“You have really great parents,” Lila said softly. “I don’t know any guys like you. Everyone at school is just chasing to get laid and you’re lying here promising to wait with me, to wait _for_ me.”

“I want to wait too,” he assured her. “So, I’m glad we’re on the same page. Takes the pressure off both of us and I don’t mind waiting and if it happens sooner than we plan, it will be because we both want it.”

“And we’re not exactly staying completely innocent,” she said with a blush, her hand moving over his stomach. “We just had our hands in each other’s underwear.”

“And I have an image in my head of you that will probably never leave,” he groaned, leaning in and burying his face in her hair. “I still can’t believe you said that.”

“What?” she said, her voice a husky whisper. “About touching myself and thinking about you.”

“Fuck, stop it,” he growled. Lila giggled and raked her nails along his side, causing him to shudder. “Well, just so you know,” he sighed. “Sometimes, when I take a shower, after I’ve been working out with my dad and my muscles are really defined, the water pouring over me, running down my skin…”

“Oh my god,” Lila choked out, her stomach clenching at the sudden image. 

“I think about you and touch myself too,” he finished. 

“You couldn’t have just said you think about me in the shower?” she grumbled, feeling extremely flushed again.

“Well, what would be the fun in that?” he laughed. “I know you like my body and I figured I’d paint a nice picture.”

“Yeah, well, you like mine too,” she said, not able to get her brain to form a better response.

“Honestly Lila, dancing has given you an incredible body and is it wrong of me to say that I’m so glad you’re a nerd and that most of the idiots at school run after the cheerleaders, because if they knew what I know…..” his voice trailed off with a sigh and she smiled.

“It wouldn’t matter if they knew,” she said, pressing closer to him. “Because I only want you.”

“I love you,” Jackson said softly.

“I love you too,” she whispered and pressed her mouth to his. His kiss was gentle and sweet and when his hand moved down her side and trailed along her leg hiked over his hip, she found herself wanting him to touch her all over again. Lila pushed away slowly and let out a shaky breath. “My mom will be home soon and we probably shouldn’t get all worked up again.”

“Right,” he sighed, pulling away and sitting up. He grabbed her shirt and handed it to her before pulling on his. “And since she seems to think we’re doing it, maybe we should be in the living room when she gets home?”

“Actually, you probably shouldn’t be here when she gets home because I didn’t tell her you were coming,” she said with a guilty look.

“Good thinking,” he said with a nod. 

They headed downstairs and she walked him to the door, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him tight.

“Text me when you get home,” she mumbled into his shirt.

“I will,” he smiled, leaning down and giving her another thorough kiss. “Also, thank you for buying that new bra,” he whispered in her ear. Lila flushed and he laughed, giving her another squeeze. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He left and she closed the door, leaning against it with a grin on her face. 

“Oh my goodness,” she whispered, her hand trailing down her front. She knew she would be spending half the night awake and just thinking about his hands and mouth and she decided the lack of sleep would be worth it.

 

Jackson smiled all the way home and he was still smiling when he wandered into the kitchen to grab himself a snack. His parents were sitting at the table talking about something and they looked at him in surprise.

“Hey,” his mother said. “It’s kind of late, where have you been?”

“Lila’s,” he said, still grinning. He grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and bit into it.

“Oh, that’s nice. You have a good time?” she asked. 

“Yeah,” Jackson said, his smile getting a little bigger. His father leaned back in his chair and a small smirk appeared on his face.

“Why are you being weird?” Betty asked.

“How am I being weird?” Jackson wondered.

“You’re smiling a little more than usual. What were you doing at Lila’s house?”

“Homework,” he replied and still grinning, left the kitchen.

“Why is he being weird?” he heard her ask and his father laughed.

“You probably don’t want to know.” There was a moment of silence.

“Oh Jug, no….” His mom sounded horrified and his dad only laughed.

“I’m still a virgin,” Jackson called back.

“Oh thank God,” Betty exclaimed in relief and Jughead only laughed harder and Jackson ran up the stairs, the grin seemingly etched on his face.


	6. Temptations

It had been a mistake.

That’s what Lila thought as she pressed herself into the wall in the crowded house just over the train tracks on the North Side. It was the senior year Halloween bash and she had foolishly told Jackson to just meet her here since it was only a few blocks from her house and then he had text that he would be late because of some family issue and now she was alone in a crowd of people she still wasn’t comfortable around without Jackson nearby.

They had been dating for a year and 8 months and people still treated her like she was gold digging and whatever the hell else they said behind her back. It didn’t matter how much Jackson interfered or went to bat for her, as soon as he wasn’t around, she got looks and whispers and snickers. 

“Hey, where’s your gold suit,” a bear snickered as it walked past. Of course, in all these costumes that worked as disguises for many, people were a little more bold than normal. Katie walked by in a sexy nurse costume and Lila had to work hard not to roll her eyes at the cliché. The girl gave her a fiery look but in the last year she had kept her hateful comments to herself because Jackson had put her in her place and as much as she didn’t like Lila, Katie loved being at the top of the totem pole and if she messed with Lila again, Jackson had threatened to ruin her reputation. Of course, only Lila knew he would never stoop to anything like that, but his popularity made the threat work.

Lila pulled away from the wall and headed into the kitchen to find something to drink and was jostled rather rudely from behind. She fell against the table and winced when the edge dug into her side. 

“Sorry, Goldie,” came a laugh from someone dressed up as the scream killer. Lila gritted her teeth and headed toward the bathroom. Thankfully it was empty and she quickly locked the door and sat down on the toilet seat and let out a shaky breath. Her phone buzzed and she pulled it out and almost cried in relief that Jackson had arrived. She told him she was in the bathroom and a couple of minutes later there was a soft knock at the door. She quickly opened it and smiled happily when she saw him, pulling him in and locking the door again.

“Hi baby,” he said softly, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her close. 

“Hi,” she whispered, hugging him back tightly. As usual, he could immediately tell she was upset.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, pulling back. 

“Nothing,” Lila said, shaking her head. “I’m just glad you’re here.” She was going to head out and he grabbed her hand and leaned back against the counter, pulling her against him, his arms wrapped loosely around her waist.

“Nope, we’re staying right here until you tell me what’s wrong,” he said firmly. Lila sighed and rested her hands on his chest.

“It’s nothing Jax, just the same shit as always. Getting harassed, but tonight they’re extra bold because they are hiding behind masks,” Lila shrugged. Jackson bristled with anger.

“That’s it,” he fumed, standing up. “I’ve had enough of this shit!” He was about to head out and Lila stopped him.

“Jackson, it won’t help, so please just leave it,” she pleaded. “Every time you stand up for me, you make it worse,” she informed him, her chin trembling.

“Well, I can’t stand this anymore,” Jackson snapped. “You’re my girlfriend and it kills me that they treat you like that and there isn’t anything I can do about it. I just keep waiting for the day when you get tired of it all,” he finished quietly, sounding more vulnerable than she’d ever heard him.

“What do you mean?” she asked in confusion. Jackson swallowed and stepped back, one arm across his chest, his hand holding onto his other arm in what she had learned was a defensive gesture, when he felt upset or ganged up on. She’d first seen it when his father had given him hell for getting a speeding ticket and another time when his mother was furious at him for hitting his little brother out of sheer frustration at his constant annoying behavior. “Jax?” He lifted his head and she was shocked to see his eyes developing a sheen that looked suspiciously like he may cry and she touched his face, shaking her head in confusion. “What is this?” she asked softly. 

“I know you’ve been bullied Lila, for a long time and when we started dating, I foolishly thought my popularity would somehow make it all go away. I admit now that I was arrogant and dumb in thinking I had some sort of power to control people with my status, but I swear to God, it seems to have gotten worse since you started dating me and I keep….” Jackson took a deep breath. “I keep thinking you’ll get sick of it all and break up with me.” He looked so scared by the idea that Lila fell a little more in love with him.

“You think I’m going to break up with you?” she asked with a slight smile. He shrugged and she wrapped her arms around his neck and his arms immediately went around her, pulling her close. “Now why would I break up with a guy who’s tearing up at that very thought; a guy whose arms I crave around me all the time; a guy who makes my heart race every time he winks at me across the gym at school; a guy who has the happiest smile every time he sees me; a guy who calls me when he can’t sleep and asks me to read to him because my voice helps relax him and he falls asleep listening to me; a guy who tells me every single night, in a phone call and a text that he loves me?” Lila asked gently. “Why would I break up with someone as wonderful as you?”

“I don’t know, are you sure I’m that wonderful, because right now I sound kind of like an idiot,” he said with a relieved chuckle.

“A cute idiot,” she giggled, leaning in to give him a kiss.

“You know,” he whispered against her ear when he pulled away. “You’re a very sexy kitten.”

“And you’re a very sexy….” She looked him over and took in his dark pants and green and red striped sweater. “Well, I have no idea, but you’re very sexy,” she smiled. He laughed and kissed her again.

“I’m Freddy Krueger, but I forgot my mask, hat and claw hands,” he said sheepishly. Lila burst into laughter and hugged him. 

“You adorable dork. How do you forget the most important parts of the costume?”

“Things were a little tense at home and I just forgot,” he sighed.

“What’s going on?” Lila asked.

“Annie got in trouble. She’s been sneaking out and somehow I got dragged into it because she told them she saw me do it once too and then I got in trouble,” he grumbled.

“You snuck out once?” 

“Yeah, I was 15 and Logan wanted to go to the river at night and I don’t even remember why. I snuck out and paid Annie 20 bucks to not tell on me because she saw,” Jackson explained. “My dad was going to ground me and my mom insisted that I was almost 18 and therefore I shouldn’t be grounded and my dad said that’s not how it works and then they started fighting and Annie started crying and yelling that she wasn’t allowed to do anything ever and she was almost 15 and I just kind of stood there and my mom practically shoved me out the door and told me to go be with my girl. So here I am, in a sweater and pants,” he explained. 

“Your dad was going to ground you for sneaking out at 15? What the hell?” Lila laughed. “Wow, that’s….wow, I didn’t know the Jones family could have such chaos,” she finished with a smirk. 

“God, seriously? With my parents? They are both so dramatic and when one of us kids gets in trouble they argue over who the kid belongs to. The bad kids usually belong to dad and the good ones belong to mom,” Jackson laughed. “Except when the bad kid does something dad thinks is awesome, like when I decked Mantle last month for calling you a whore. See, that he was proud of and was happy to claim ownership and of course my mom got all in a tizzy about it and read him the riot act and he just laughed and then she threatened something about the bedroom and I made a bee line for the exit at that point. All their squabbling over who the kid belongs to usually ends with them making out, which is gross. I swear it’s foreplay to them.” Lila giggled and he rolled his eyes. “I’ll probably catch hell from my dad tomorrow, but I’m here now, so I’d rather just kiss a kitten and worry about that later,” he grinned, his hands going to the zipper of her kitten costume that was actually just a leopard print extra large onesie; she added the whiskers with eyeliner and had herself a comfy costume. 

Jackson slowly pulled down the zipper and let out a groan when he saw her pink lacy bra. 

“Thank you for not wearing anything under this,” he said with a smirk as he leaned in the kiss her neck, his hands sliding into the costume and moving up her bare sides.

“You have become very handsy,” she giggled, then shivered when his hands brushed the sides of her breasts.

“You like it,” he murmured as his mouth moved to her collarbone and she let out a happy sigh at the feel of his mouth licking at her skin.

“I do,” she admitted, wrapping her arms around his neck and grasping his hair to pull his mouth up for a kiss. He had gotten so good at these kisses and they always left her feeling boneless and aching and wanting to rip his clothes off and forget all about their pact to wait until they were done with school. So far, they had managed to stick to their plan, as hard as it was and Lila figured they would be able to make it. 

Probably.

Obviously, at this point, they weren’t exactly innocent but they had managed to keep his parts out of her parts, well, unless you were counting fingers, in which case, they were constantly in each other’s pants. They had gotten very good at that. Learned what the other liked, how they liked it, the speed to go at, how to tease. They had gotten so good at it that neither of them were shy about it anymore and oh the fun they had. They had also never been completely naked because Jackson had said that was playing with fire. 

He was right.

Probably.

Lila let her hand wander under his sweater and over his torso and she sighed into his kiss. God, he was so fit and strong. He was four months shy of 18 and stood six feet two inches tall and while she wasn’t tiny at five foot seven, he still seemed to tower over her and she loved how he had to pull her up to not hurt his neck during long kisses and more often than not, she was barely touching the floor by the time they finished. When she felt his hands slide around inside her suit and grip her back side, she pulled away with a regretful sigh.

“Mmmmm come back,” he grumbled, chasing her mouth, squeezing with his hands as he pressed her against him. 

“We have a party to attend,” she laughed. 

“But I’d much rather stay in here with you,” he groaned. “Or better yet, let’s just leave and go make out somewhere,” he suggested.

“You’re such a horndog,” Lila said with an eye roll. 

“Well, I can’t help it. I’ve got my hands on the ass of the sexiest girl in Riverdale and I’m feeling a little needy.”

“Sexiest girl?” she laughed. “I think most at school would beg to differ.”

“That’s because they’re all idiots,” Jackson insisted.

“Well, let’s go mingle and I’ll just….” Lila pulled her zipper back up and stopped just below her bra. “Let them all see how sexy I am,” she smirked. If she kept it there, her lace was visible, as well as her cleavage and everyone would see what Jackson had. She laughed at his scowl. 

“No,” he muttered, pulling the zipper up. “Those are mine.”

“Is that so?” Lila asked, folding her arms across her chest.

“I almost cried before at the thought of you dumping me and made an ass of myself, let me be possessive and have this moment,” he insisted pleadingly. Lila bit her lip to keep from laughing. He looked so desperate and cute, she decided to let him claim her; or rather, her body parts.

“Fine, nobody gets to see the goods but you,” she giggled. 

“Promise?” he grinned. 

“Later, if you behave,” she teased as she opened the door and they stepped out of the bathroom.

 

The party was as parties were. Loud, crowded and not either of their type of thing but since it was senior year and it was tradition, they had made an appearance. Of course they had been to parties before, but more friends hanging than a big shindig where everyone showed up. 

Jackson had been telling Lila the truth; he’d much rather go be alone somewhere with her than hang out in this crowd. He watched her across the room as she talked with Missy and all he wanted to do was go stand beside her, hold her hand, touch her in some way. Logan was talking to him about something and he pretended to listen while he watched her laugh. She was so beautiful and seemed to only get more so every day. She’d been over at his place a few days earlier and his mother had been staring at her in a weird way and when Jackson asked what she was staring at, her answer had surprised him.

“My gosh sweetie, Lila is going from pretty to beautiful to stunning the older she gets. How are all the boys not after her?” she’d asked.

Jackson honestly didn’t know. The fact that nobody seemed to notice her was astonishing to him. She really was beautiful, almost exotic. She hated her brown eyes and he thought they were mesmerizing. She thought her brown hair was straight and boring. He thought it looked like dark chocolate and felt like silk over his hands and skin. Her skin was flawless, her body strong and fit from dancing. She hated her glasses and thought they made her look like a nerd and he thought they made her look smart and sexy. She had no idea why sexy nerd was a turn on to him. The very idea that she _was_ one got him hot and bothered. A sexy nerd with a killer dancer body. Yes, the guys at school were complete idiots and he was the luckiest bastard in Riverdale.

“Dude, can you stop staring at her for like a minute and listen?” Logan asked, exasperated. Jackson grinned and looked back at him.

“Sorry,” he said with a shrug.

“Hey, I get it, your girlfriend is hot, but you’ve been dating her for damn near two years, you should be used to her by now,” Logan laughed. Jackson looked at him in surprise.

“You think she’s hot?”

“Well, duh. Everybody does. She started dating you, people started noticing her and realized the nerd was hot. They’re all just waiting for you to screw up with her, get dumped and then she’d have her pick of the idiotic litter,” Logan explained. Jackson stared at him, mouth gaping. “Which, by the way, is also why all the girls hate her. It isn’t because they want you, and granted, a lot do, but it’s because all the guys want her.” He couldn’t have shocked Jackson more if he tried. He looked around the room and found a lot of the guys staring at Lila and a few girls glaring at her and she was blissfully unaware. 

“So, if the tides have turned in regards to her, why is she still getting bullied?” Jackson asked with a sigh.

“Well, that’s because some people are still just straight up assholes,” Logan stated.

“Do you want her?” Jackson asked with a wince. Logan laughed as he sipped his drink.

“Jackson, you’ve been in love with that girl since you were 14, I don’t care how hot she is or gets, I would never go anywhere near her, even if you broke up. I think, no matter what happens in the future, that girl there will always have your heart and I would never do you like that. So, while I think she’s hot, no, I don’t want her.” 

“Good to know,” Jackson said, handing his drink to Logan. “I’ll see you later,” he smiled, heading across the room to the beauty who had suddenly, unbeknownst to her, become the _it_ girl.

“Hey you,” he murmured in her ear, his arms coming around her waist, pulling her back against him. She turned her head and grinned at him, leaning into the kiss he gave her.

“Ugh, you two are gross,” Missy sighed as she rolled her eyes and walked away. Lila smiled and turned, grabbing Jackson’s hand.

“Come with me,” she breathed, tugging him through the room and out the sliding doors into the back yard. He had no idea where she was going as she weaved them in and out of people. He suddenly found himself next to the garden shed as she pulled him around the back of it and then, in the small space between the back of the shed and the fence, he found himself blissfully alone with his girlfriend. Jackson grinned and pressed her against the wall, taking her mouth in a heated kiss. Lila’s arms went around his neck and she pressed close, eagerly returning his kiss and he groaned into her mouth.

Her hands found their way under his sweater and smoothed over his skin and he shuddered against her. God, he loved it when she touched him. When she raked her nails over his stomach. His fingers found their way to the zipper of her onesie and he slowly pulled it down to her waist, letting his hands slide inside, stroking up her sides.

“You know,” he murmured, his mouth leaving hers and travelling down her neck. “I heard something interesting tonight.” She whimpered when he sucked at her pulse before lifted her higher so she could wrap her legs around his waist. She pressed her back against the wall and braced herself, her hands coming up to cup his face as she smiled at him. 

“What’s that?” she asked breathlessly. Jackson smiled and kissed her mouth again.

“Well, apparently,” he started, leaving small kisses along her jaw. “All the guys think you’re hot,” he continued, his tongue licking against her earlobe. “And they all want to date you,” he finished. Lila went still and he lifted his head finding her staring at him in surprise.

“Excuse me?” she laughed. 

“It seems my well-kept secret that I have the hottest girl at Riverdale High is not a secret at all,” he said with an exaggerated sigh. Lila was biting back a smile and he couldn’t help but grin. “Why are you so cute?” he asked.

“Why are you so cute?” she giggled. “You’re being all vulnerable and sweet and worrying about people stealing your girl or your girl leaving you.”

“There’s suddenly a lot of competition,” he grimaced. Lila tightened her legs, pulling him tight against her and he let out a breath of air as she moved sensually against him, knowing what got him excited. 

“No, Jax, there really isn’t any competition at all,” she said softly, her fingers sliding into his hair. “I’m so in love with you, other guys may as well not even exist.”

“Promise?” he whispered against her mouth as he leaned in to kiss her again, her words causing his heart to squeeze with happiness. 

“I promise,” she whispered back. “You do realize that if anyone should be worried, it’s me, Mr. Popular. What if you get tired of little miss nerd?” she giggled, moving against him again while she bit her lip. Jackson groaned, feeling his body respond to her teasing.

“You forget I had the hots for you for two years before you even knew, so I’ve been in this pretty deep for almost 4 years,” he reminded her with a grin.

“Ahhh yes, my secret admirer,” she said as her eyes fluttered closed at the feel of his hands slowly brushing over her breasts. “Are you going to do something about all these hormones you’re waking up right now?” she gasped, when he cupped them and gently squeezed. He smiled against her lips, his hand moving lightly down her front, teasing along her lower abdomen, lowering her zipper a little more and tugging on the waist band of her panties, letting it snap back against her. 

“What do you want me to do?” he teased. “You know, you’ve become a little insatiable since I first touched you,” he chuckled, his fingers slipping slightly into her panties.

“Me?” she laughed, tugged on his hair. “Mr. _If I don’t touch you now I’m going to lose my mind_!” Lila reminded him.

“I like touching you,” Jackson groaned as she rubbed herself against him. She pulled him closer and kissed him, her tongue sliding into his mouth and he lost himself in her taste, the softness of her skin, her core sliding against him. 

“Hey, Jax, you out here? You have a problem,” Logan suddenly called from somewhere around the shed.

“Shit,” he muttered, stilling against her and willing his body to calm down. He stepped back and helped Lila zip up and straighten up and she giggled when he adjusted his pants with a roll of his eyes. “He’s got the worst fucking timing,” he grumbled. They took a moment to calm themselves and then walked around the shed and toward the house, hand in hand. Logan spotted them and rolled his eyes, realizing what he’d been interrupting. 

“You know,” he said with a smirk. “If you two would just fuck already, you wouldn’t need to paw each other at every opportunity.” Lila flushed and Jackson glared.

“Don’t be an asshole,” he snapped. “What kind of problem do I have?” 

“Your sister is here and she got a little too much punch in her if you know what I mean,” Logan laughed. 

“What?” Jackson asked furiously. “How the fuck did she get here? She’s literally grounded right now for sneaking out.”

“I don’t know man, someone said she showed up with a car full of people,” Logan said with a shrug. “I just noticed her because she’s getting in Katie’s face right now.” Jackson stormed into the house and it didn’t take long to find his sister, clearly drunk, getting into it with Katie. He walked over and grabbed her by the arm, pulling her back from the other girl.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he snapped angrily. Annie looked at him in surprise before she grinned and gave him a stumbling hug.

“Hey, Jax! I found you! This is a super awesome party,” she slurred before bursting into giggles. 

“Jesus Christ,” Jackson fumed as she stumbled back and turned to Katie again. 

“I was just telling Katie here how much you love Lila; beautiful sweet Lila and how she should stop being so rude to her because we all know she’s just jealous,” Annie yelled loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Shut up, Annie,” Jackson snapped before he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder and headed for the front door. 

“Hey, put me down!” she yelled, banging her fists on his back. He looked around and saw Lila following him and he headed for his SUV where he opened the passenger door and deposited his sister in the seat. She frowned at him and then grabbed her stomach.

“Oh god,” she groaned, her face turning pale. Jackson quickly pulled her out and she doubled over and proceeded to throw up a little too close to his shoes. He gritted his teeth and helped her back into the vehicle and stood with his arms folded over his chest.

“What the hell are you doing?” he asked angrily. “You just got in shit for sneaking out and you’re doing it again? What’s going on with you?” Jackson felt Lila’s hand on his arm and he turned to her in frustration. 

“Put her in the back seat and I’ll climb in with her and you drive, okay?” she asked. He nodded and soon they were on their way. Annie slumped against the back seat, staring out the window as they drove.

Lila turned and looked at the girl and noticed her eyes shimmering with tears. She took her hand and squeezed, and Annie turned to look at her. Her eye color always startled Lila. A brilliant blue green, a mixture of both her parents, wide and expressive. Her mass of black curls floated around her face and she wondered if the girl knew how beautiful she was. She probably already had boys after her. 

“Are you okay?” Lila asked softly. 

“Fine,” Annie grumbled, pulling her hand away.

“You want to talk about anything?” 

“What are you, my mother?” the girl laughed.

“Annie!” Jackson snapped angrily and Lila met his gaze in the rear view and shook her head. He sighed and concentrated on the road.

“Well, you could talk to me or we can take you home and you can explain to your mom,” Lila said slowly. Annie rolled her eyes and ran a hand through her curls.

“My stomach hurts,” she sighed.

“Well, you’re drunk and you just threw up, so yeah, it’s going to hurt for a bit,” Lila said softly.

“Do you ever drink?” Annie asked.

“I don’t actually. I follow a pretty strict diet for my dancing and alcohol is on my ‘no’ list.” Annie was quiet for a while, picking at her jeans.

“I didn’t know the drink had alcohol in it. I only had two.”

“Well, you’re 14 and tiny, it wouldn’t take much,” Jackson said from the front.

“I’m like a month away from 15,” Annie retorted.

“Oh, big difference,” he huffed.

“Can you shut up?” she snapped.

“Alright, both of you stop it,” Lila sighed. “Annie, why are sneaking out when earlier you got in trouble and grounded for this very thing.”

“Because I’m bored,” the girl huffed. “I’m so freaking bored. Jackson is almost 18 and basically gets to come and go as he pleases already, but of course he’s the perfect child and never does a thing wrong,” she added with an eyeroll.

“Okay, seriously?” Jackson grumbled. “I get in shit for things all the time. You’re just so stuck in your own head you don’t notice anything going on around you.”

“Yeah, well you’re pretty free already and you’re on your last year of school before you and Lila head off to New York or wherever the hell you’re going for college. You know you want to be a teacher. Jesse wants to be a sports something or other and works hard at it. Aly wants to be a dancer and it consumes her life and I have no idea what I want to do. Like no idea whatsoever and I’m tired of trying to figure it out.”

“So, you’re going to solve that problem by sneaking out and getting in trouble?” Lila asked, confused.

“Well, obviously I don’t mean to get caught, but I’m just…..i don’t know,” Annie sighed, staring out the window. “I just feel like I don’t belong anywhere and I’m not good at anything.” Lila saw the tears shimmering in her eyes and she motioned to Jackson to pull over, which he did immediately. She climbed out of the SUV and got him to do the same. 

“I’ll drive,” she said softly. “I think she needs her big brother.” They switched places and once beside his sister, Jackson wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, giving her a tight hug.

“You’re an idiot, you know that?” he sighed, his rebuke softened by the affection in his voice.

“I’m sorry I got you in trouble earlier,” she sniffed into his shirt. “It was an easy way to get some of the heat off of me and I shouldn’t have done it. I’ll give your 20 dollars back.” 

“Keep it,” he chuckled, easing her back so he could look at her. “Come on sis, you’re really that bored at _almost 15_ that you’re sneaking out constantly? Where do you go if you aren’t crashing parties?”

“I mostly just run down the road to Sarah’s house and we sit in her old treehouse and talk about boys and eat junk food,” she shrugged.

“Oh wow, don’t go too crazy there,” he teased and she smacked him on the arm. “How did you end up at this party? It isn’t anywhere near Sarah’s house.”

“Her sister is here and when she was leaving she offered to drop me off at home so I could sneak back in and I convinced her to bring me to the party,” Annie explained.

“Well, I’m going to have to have a talk with her,” Jackson muttered. 

“God, just leave her alone,” Annie said with an eye roll. “You don’t have to go all _dad_ on her. I promise I won’t do it again and I didn’t know the drink had alcohol, I swear,” she insisted. Jackson nodded and settled back in the seat, Annie against his side. He loved his sister and he would do anything to protect her, even from herself and her idiotic choices. He felt bad that he hadn’t noticed she was struggling but she was usually quiet, staying in her room and not causing a lot of ruckus. Well, until recently that is. 

“You know,” he said softly. “I always thought you were an amazing writer and that you wanted to be a writer. Why did that change? I used to hear you all the time about how you wanted to be just like dad.”

“I got too old to want to be just like my dad,” she scoffed.

“Why is that?” Jackson asked. “Annie, you’re a wonderful writer. You have dad’s gift and you used to love it so much until you decided to try to be all grown up before you’re ready. When’s the last time you wrote something that didn’t have to do with school work?”

“I don’t know, maybe a year ago.”

“Well, I think you should try again. You said you can’t find anything you’re good at. Well, I say take the thing you used to be good at and see if you still are.”

“I guess I could try,” she said softly. “I did really love it once.”

“I think when you really love something, it always stays with you,” he said with a smile. He looked up and caught Lila’s gaze in the mirror and her smile made his heart race. 

“Will you help me sneak back in?” she asked quietly.

“Yes, if mom and dad haven’t noticed you’re gone yet. But this is the last time,” he insisted. Annie nodded happily and gave him a hug.

“I’m sorry, Jax,” she said quietly and he responded with a kiss on the forehead.

 

A long while later, parked next to the river, Jackson and Lila did their best to fog up the windows of his SUV. She had climbed into the back seat as soon as he parked and pulled him with her, giggling when his long limbs got caught up in the steering wheel and seat. When she had him where she wanted him, Lila straddled his lap and grasped his face, kissing him eagerly, his groan getting lost in the tangle of tongues.

“How long can you stay out tonight,” he murmured when she pulled back for breath and his mouth moved down her neck.

“Since it’s an annual senior party, I can stay out till 1:00,” she said happily. “You?” 

“Same,” he groaned, his forehead falling to her shoulder when she rolled her hips against him.

“Do you think Logan’s right?” she asked as she bit her lip and slowly lowered the zipper of her outfit, watching him swallow as his eyes followed the path it took, devouring the skin she revealed until it was open to her where he could see the lace of her panties. 

“About what?” he asked, his voice sounding a little strangled as she slowly pulled the top down her arms to pool at her waist, his eyes focused on the tiny lacy bra she wore. God, she was perfect. 

“About fucking so we stop pawing at each other,” she said with a smirk.

“You’re seriously trying to kill me,” he groaned, his head falling back on the seat, his breath coming out in a rush. She smiled and pulled her glasses off, reaching back to lay them on the front seat before resting her hands on his cheeks. “I love you,” he said softly, his eyes roaming over her face, taking in every detail for his dreams later that night. 

“And when you really love something, it always stays with you, right?” she asked softly.

“I hope so,” he whispered, not even daring to think of her not being with him.

“Are we too young to think like that?” she wondered, her fingers playing along the edge of her bra strap. He watched, mesmerized as she slipped it off her shoulder. He shook his head, his throat suddenly dry. He remembered when they had started exploring each other, how shy they had been, how unsure and now, even after many months of practice and exploration, she still took his breath away.

Slipping her bra off, she leaned in as his hands came up to cup her, groaning into her kiss as she filled his hands. An hour; he had a full hour to kiss her and touch her and tell her how much he loved her before he had to bring her home.

 

A week later, Jackson was leaning against wall in the studio, watching Lila dance. The place had emptied out and she was the last one there, with locking up duties for the evening. He had brought his sister home from her class and had come back to watch his beautiful girlfriend as she rehearsed for a coming competition. After a while, she stop twirling around the floor and bent over to catch her breath. 

“You make that look so easy,” he laughed, his eyes travelling down her long legs and back up to where her short skirt ended mid thigh. He loved those dance outfits the best, where the skirt floated around her in a cloud.

“It is easy,” she grinned. “Take off your shoes and socks and come over here.” He raised his eyebrows in surprise and she rested her hands on her hips and waited with a smile on her face. 

“Be gentle with me,” he joked as he kicked off his shoes and pulled his socks off, tossing them all to the side. He dropped his jacket and flannel shirt too, walking over to her in his jeans and a tank top. She took his hands and turned him to face the mirrors. 

“Okay, what kind of move would you like to learn?” she asked.

“I have no idea,” Jackson laughed. “Something where you’re as close to me as possible?” he suggested with a wink.

“Okay, so you’re thinking sexy moves,” she nodded. “Okay, relax your stance and get ready to catch me.”

“Ummm what?” he asked quickly, instantly panicking. She giggled and stood a little to the side, her back to him. 

“Just catch me with your arm when I drop back,” she instructed.

“Alright, I can do that.” She slowly let herself fall back and he caught her with his arm and she grinned at him. 

“Okay, let me fall a little lower this time, so you’ll have to step in and bend over to catch me.” 

“Alright,” he laughed. They did it a few times and after a while he was catching her a foot off the ground, leaning over her and grinning while she giggled. 

“Okay, let me do a few moves and I’ll dance over to you and we’ll do the move, but you have to be careful and really watch because if you drop me, I’ll kick your ass,” she warned him.

“Yes ma’am,” he laughed. She danced and flew around the floor and he almost got distracted by her legs but got himself ready just in time as she twirled in front of him and with her arms in the air, suddenly floated down in front of him and he stepped in and caught her, her arms coming around his neck as he straightened up. “Wow,” he whispered, suddenly feeling a little breathless. Lila smiled and kissed him and he pulled her up against him, deepening the kiss for long moments before she pulled away.

“How about learning a couple more moves?” she asked, trying to catch her breath. He nodded and they spent another hour putting together a sexy little dance and Jackson had to admit, he was having fun. Their little routine ended with his arm around her waist and her leg coming up and wrapping around his hip, and he was very aware of her heat pressed against his front. He grasped her thigh and held her in place as he bent her back and kissed the breath right out of her. She pulled away with a smirk and twirled away from him. He grinned after her and realized he had worked up quite the sweat, although he wondered if it was the actual dancing or his obvious arousal.

“Shit, this dancing is not easy,” he breathed as he bent over and tried to catch his breath. Lila burst out laughing and threw him a water bottle. 

“I basically just have you catching and dipping and throwing me around. I’m the one dancing around the room.”

“Yes, and you look sexy as hell doing it too,” he said before taking a long drink of water. “And excuse me, but you may not weigh much, but after an hour of lifting and dipping and throwing, you’re starting to feel like you weight as much as a fucking boulder,” he complained. “My muscles are dying. Clearly all my working out means shit.”

“You’re doing a hell of a lot better than most would,” she assured him. “You’re very strong Jackson and I can’t believe you lasted an hour, so yes, your working out definitely helps. You’re just sore because you’re using your muscles in a different way.”

“I guess,” he agreed, taking another long drink. “Now I need a shower.”

“Alright, let’s go,” she laughed, grabbing her stuff and walking to the change rooms. He looked at her in surprise. “You coming?” she asked with a wink as she disappeared through the doors. She didn’t have to ask him twice. He followed her in and she headed to the back where the showers were and he walked over to the chairs and dropped his aching body into one to wait until she was done. 

Lila reached behind the curtain of the shower and turned the water on before looking at him, biting her lip and feeling her heart pound a little. Truth was, dancing with him had been very arousing and now all she could think about was getting wet with him and took a moment to work up the courage.

“Babe,” she said softly and Jackson turned to look at her. “You coming?” His eyes widened and he stood and walked over to her. “You said you needed a shower,” she said as she tugged his tank top from his jeans and slowly pulled it up. He pulled it over his head and dropped it on the floor. “I thought maybe we….we could just shower together,” she suggested, wishing her voice didn’t sound so shaky.

“Are you sure?” he asked as he swallowed. “I mean, I’m assuming we’re going to be naked and we’ve….well we’ve stayed away from getting naked for obvious reasons,” he reminded her.

“I know,” she said with a nervous smile. “I really want to.”

“What if we get…I mean, there’s a really good chance I’m going to want to touch you and kiss you and….we’ll see each other completely naked Lila. All the way naked. No dimly lit room, no hiding under covers while we feel each other up, like full on naked.”

“Yes, I know,” she laughed. “I’m ready if you’re ready.” She grinned when his hands immediately went to his jeans and unbuttoned them, pulling the zipper and shoving them down so he stood in only his boxers. He was already way ahead of her and she turned her back to him and pulled her hair over her shoulder to the front and smiled back at him. “Can you get that?” she asked softly. 

Jackson lifted his hands and saw they shook a little as he pulled the zipper of her dance outfit down. He gently pulled the straps down her arms and she wiggled a little and it dropped to the floor as he slowly brushed his hands up her arms to her shoulders and she turned, giving him a smile. He tried to keep his eyes on her face and she let out a giggle when he snuck a peek.

“You’ve seen them before, and your mouth is constantly on them,” she reminded him. Jackson actually blushed and she grinned. “You’re so cute,” she sighed. “I know this is a little different than being huddled under blankets while we feel each other up and sneak our hands into each other’s pants, but you’ve seen me topless many times and I’ve…”

“Seen me topless too?” he laughed. 

“Okay, so this will be our first time seeing the bottom half on full and complete display and not just hands in underwear. You ready?” she giggled.

“Yes and no,” he groaned. 

“Okay, I’ll get in the shower, take off my panties behind the curtains and you can take your boxers off and quickly join me. The showers not that big,” she explained.

“I don’t see what the size of the shower has to do with anything,” Jackson laughed. “We’ll still be naked.”

“Alright fine, go back and sit in the chair and I’ll quickly shower,” she said with a smirk as she stepped behind the curtain. A few seconds later, her hand appeared with lace panties dangling from her finger and she twirled them and tossed them aside.

“Fucking hell,” Jackson muttered, already tenting his boxers. He quickly pushed them down and kicked them aside and stepped around the curtain before he lost his nerve and found himself face to face with a very wet Lila. She was blushing and he let out a shaky breath. She was right, it wasn’t a very big shower and at most, they could get a foot of space between them. Lila decided to just throw caution to the wind and stepped closer, her hands sliding up his chest and wound her arms around his neck, pulling herself fulling against him.

“Holy Christ,” he gasped, his hands grasping her hips. The feel of her naked body pressed against his was better than he’d ever imagined. He felt her tremble and her eyes were wide with surprise and wonder.

“Oh,” she breathed. “That feels….you feel….i think this might have been a bad idea,” she whimpered when she felt his arousal against her stomach. They stood for a moment, pressed together and staring at each other. She slowly ran her hands down his arms, saw the deep blue of his eyes get darker and then let her eyes wander over his water slicked skin and she took a step back to really look at him for the first time. He had an amazing body. She already knew that, but wow, did he have an amazing body. She finally let her eyes settle on his arousal and she kind of forgot to breathe.

Lila had had her hand wrapped around it many times already in the past year, but she had never really looked at it as they had always somehow managed to stay clothed from the waist down, but he took her breath right from her lungs. She hadn’t expected it to be so big and….hard. The tip looked like smooth velvet and she suddenly itched to touch it again.

“You’re killing me, Lila,” he groaned when she continued to stare at it. She lifted her hand and touched her fingers to it and he groaned, his forehead dropping to hers. 

“It’s so big,’ she whispered, wrapping her hand around him. She lifted her head and looked at him and then his mouth was on hers, hungry and eager. His hands smoothed down her back, sliding over her hips, groaning against at the feel of her silky smooth skin. His tongue slid into her mouth and she once again wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself against him, wanting to feel him against her.

“God, you feel good,” he gasped when he pulled his mouth away, his lips travelling down her neck. It was slippery and he had to brace and balance as he pulled her up a little higher, his mouth moving across her breasts, licking and biting and her hands fisted in his hair, her moans filling the small shower. When he licked over her nipple she started to tremble again and moved restlessly against him, the slide of their wet skin over each other almost more than she could handle. He took her in his mouth, sucking gently and she let out a sob of pleasure. It didn’t matter how often he’d done it already, it always made her heart race, her body ache, her arousal kick into high gear.

“I ache, Jax,” she moaned, moving her hand to him again, stroking him and biting his neck when he bucked against her hand. When his hands moved to her backside, grasping and squeezing, pulling her roughly against him, the ache between her legs almost buckled her knees.

“You’re so incredible,” Jackson murmured against her mouth. “You feel incredible. Your legs drive me fucking crazy. These…” he added, his hands lifting to cup her breasts. “These drive me crazy. Your mouth drives me crazy. I just want to touch and taste your everywhere,” he groaned. She whimpered and pulled him in for another kiss, and it was wet and thorough, tongue’s tangling, breath gasping, teeth biting. The water fell around them, the steam filling the shower and he moved against her, his arousal sliding against her stomach and she wanted more than anything for it to move between her legs. 

“Jax,” she moaned, rubbing against him. “I want….”

“What babe, tell me,” he gasped against her neck as his mouth moved down.

“You, I want you,” she pleaded without a second thought. 

Jackson went still, his own hormones going a mile a minute and he wanted nothing more than to take her right then and there, but her wanting the same made his heart squeeze. He eased back, his breath ragged and he looked at her, saw the desperate need in her eyes, the flush on her body, the way her hands squeezed his arms to hold herself steady.

“Lila?”

“I don’t care anymore Jax,” she whimpered. “I want you.”

“Babe,” he whispered, his hands coming up to frame her face, his forehead resting on hers. “I want you too,” he admitted with a shaky voice. “So fucking much, but we wanted to wait, remember?” he reminded her gently.

“I know,” she sighed. “I just….I ache Jax. I ache all the time. When you touch me, when you kiss me, even when you look at me, I just ache from wanting you. I can’t stand it sometimes and all I want to do is get naked and let you do whatever you want, whatever _I_ want. I want to feel you. I want to know what you feel like inside me,” she whimpered. 

“Fuck,” he whispered, her words making his body twitch, his arousal get harder.

“Do you…do you want me?” she asked shyly.

“God, yes. I want you all the damn time. It’s basically all I think about some days.”

“Then let’s just….i want to do it…” she whispered, her hand moving over his chest, her mouth dipping down to press kisses along the same line, licking the water running over his skin.

“Babe,” he breathed, cupping her face again and lifting it so he could look at her. “I know it would be easy to just give in and move forward but do you really want our first time to be in a small shower that we can barely keep our balance in? We’d probably break our fucking necks,” he sighed. Lila let out a giggle and leaned her cheek into his hand. She bit her lip and smiled at him.

“I guess you’re right,” she admitted with a regretful frown. “I mean, it being our first time will probably require more room to maneuver.” 

“Yes,” he laughed. “And I would want to touch and taste every inch of you. I’d want to take my time and enjoy you and make you feel so good. A soft bed, maybe some candles.”

“That sounds really romantic,” she smiled. “And also, not helping at all with how much I ache for you.”

“Well,” Jackson said softly, his hands moving down her body. “We don’t need to have sex for me to make the ache go away,” he reminded her. “Would you like me to make the ache go away, Lila?” he whispered against her ear. She nodded and gasped when his hand came around her front, brushing against her. He stepped back a little and looked down, watching his hand dip between her legs. It was the most he’d ever seen of her and while he couldn’t exactly see her from this position, watching his hand move between her legs made him about lose his mind.

He stepped forward again, moving her back against the tile and she hissed out a breath at the cold on her back and then moaned, her head falling back as his fingers slid into her folds. She knew she was embarrassingly wet and he groaned when he felt her heat. Lila was so aroused already, she knew it wouldn’t take long and she pressed forward into his hand, letting out a soft cry when he began to circle her clit. He’d gotten so good at that, knowing exactly how much pressure to apply, how she liked it. 

Jackson dipped his head and kissed her slowly, letting his fingers move down and he slid one inside her and she bucked against his hand, gasping into his mouth. She remembered the first time he’d done that and she had come instantly and had been quite embarrassed. He’d been smug as fuck at having made her fall apart in minutes but now she knew how to control her body, how to let it build. 

But he didn’t play fair.

Adding another finger and stroking her clit with his thumb as he slid in and out, she felt herself start to tighten and she moaned around his tongue, her fingers digging into his upper arms, trying to keep her legs from giving out. 

“Jax,” she whimpered, moving with his hand and she felt his grin against her cheek as he pressed inside her, his thumb moving faster. 

“Come,” he murmured against her skin and she fell apart, her cry of pleasure echoing around the change room as she tightened on his fingers. He groaned as he worked her through it, loving how he could make her lose her head in so little time. He smiled and pulled his hand away when she calmed and pulled her close, giving her a soft kiss.

“Feel better?” he teased and she laughed and nodded, a blush covering her face.

“Jackson?”

“Yeah?” His voice was so soft and gentle, she had to calm herself before she wanted him even more.

“Can I put my mouth on you?” she whispered. Jackson froze and stepped back in surprise.

“What?” he choked out. He bit back his groan when her hand wrapped around him and she looked down, biting her lip. Looking back up, she gave him a shy smile.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I’d really like to give you a….” she couldn’t quite finish her thought, her face beet red.

“You don’t have to do that, Lila. Honestly, your hand is amazing, I would never expect you to…” he stumbled out. She shook her head and pressed a hand to his mouth.

“I want to,” she whispered. “Please let me.” He couldn’t seem to form words and his throat felt like it was closing up on him, making it difficult to swallow but he did manage a nod, wondering if he had possibly slipped without his knowledge and somehow managed to knock himself out and this was a very exciting dream. 

She kissed him for a few moments, her hands moving down his torso and he could feel himself shake a little and then she nudged him against the tile and somehow managed to sink to her knees in front of him in the small space. He was too shocked to even look, leaning his head back against the wall and taking deep breaths. He could feel her hand moving over him for a few moments and then he felt her tongue slide along his length and he decided he might have actually died. This couldn’t be real. He slowly let his head come forward and he looked down at her just as she was sliding her tongue over the tip. 

“Shit,” he groaned, his hand sliding into her hair on its own accord. He hand never felt anything so good in his entire life and when her mouth closed around him, he instinctively bucked forward and she coughed in surprise and he grimaced and quickly pulled back. “Fuck, sorry babe,” he said, embarrassed. She just smiled up at him and took him in again. 

She moved her head tentatively, unsure if she was doing it right, but if his groans were any indication, she certainly wasn’t doing it wrong. It felt strange and amazing all at the same time, doing something so intimate to him and it made her feel powerful, his body shaking as she pulled at him.

“Lila…..babe…..” he groaned, his hand clenching her hair. “Shit…I’m….” he quickly pulled out, wrapping his hand around himself as he pulled her up and then he was coming against her stomach and she rested her forehead against his chest, her hand wrapping around his as he stroked himself through it. “That was amazing,” he said, his voice shaking. “You’re amazing.” Lila smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her cheek against his skin and they took a few minutes to calm down.

“Does the water never get cold in these showers?” he suddenly asked.

“No because sometimes we have 10 people showering in a row so I’m assuming it’s a really big tank,” she said with a smile. 

“Well, we should come here more often,” he suggested. She looked up at him and he winked and she grew warm all over again.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you too.”

They finally got around to taking their shower and laughed and giggled around soaping each other up and sharing more heated kisses. As they got dressed, Jackson nudged her chin up and smiled at her.

“You’re good?” he asked. “With still waiting?” 

“Yeah,” Lila said softly. “You make me lose my head a little and I’m glad you managed to have sense enough for both of us.” 

“Well, had we been in a bed, I can’t promise I would have said _no_ ,” he laughed.

“Good to know,” she teased.

“If it happens before we’re done school, it will be because the moment is right and we have no hesitation. How does that sound?” he asked.

“Sounds perfect,” Lila breathed, pulling him close for another kiss.

“Alright dancing queen,” he laughed. “Let’s get you home.”

“Well, I am young and sweet and only seventeen,” she said smartly. Jackson laughed again and picked her up and threw her over his shoulder as he headed through the studio and she shrieked with laughter. 

“Put me down you big lug,” she yelled, even as she slapped his ass and then soothed it with a gentle caress. He returned the favor and grinned at her breathless giggle. He wondered how long he could hold out before he gave in to her naughty temptations. 

He could wait until graduation.

Probably.


	7. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lila and Jackson have some choices to make....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man, making words sound good is very difficult these days. This feels like a mess to me but here it is. Hope you like it.

Lila paced the hall outside the auditorium, shaking her hands nervously. She had been working so hard for this and it was all she’d ever wanted. 

Her Juilliard audition. She had made it through all the pre-requisites and had been invited to audition and she had worked tirelessly to perfect her piece. She wanted it so bad she could almost taste it.

“Babe…”

Lila turned and smiled at Jackson. He had come with her to New York to support her, no matter what and she loved him for it. He was her biggest cheerleader and support and she couldn’t have gotten through all her extra training without him beside her every step of the way.

“Come here,” he said softly. She walked over and he pulled her down on his lap and gave her a comforting hug. “You’re going to do great, alright? Worst case scenario, you don’t make it this time, so you come back.”

“This is Juilliard, Jax,” Lila sighed. “You only get two auditions as an undergrad. If you fail both of them, you can’t ever audition again.”

“You’ve been practicing for this your entire life, you’ll do great,” he reassured her and she wished she was as confident in her abilities as he was. “Stop it,” Jackson said gently. “You’re overthinking again.”

“Lila Jordan.”

Her name was called and immediately her nerves set in and she shook out her hands and took a deep breath. Her mother got up from the chair she had been waiting in and headed over to her, giving her a tight hug.

“Knock ‘em dead sweetheart,” she said with a happy smile. Lila knew she was as nervous as she was and she tried to reassure her with a smile of her own. Jackson gave her a soft kiss and she headed into the audition room. No family and friends were allowed to watch and as the door closed behind her and she took in the auditorium, she dug deep and found her nerves of steel and headed for the stage.

 

The day was long and tiring and as late afternoon rolled around, Jackson could see that Lila was wearing down. He knew her nerves were getting the best of her but she had made it past the ballet, modern and solo rounds and when she was called back for the coaching session, she let out a happy sigh but she was nervous. This was the second last round to make it past and if she got called back, it was all about the interview. Another dancer who was on her second time auditioning had told her that getting to the interview was almost a guarantee in getting accepted and that was the round that was hard for some students to advance to. 

After Lila was finished with the coaching session, which she thought she did pretty well in picking up the choreography, they waited around for the list of call backs to go out. An hour later her phone notified her of an email and she opened it up, scanning the list that had been sent. Her face fell and Jackson felt his heart squeeze as her eyes filled with tears and she sank down on the bench.

“Oh sweetie,” her mother breathed and he sat down beside Lila and wrapped his arm around her.

“I’m sorry, hon,” he whispered, pulling her tight against him. He took the phone from her hand and scanned the list as well, twice, and her name wasn’t on it. In fact, there weren’t many names on it at all and he was glad she at least wasn’t in a minority. “We’ll get ready for the next audition,” he suggested, stroking her back. Lila pulled back and wiped her face.

“I really thought I had this,” she sniffed. “The next auditions are in the fall.”

“Miss Jordan?” 

Lila turned and looked at the woman who had walked up to them and slowly stood.

“Yes?”

“My name is Laura Flynn and I run a dance school out in California. I’ve been watching you dance all day and I would just like to tell you that you’re quite impressive,” the woman said with a smile.

“Not impressive enough, I guess,” Lila said with a shrug.

“No, really, you were wonderful. Most of your lines were clean, some weren’t quite tight enough but that’s an easy fix. There were a lot of good dancers here today and if I was going to guess as to why you didn’t make it through; you let your nerves get the best of you and we could easily see it,” the woman explained. “Usually there would be some leeway, but we could see from your very first dance and I believe because you were such a strong dancer and because you kept making it through it was thought that you would sort yourself out but the coaching session didn’t go in your favor.”

“I agree,” Lila said quietly. “I just couldn’t get it together today and I don’t know why.”

“How much competition have you done?”

“Not a lot. I did a couple of competitions a year but I mostly just trained.”

“That might be why. You haven’t had time to develop getting up in front of someone judging your ability and you fall apart rather quickly,” Laura explained.

“So are you saying it will happen again if I audition in fall?” Lila asked. She leaned back against Jackson who had taken his position behind her, offering support and he rubbed his hand down her back.

“Actually, I’d like to make you an offer,” the woman smiled. 

“What kind of offer?” Lila asked in confusion. 

“I’d like you to come study at my school in California for a year and I’ll get you ready for you audition next year. We’re the best school in the state and we have some pretty amazing graduates and a few that have been excepted here as well. I would feel honored to have you.”

“Oh, gosh,” Lila breathed, completely shocked at the offer. “I…I mean, I planned on coming to New York after graduation and….”

“I know you probably have everything planned out and all your just in case plans, but I really want you to think about it,” the woman said with a welcoming smile. She reached into her bag and pulled out a card. “Here is my email and please, take some time to think about it and let me know?” Lila could only nod as the woman walked away.

“Wow,” Jackson said with a smile. He looked at Lila who was just staring at the card looking completely lost. “What are you going to do?” he asked softly.

“I need a shower,” was all she said as she gathered her things.

 

Back at the hotel, Lila and her mother went to their room and Jackson went to his. He was across the hall and she wished that she could just go curl up with him and forget the day ever happened. After taking a long hot shower she pulled on some pajama pants and a t-shirt and went to talk to her mother.

“Mom, I want to spend the night in Jackson’s room,” she said slowly, clasping her hands in front of her. Her mother looked at her and let out a laugh.

“What?”

“Look, despite the fact that you forced me to go on the pill the minute I started dating him and even though you don’t believe me, Jackson and I aren’t sexually active. I mean, we do….stuff….but we haven’t had sex and we aren’t planning to until we’re finished school,” Lila explained, her face red and her mother let out a sigh. “Today really sucked and I’m sad and disappointed and I just really want to be with him right now and I need you to just let me go across the hall.”

“You really think that’s wise if you’re really waiting? Spending the night together? You sure you won’t….”

“You know what? If we do, we do,” Lila argued. “You already think we are anyway and I’m a couple months shy of 18 and he’s already there and really, what difference would it make at this point?”

“Well for goodness sake, Lila,” her mother said in exasperation. “I’m not going to roll out a cot for you.” Lila said nothing and went and grabbed a brush to pull through her hair. She came out and sat on the bed, not saying anything as she slowly combed her hair. “I’m really proud of you sweetie,” her mom said softly. “I know today didn’t go as planned, but you’re amazing and I’m so proud to be your mom.” Lila nodded and she felt the emotion she’d been holding back start to sting her eyes. 

“Thanks mom,” she said tearfully. 

“Go ahead and go see him. I know you’re old enough to make up your own mind but it does make me feel better that you aren’t…..there….yet….” her mom finished with a grimace. 

“It’s fine,” Lila said with a shrug. “I can stay here.”

“No, go see your boyfriend. I know his comfort will probably do more than mine right now.” Lila got up and hugged her and headed across the hall, knocking on Jackson’s door. He pulled it open and looked at her in surprise. 

“Hey,” he said softly and she promptly burst into tears. “Aww babe, come here,” he sighed, pulling her into the room and into his arms. He somehow managed to get the door closed and locked as he held her close and she cried all over his t-shirt. He didn’t say anything, not sure of what he could say that would make her feel better and when she was finally finished, she stepped back and gave him a wobbly smile.

“Sorry, I got your t-shirt all wet,” she sniffed. He shrugged and pulled it off and she let out a sigh. “Well, I feel better now,” Lila murmured, placing her hand on his chest. He smirked and cupped her face, giving her a soft kiss. 

“How long before your mother comes to drag you back to your own room?” he asked with a chuckle.

“She won’t,” Lila smiled. “I told her I wanted to spend the night with you.” Jackson raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“And she agreed?” he laughed.

“Well, I basically told her since she thought we were having sex anyway, I didn’t see what difference it made,” she shrugged. “That of course didn’t help my case but I did inform her that we are not having sex yet and I really needed to be with you tonight and she relented.”

“Wow,” he smiled. “I better behave myself then, in case she has that sense of knowing what happened.”

“Can we order some room service and cuddle in bed?” she asked quietly.

“Absolutely,” Jackson agreed.

 

An hour later, with their unhealthy burgers and fries, that Lila decided she deserved, with ice cream for dessert, they sat back against the head board and ate while Jackson flipped through the TV channels. After a while he gave up and threw the remote down.

“So, you seriously spending the whole night in here?” he asked, popping a fry in his mouth. “With me, in bed?”

“Well, unless you don’t want me to,” she smirked.

“Lying in bed in my arms all night? Hell yes I want you to,” he said emphatically and she let out a giggle. He pulled up a knee and rested his forearm on it as he watched her. “You doing okay?” he asked softly. “I’m really sorry about today, Lila. I know you worked so hard and to not make it to the final round had to have sucked on so many levels.”

“I didn’t feel it all day,” Lila sighed, handing him her half eat burger, which he gladly accepted. The guy was like a garburator. “I knew it as the day went by that I couldn’t pull it together and I guess it unnerved me and the further I went, the more nervous I got.” She got off the bed and put the ice cream in the small freezer in the mini fridge and climbed back in, snuggling under the covers while he put the food garbage away. He quickly joined her and pulled her close.

“Have you thought about what that lady said?” he asked slowly. “It might be a good idea.” Lila shook her head and ran her finger tips along his jaw.

“We had everything planned out Jackson. We’re coming to New York after graduation, we’re going to set up shop. You’re enrolled in the teaching program at NYU and if Juilliard didn’t work out, I was just going to go into the dance program there as well.”

“This place in Cali sounds really legit,” he mentioned, his arm wrapping around her waist and pulling her against him. Lila tried to concentrate on the seriousness of the conversation and not how warm and strong he felt. “So we go to California for a year. If it helps you get into Juilliard, I’d say it’s a good plan.” She looked at him in surprise.

“We? You’d go with me?” Lila asked incredulously.

“Well, of course I’d go with you,” Jackson said with a frown. “I’m not about to let my girlfriend go across the country for an entire year without me.”

“Really?” she whispered. “But Jax, you are so excited about the teaching program at NYU. You don’t need to give that up for me.”

“I’m not,” he smiled, his hand resting on her neck, his thumb stroking her jaw. “I’ll do my first year in Cali, then we’ll be back here.”

“You think I should do it?”

“Well, ultimately, _you’ll_ have to make that decision but if you do decide that you want to take her up on her offer, just know that I support you and I would absolutely go with you.”

“Why are you so sweet?” she asked, pressing closer.

“I love you, that’s the only thing fueling me in my decision,” he smiled.

“Thank you for making this shitty day better,” she sighed, snuggling closer and wrapping her arm around him.

“Anytime, beautiful.” He was leaning in for a kiss when she let out a yawn and he started to laugh. “I think you need some sleep,” Jackson said softly, brushing his nose along hers.

“But I want to make out with my hot boyfriend in his hotel room,” Lila said, sounding rather disgruntled. 

“We can do that anytime,” he assured her and reached past her to turn off the lamp. “You need to sleep.”

“Fine,” she huffed, even as she yawned again. He chuckled and gave her a squeeze and a soft kiss and only a short while later, she was sleeping.

 

A few hours later, Lila awoke snug and warm against Jackson. He was spooning her and his warm breath against her ear made her shiver and his hand had found its way underneath her t-shirt, resting just under her breast. Despite her disappointing results from the day of auditions, the heat inside her began to simmer at the thought of being in bed with him in the middle of the night. It had become harder and harder for them to not give in to their desire to go all the way but so far they had managed, but this, all alone in bed and in their own room….well, maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea because now it was all she could think about.

She turned slowly until she was chest to chest with him and watched him sleep for a moment, noting how handsome he was. He never failed to take her breath away and after two years of dating, she still couldn’t believe that the hottest guy in Riverdale wanted and chose to be with her. Whenever she made mention of that, he would point out that it was just as surprising that the hottest girl in Riverdale wanted him in return. She sometimes laughed at Jackson when he’d get irritated at guys staring at her or attempting to flirt and she reminded him that he was the one who’d let everyone know that she was indeed, apparently, a hot nerd and if he’d kept his mouth shut, nobody would have noticed.

Lila touched her hand to his face, her fingers tracing his eyebrow and down his jaw. She could feel a light stubble growing and bit her lip as an ache spread through her. She snuggled closer, pressing her face against his neck and he smelled damn good, like he always did. Lila decided she wasn’t going to let the opportunity of spending the night with him pass them by and let her hand slide down his front, pressing her lips to his neck, kissing his warm skin. She at least wanted to get in a good make out session. It took a few more kisses and her fingers trailing along the waist band of his pajama pants before Jackson woke. He grabbed her hand before it moved lower and let out a sleepy groan.

“Don’t start something you don’t want to finish,” he said gruffly, his voice tinged with sleep and arousal. Lila smiled against his skin and tugged her hand away, letting it brush against the front of his pants, noting that he was very much coming awake. She moved and stretched out on top of him, resting her aching center against his growing arousal. “Lila…” he sighed, seeming unable to help the way his body pressed against her.

“Hi,” she whispered, pressing a kiss to his lips and his hands stroked down her sides and settled on her backside.

“Hi baby,” he whispered back, lifting his head to kiss her more firmly. Lila rolled her hips, pressing closer when his tongue slid into her mouth, curling around hers and she moaned, eagerly kissing him back. The usual fire that ran through her veins when Jackson had his hands and mouth on her spread through her and she sat up and pulled her t-shirt over her head and Jackson’s breath hitched as he looked at her in the faint light. His hands smoothed up her sides and he gently cupped her breasts, his thumb stroking over her nipple that puckered under his touch. 

He moved suddenly and she found herself on her back with him settling over her, his mouth covering hers in an eager kiss, his tongue sliding across her lips and dipping into her mouth when she opened for him. Her heart was racing and the ache that started low in her belly settled between her legs, making her press against him as his tongue stroked against hers, and she trembled. 

“Jax,” she whimpered, moving restlessly. He knew what she wanted, brushing his fingers lightly over her breasts and she arched wildly into his touch. His mouth left hers and trailed kisses down her neck and he licked and sucked the skin of her collarbone. Lila felt like she couldn’t breathe with the wild pounding of her pulse and the ache intensifying between her legs. She listed her hips, pressing her core against him and he pressed back, lifting slightly and bracing on his hands as he devoured her mouth. His fingers hooked into the waist band of her pajama pants, wanting so badly to pull them down, it hurt. He dug his fingers into her skin and Lila realized she was quickly losing control and she pulled her mouth away and gasped against his neck and then unable to help herself, bit into his skin.

“Fuck,” he muttered as she rolled her body up against him. The feel of her nipples brushing against his chest making him break into a sweat.

“Jackson?” she whimpered, her hands moving over his torso, down into his pajama pants to wrap around him and he groaned loudly into her neck, thrusting into her hand. “God, I can’t think,” she moaned. 

“Do you want to stop?” he asked, his voice hoarse with need.

“Yes…no..…..i don’t know,” she whimpered, feeling like she was about to burst into flame. Jackson pulled her hand away and buried his face in her neck, breathing harshly. 

“Lila, you know how we’ve been having a difficult time lately with our agreement to wait for grad….”

“Yeah…”

“This is not helping,” he groaned.

“I….I want to…” Lila whispered, stumbling over the sentence in her nervousness. Jackson went still and lifted his head to look at her.

“Grad is only two months away,” he said slowly. The fact that he was pressing against her heat made his voice come out gruff and shaky. He didn’t know if he sounded very convincing or even if he wanted to be convincing. Wanting her in every way had become a constant ache for months already and he was about done with the struggle.

“I know,” she breathed. “But I figure, if we just do it now and get it over with then at grad it won’t be awkward or painful or whatever it is that goes along with first times and….” 

“I don’t want this to just be _getting it over with_ ,” he said softly.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she grimaced. “I just….I think about it all the time and the more I think about it, the more I want to and the wait is driving me crazy. And this weekend….well, I wouldn’t mind looking back on it and not thinking that it was the weekend I didn’t make it into Juilliard, but the weekend that I finally got to be with the person I love in every way.” She let out a huff of air and squeezed her eyes shut. “That came out wrong,” she said quickly. “I don’t mean it to sound like I just want to do it so I don’t have to think about not making it into…”

“Hey, hey….stop,” Jackson said gently, his hand touching her face. “I know you don’t have an ulterior motive. I want this as much as you do,” he admitted. “It’s literally all I think about.”

“Do you want to?” she whispered.

“More than anything, but are you sure, Lila?” he asked quietly. “I have no problem waiting.”

“I don’t want to wait anymore,” she insisted. Jackson let out a slow breath and rested his forehead on hers, letting it sink in a little that they were about to go all the way. Then he froze and sighed.

“I don’t have any condoms,” he said, sounding rather disgruntled.

“I’m on the pill, Jax,” Lila reminded him. He lifted his head and furrowed his brow.

“My sister Annie is the result of the pill not working,” he informed her.

“I know; you’ve told me,” she smiled. “And you’re the result of a condom not working.”

“Shit,” he groaned. “I’ll probably inherit my parent’s bad luck.”

“Well, when we checked in I noticed they had condoms in the vending machine in the lobby,” she said slowly. “Condom and the pill. Doubling up should work.” 

“I’ll be right back,” he muttered, scrambling off the bed and grabbing his t-shirt. He was out the door before she could blink and she giggled at his eagerness. The door clicked shut and she let out a shaky breath and jumped off the bed, racing for the bathroom. She freshened up and ran her fingers through her hair, wishing she had thought to bring her bag with her. Walking back to the bed she realized his room key still lay on the table and she put her shirt back on, thinking that answering the door with her boobs on display probably wouldn’t be a good idea. He was knocking to get back in only moments later. Lila opened the door for him and he hurried in, closing the door behind him and holding up the box.

“You were right,” he smirked. He put the box on the bedside table and turned to look at her. “We can still…” He didn’t get to finish his sentence as she grabbed his face and pulled his mouth to hers. She pushed him toward the bed and they fell into it, her hands moving to tug his shirt back over his head and he did the same to hers. Lila adjusted herself on the bed and pulled him down on top of her, her body already humming in anticipation. Jackson let his mouth trail down her neck, pausing to suck lightly at the wild pulse and she shivered in delight.

“No hickies,” she said breathlessly. “We don’t need to be completely obvious.” He moved his mouth down to the swell of her breast and sucked one into her skin there instead, running his hand down over her hip as his mouth moved across her breast, licking at the hard peak before sucking gently on it. Lila moaned and arched into his mouth, lifting her hips and rubbing her core against his arousal. “Please,” she whimpered, desperate to have him touch her. 

“Please what?” he said gruffly, his mouth moving across her chest to lick across her other nipple. 

“Touch me,” she begged, her hand fisting in his hair. 

“Can I turn the lamp on?” he asked quietly and she felt her heart race nervously.

“Oh…okay.” 

Jackson reached over and turned it on, flooding the bed with light. She blinked up at him and he smiled and dipped his head to kiss her, his hands stroking down her side and hooking into her pajama pants. He gave a slight tug and she reached down to help him, shoving them past her hips and he pulled them the rest of the way off and threw them aside, running his hand up her leg. They hadn’t been naked together again since the night in the shower all those months ago and he had dreamt of her long legs wrapped around him almost every night. 

“Take yours off,” she whispered and he hurried to comply. When he settled back over her, they both groaned at the feel of touching skin all over. Bracing on his forearms, he smoothed the hair back from her face, letting out a shaky breath as she pressed herself against him. He could feel her heat through their underwear and let out a groan. Lila reached up and took his hand, guiding it down her body and placed it between her legs. “Please touch me.” 

Jackson let his hand slide inside her panties and watched her eyes flutter shut and her head press into the pillow as his fingers slid into her silky folds. He kissed her again and she opened for him, her tongue moving to find his as he gently explored her core. She shifted impatiently and let out a moan when he pressed his thumb to her clit. He let his fingers slide inside her, smiling against her mouth as she lifted eagerly to him, loving how she always responded. He let his mouth trail down to her chest, licking the skin as he stroked her. He let his other hand smooth over her skin, touching her everywhere and his mouth seemed to have a mind of it’s own as he moved lower and lower and when he pressed kisses across her stomach, Lila grabbed his face and let out a shaking breath.

“Jackson,” she whispered, and he lifted his head and took in her nervous expression. She pulled him up and he pulled his hand away from her and she grabbed it and held it there. He waited and she gave him a wobbly smile. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he replied softly. “Are you okay? Do you want to stop?”

“No,” she said quickly. “Just…were you….are you going to…with your mouth…”

“I was thinking about it,” he said nervously. “I don’t have to…”

“Do you want to? Have you thought about doing that?”

“Yes,” he smiled. “You’ve done it to me a lot and I think it’s only fair.” She raised an eyebrow and he rolled his eyes at himself. “Yes, I want to and I think about it all the time but if you don’t want me to…”

“No, I do,” Lila said, blushing red. “I’m just….shy I guess.”

“You don’t need to be shy,” Jackson said softly. “I just…” Suddenly he was the one blushing and she bit her lip.

“You just what?”

“Well, when I think about us, about you, and I think about having sex, I think about putting my mouth on you and I wonder what it….what it looks like,” he said, feeling like his face was on fire. 

“Oh my god,” she groaned, covering her face with her hands in embarrassment. He pulled her hands away and she let out a breath. “What if you don’t like it?” she asked with a grimace. 

“I’ll like it,” he insisted.

“How do you know?”

“Well, remember a couple weeks ago after we fooled around and I put my fingers in my mouth?” Jackson asked with a smile.

“Oh…” she murmured, her eyes widening as she remembered how he’d gotten her off in the back seat of his SUV and he’d licked his fingers clean. She pulled his face down and kissed him again, wrapping her legs around his waist and pressing against him. She was nervous but she wanted him. She wanted everything and when he started kissing his way down again, she didn’t stop him. When his fingers hooked into the waist band of her panties, she lifted her hips so he could slide them off and then she lay naked in front of him and it was the first time he’d completely seen her, unlike the awkward confines of the shower at the dance studio, there was no hiding anything this time.

“Can I look at you?” he asked in a whisper and she swallowed and nodded, clutching the sheets as he lifted up and knelt between her legs, his hands sliding along her legs. She was shaking, from arousal or shyness, she didn’t know, she only knew that she wanted him to touch her again. Lila let out a little sound as he slid his hands up the inside of her thighs, parting them slowly and she closed her eyes, feeling her entire body blush as he looked down at her. She jerked when she felt his fingers gently touch her. “Wow,” he breathed and she opened her eyes, finding his still focused on her.

“What?” she asked nervously, trying to close her legs. He didn’t let her and she whimpered when his finger circled her throbbing nub. 

“It’s pretty,” he smiled and she started to laugh. She really couldn’t help it, having not at all expected him to say that.

“It is not,” she managed, rolling her eyes. 

“Yes, it is,” he insisted, leaning down and kissing her hip. She sucked in her breath and held it as he moved closer to the place that was furiously aching. His hands smoothed along her thighs and her breathing got heavy as he kissed just above her core. “Tell me what you like, okay?” he whispered.

“Okay,” she whimpered and then let out a long moan as he ran his tongue over her folds. “Oh my god,” she gasped and he did it again. When his tongue flicked her clit she jerked in response, lifting her hips to his mouth. Lila felt like her mind was leaving her body, the pleasure so intense she pressed the back of her hand to her mouth to keep from crying out. Jackson groaned against her and she didn’t have to tell him what she liked because it appeared he knew exactly what he was doing and when he slid his finger inside her, Lila almost came off the bed. “Holy fuck,” she gasped, her hand finding its way into his hair, gripping it and getting a growl of approval from him. When he latched his mouth and sucked a little at her clit, it happened so quickly she hoped to heaven nobody heard the cry of ecstasy that left her mouth as she suddenly orgasmed.

“Holy shit,” he gasped against her as her body gripped his fingers, flooding his tongue with her wet release. Lila felt like she was floating as she slowly came down, her body still shaking and Jackson gently soothing her with his tongue. He pulled his fingers out and when she felt his tongue slide inside her, she moaned and lifted, needing more. He moved his hand, his thumb pressing and circling her clit and she stared to shake. He was making her come again and she held him to her, her shyness evaporating as she let her legs fall wider, lifting to his eager mouth. 

“Please,” she begged, unsure of what more she wanted him to do, just desperate to get there again. He switched again, his fingers sliding inside her and alternating between flicking his tongue against her clit and sucking on it and when he pressed deep and curled his fingers she fell apart again, arching off the bed as she shook with another orgasm. “Oh my god, oh my god,” she gasped and he grunted as she yanked his hair a little too hard. Lila lay shaking, trying to catch her breath as Jackson slowly worked her through it before easing off and kissing the inside of her thigh before moving up until he hovered over her once again. She was blushing and trembling and he smiled.

“You good?” he asked softly. She answered by pulling his head down and kissing him. A little surprised when she tasted herself but it only fueled her desire to have him. 

“Get a condom,” she urged, her hands moving down to tug at his boxers. He helped her and grabbed for the box, fumbling a bit as he opened it and pulled out a foil package. “You know how to put it on, right?”

“Yes, I paid attention in sex ed,” Jackson laughed. “Also, my dad is really fucking embarrassing and described to me how to do it if I ever need to use one.” She giggled and bit her lip as she watched him put it on and immediately wrapping her hand around him when he was done and he groaned, letting her stroke him for a few moments before pulling her hand away and settling between her legs again. He smoothed her hair back from her face and smiled. “Are you sure?” he asked softly. 

“Yes, completely,” Lila breathed, shuddering when he slid against her. He groaned and lowered his forehead to hers, his body trembling and his breath coming in gasps. He shifted a little and then he was probing at her and slid in slightly and they both gasped at the feeling. 

“Fuck,” he whispered. “I have no idea how i’m not going to embarrass myself.”

“It’s okay,” she whispered back. He slid in a little further and paused when she winced, hating that he was hurting her. 

“You okay?” 

“Keep going.”

Jackson felt like he was going to explode as he slid forward, her body wet and tight around him and it was the most incredible thing he’d ever felt in his life. He tried to go slowly, pulling back and sliding in, a little deeper each time. When he pulled out again and slid forward again, she lifted her legs and it was like her body just pulled and he slid in until he was buried to the hilt. Lila let out a little whimper and he went still, letting her adjust and praying that he didn’t come right then and there. He pressed kisses to her mouth until the look of discomfort left her face and she relaxed under him.

“Are you alright?” he whispered and she nodded. If she was going to be honest, she was surprised. She’d been prepared for the pain, trying to relax like she’d heard she should but she couldn’t help but tense up as he’d slid inside. It hurt but she was unprepared at how _full_ she felt. Jackson stayed perfectly still, giving her a minute and everything was throbbing and burning and she wasn’t sure if she liked it or not. It wasn’t completely unpleasant, it was just strange, which she guessed was normal for the first time. He shifted slightly and she let out a surprised moan at the sensation that rushed through her and she instinctively clenched around him. He groaned, his face dropping to her neck. “Fuck, Lila. You’re so tight and wet, I have no idea how long this is going to last.”

“It’s okay, Jax. I already….well, you made me….twice….so…” she stammered out. “You can move,” she whispered. Jackson lifted his head and held her face in his hands as he slowly pulled back and slid forward again. She winced slightly, the uncomfortable feeling still there, but a pleasurable tingle as well and she felt him pause but she didn’t let him stop. 

He could feel himself shaking, the pleasure so intense he knew this was going to be over very quickly. “Fuck you feel good,” he groaned as he pulled back again. Lila lifted her legs and wrapped them around his waist, pulling his head down and kissing him. 

It was still uncomfortable but it felt good too and she couldn’t help but arch against him, wanting to feel more. She could feel him shaking, his skin damp with sweat and she stroked her hands over his back, almost unable to believe that they were doing this, that he was inside her. She had wanted him like this for so long, it was overwhelming that it was finally happening. She blocked any lingering pain and pressed closer, wanting him to feel as good as she felt.

Jackson moved slowly at first, but the feel of her body wrapped tightly around him and her tongue sliding into his mouth was his undoing. He started to move faster, his thrusts going deeper and his rhythm went all to shit when he felt her nails dig into his back and he thrust eagerly into her and then before he could even attempt to hold back, he came in a rush, her name leaving his mouth in a gasp as he shuddered and jerked against her, his orgasm racing through him and his arms went limp as he fell against her in a mess of gasps and shudders. 

Lila lay under him, her arms and legs wrapped around him, and despite the fact that it hurt, that it was over rather quickly and that this time she hadn’t orgasmed with him, she felt sated and a little boneless, probably still from the two mind blowing orgasms he’d given her with his mouth. She was officially no longer a virgin and it had happened with Jackson. She was completely happy. After a while, he finally got his wits about him and shifted so he was braced on his forearms and he looked down at her.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly. 

“Yeah,” she breathed, blushing as he stared at her. He lifted off of her and she winced at the friction it caused and he immediately apologized.

“I’m sorry,” he groaned as he moved to the side. “Did it hurt a lot?” 

“Not a lot, but yeah, it was uncomfortable,” she admitted as he reached for a tissue and cleaned himself up, throwing it and the condom into the trash can before rolling to take her in his arms.

“I’m sorry it went so fast,” he sighed. “Clearly all the fooling around and learning what we like doesn’t exactly prepare the body for actual sex. As soon as we started I was basically done.”

“It’s okay, Jackson,” Lila said with a laugh. “It was our first time. I wasn’t expecting it to be mind blowing.”

“Ouch,” he muttered and she sighed.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she insisted, feeling bad. “I actually think it was amazing, but it hurt and obviously we’re going to need practice.” She ran her hand down his side and shifted closer. “Lots of it.” They were still naked and finished or not, feeling his skin and warmth from head to toe was still arousing and she shivered in excitement. He smiled at that, placing a kiss on her jaw.

“Lots of practice, huh?” he grinned against her skin. 

“Yes,” she giggled when his fingers danced across her hip, tickling her.

“Did it at least feel a little good?” he asked after kissing her for a few moments.

“Yes, I promise. I can only imagine how amazing it will be when it doesn’t hurt at all,” she smiled. “It felt good for you?”

“Damn,” he sighed. “So fucking good. You felt even better than I could have possibly imagined.”

“It felt amazing when you….” Lila couldn’t seem to stop blushing and hid her face in his chest. “When you used your mouth,” she finished in a whisper.

“Yeah, I got that,” he teased, his hand sliding over her backside as she lifted her leg across his thighs.

“That was really amazing,” she whispered. “You certainly knew what you were doing.”

“I did a little research,” he admitted.

“Research?”

“It’s amazing what pops up when you type _muff diving_ into google.”

“Seriously?” Lila asked, smacking his shoulder. “I don’t know if I like you staring at another woman’s….”

“I swear I just wanted to make sure I did it right,” he interrupted with a laugh. “Logan told me that the first time he did that to a girl he had no idea what he was doing and she didn’t like it. I didn’t want that to happen.” Lila started to laugh and hugged him.

“Well, then thank you for the research because that part really was mind blowing.”

“Well, the times you’ve used your mouth on me have been pretty fucking amazing as well.”

“And I’ll have you know that I didn’t need to research how to give a blow job,” she said smugly.

“Well, the first few times were iffy….” He teased and she glared at him. He started laughing and she poked his side, chasing him across the bed as he shifted away. She ended up sprawled on top of him, her tongue in his mouth and he groaned, feeling his body get aroused again. She felt it too and pulled away, breathing heavy and resting her face against his neck.

“I love you,” he said gruffly, hugging her close.

“I love you too.”

“No regrets?”

“None,” Lila said softly. “It couldn’t have been better than this.”

“Well, we almost made it,” he laughed. 

“We should be very proud of ourselves, I think but I can see why everyone jumps into it. Although, I have to say, can you imagine doing this at 16? I think we were right to wait,” he said softly.

“I agree,” Lila said around a yawn and got up and quickly ran to the bathroom to pee and clean up and then was back in bed where he pulled the covers over them. He paused and looked under them.

“Should we get dressed first?”

“No,” she breathed, her eyes fluttering closed as she snuggled as close as possible. “I like feeling you all over me.” He groaned and she laughed as she fell asleep.

 

The following morning, Lila gave him a few lingering kisses before heading back to her room to shower and get dressed for the ride home. Her mother didn’t pay her much attention as she chatted about what Lila could do with her offer to go to California and didn’t seem to notice anything different about either of them, even though Jackson seemed a lot more attentive than usual and Lila was blushing more than usual. She was either blissfully unaware or chose to ignore it. Lila had a feeling it was the latter.

A few hours later they were back in Riverdale and they dropped Jackson off at home. She walked him to the door and he gave her a long lingering hug and she squeezed him tight.

“Thank you for coming with me,” she said softly, her eyes shining up at him.

“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” Jackson said softly, giving her a kiss. When she pulled away he winked at her and she blushed. She paused when she turned to walk back to the car and turned back to him.

“My mom is working the late shift tomorrow,” she said slowly. “You should stay after you drive me home. We’ll have the house all to ourselves for a few hours.” Jackson smiled slowly and she let out a giggle.

“I’ll see you Monday,” he said gruffly and gave him another kiss and ran back to the car.

Jackson let himself into the house and walked into the kitchen to get a snack and found his parents sitting at the table.

“Hey, I’m sorry to hear about Lila. Her mother told me last night that she didn’t make it,” Betty said with a wobbly smile and Jackson frowned, noting that it looked like she’d been crying. He looked at his dad and saw a tired weariness about him that told him whatever the problem was, it wasn’t about Lila. 

“Yeah,” he sighed. “It sucks. I really thought she’d nail it.”

“She doing alright?” Jughead asked.

“Yeah, she’s okay. She got an offer to go to a dance school in California for a year to prepare for her audition next year.”

“Is she going to take it?”

“Not sure yet, but if she does, I’m going to go with her,” he said slowly, watching their reaction.

“As in not going to NYU for the first year?” Betty asked with a frown.

“Yes,” he said simply. 

“Well, I guess it’s up to you,” she said slowly. “I can understand not wanting to be on opposite sides of the country for a year, but just make sure you it’s what you really want.”

“I want to be with her,” Jackson said. “That’s one thing I’m pretty positive about. Is everything alright?” he asked slowly. They didn’t offer an answer right away and he figured it wasn’t his business to keep prying. “I’m gonna head up to bed,” he added. “I didn’t get much sleep last night.” He left the kitchen and was about to head upstairs when his father stopped him.

“Can we go into my office for a minute?” he asked. Jackson followed him and sat on the couch, thinking a lecture was coming.

“Look dad, I know what you’re going to say…”

“No you don’t,” Jughead said quietly. “You’re doing exactly what I would have done, no questions asked. I’d have followed your mother to the moon if it meant being with her.”

“Then why am I in here?”

“Why didn’t you get enough sleep last night?” 

Jackson sighed and let his head fall back on the couch. “Are you serious right now?” he grumbled. His father said nothing and waited. “I was comforting Lila!”

“And I assume you used protection while you were comforting her?” 

“Come on, can we not?”

“I just want to make sure that if you guys are having sex, that you’re being safe,” he said gently. “I’m not worried about whether or not you’re doing it, just making sure you’re safe.”

“Yes, we were safe,” Jackson said quietly, hating himself for blushing.

“Okay,” Jughead said with a sigh, suddenly looking a hundred years old. Jackson frowned as he studied him.

“What’s going on?” he asked. “Don’t say everything’s okay because obviously it’s not. Mom’s been crying and you looked wrecked.”

“Your mom found condoms in Annie’s room the other day. She confronted her and it turns out your sister is sexually active.”

Jackson felt a little like he’d been kicked in the stomach.

“What the fuck? She’s only 15!”

“Well, it’s not exactly unheard of,” his dad sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Sadly, you and Lila’s decision to wait until you were older isn’t exactly the norm when it comes to sex. So yeah, your mom’s a little broken up about it and im not exactly thrilled that my little girl is….god dammit….” He finished in a murmur, his voice breaking a little.

“I’m sorry dad,” Jackson said, feeling as upset as his father felt. He felt like his time with Lila now had a shadow over it. How could his little sister be having sex before he was?

“It’s hard with Annie,” Jughead said wearily. “She’s been pushing me away since she was twelve and always seems to be in a spin and I don’t know how to get her to stand still for a moment.”

“Where is she?”

“In her room, I guess. She hasn’t really come out much over the last couple of days. I think she’s angry and embarrassed.”

“I’ll go say hi,” Jackson said, getting off the couch. “I’m sorry you guys have to worry so much about us.”

“Well, that’s parenting,” his father said with a quiet, sad laugh. Jackson nodded and headed up the stairs to his sister’s room. He knocked softly and opened it, finding his sister sitting on the bed playing on her phone. He studied his sister for a few moments, wishing briefly that he could rewind the clock back to when they were innocent kids. She was beautiful and he didn’t doubt that she had her fair share of boys around her. Tall like their dad, with wild black curly hair and piercing blue eyes. She looked a lot older than 15 and he suddenly wanted to lock her in her room until she was at least 20 and protect her from everything.

“Can you stop staring,” she grumbled without looking up. Jackson pulled away from the door and went to sit on the bed. “I suppose mom and dad told you about their disappointing daughter.”

“Knock it off,” he sighed. “Dad told me and yes he’s disappointed but he’s worried and he wants to keep you safe. I didn’t even know you were dating anyone. Are you even allowed to date yet?” he asked, knowing that that wasn’t exactly a prerequisite to have sex with someone. Annie sighed and put her phone down and flopped down on the bed.

“I’m not telling you who it is and we only did it twice. We just….we wanted to see what the fuss was about and wanted to get it over with.”

Jackson sighed. “I hate that it doesn’t seem to mean anything to anyone nowadays other than just doing it.”

“Well, not everyone finds the love of their life when they’re 14,” she grumbled.

“And so you’re doing it at 15 because you’re what? Scared you might have missed him?”

“I’m not like you, Jackson…”

“This isn’t about me, Annie,” he said slowly. “I’m well aware that me and Lila are not the norm when it comes to sex and relationships, but I’d hope you’d at least wait beyond 15 and not just “doing it”.”

“Why do you care?”

“Because you’re my sister, for fuck’s sake and I love you,” he snapped. “You shouldn’t be so flippant about sex.”

“Did you get this lecture when you first had sex?” 

“Actually, I had sex for the first time yesterday,” Jackson informed her. Annie sat up, her eyes wide in shock.

“What?”

“Last night was the first time Lila and I had sex.”

“Are you serious? You’ve been dating for 2 years.”

“We wanted to wait until we could handle it better. I mean, if you had come to me for sex advice literally 2 days ago, I couldn’t have given you any. In fact, I still can’t give you any beyond telling you to make sure you’re using protection.”

“Well, we did that and we aren’t doing it anymore. It wasn’t fun either time and I didn’t like it.”

“That’s probably because neither of you knew what you were doing,” Jackson said as he rolled his eyes. 

“Well, you don’t need to worry about that anymore for a while. I won’t be trying it again any time soon.”

“Good,” he muttered, standing to his feet. “I don’t want to have to beat the shit out of someone.” Annie rolled her eyes and lay back down and he headed for the door.

“How did Lila do?” she asked suddenly.

“She didn’t make it.”

“I’m sorry,” Annie said softly. “But congrats on finally losing your virginity.”

“Shut up,” he muttered as he left the room. He heard her laugh and smiled. He hoped she stuck to her plan for a good long while. In his room he flopped down on the bed and pulled out his phone, shooting off a text to Lila.

_I wish you were here right now. Some crazy shit went down while we were gone._

She answered immediately. **Uh oh, what happened?**

He was too lazy to text it out and video called her, explaining the entire issue and he tried to ignore how pretty she looked lying on the bed, her hair all a mess.

“Your sister had sex before we did?” she asked with a laugh. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh,” she added quickly.

“Focus on the bigger picture,” he grumbled with a sigh and she bit back another laugh. “She fifteen and just gave it up to some guy because she wanted to get it over with.”

“Well, some people are like that,” she shrugged. “I mean, yeah, it’s a bit rash and she’s young but Annie has always gone her own way and I don’t think you’ll be able to steer her in a way that’s different than she wants to go.”

“I know,” Jackson sighed. “I’m just worried about her. She never thinks things through enough.”

“She’ll be alright,” Lila said softly. He smiled as he looked at her face and kissed the screen.

“I wish you were here,” he murmured. “I miss you already.”

“Do you have a curfew?” she asked in a whisper. 

“Not since I turned 18, although it’s strongly suggested that I be home at midnight.”

“Well, I can accidently leave my window open and a ladder outside the garage,” she suggested, biting her lip.

“Don’t tempt me, Lila,” he groaned.

“Babe, that’s a straight up invitation,” she smirked. He stared at her for a moment and grinned.

“Be there in fifteen.”


	8. Beach Bum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year in Cali....Jackson doesn't do so well with freedom and responsibility and things begin to change....

Lila stood at the railing of the balcony on her and Jackson’s LA apartment and breathed in the ocean air. It was February and she wasn’t going to lie, being in the heat and sunshine versus the cold of New York was something she was very happy about. Even if it was for only another few months. She was banking on all her training to get her into Juilliard and back home, no matter how much she liked the sunshine. She let out a breath when she suddenly felt a pair of arms slip around her from behind, pulling her back against a familiar strong body.

“Hey babe,” Jackson said softly. 

“Hi,” she sighed, turned for his kiss. 

“I’m sorry I’m late,” he said when he pulled away. “I lost track of time.”

“Like last week? And the week before?” 

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, dropping his chin to her shoulder and kissing her cheek. 

“Yes, I know,” she said quietly and turned to walk back into the apartment. 

“Fuck,” Jackson muttered in a whisper and followed her. “Look…”

“Jackson, just stop,” Lila insisted. “I’m really tired and I don’t feel like fighting. I actually don’t even feel like going out at all so it's fine that you're late....again. I think I’ll just chill on the couch and eat take out and watch movies.” He didn’t say anything and she flopped down on the couch and grabbed the remote.

“You’re mad.”

“No shit.”

“I really am sorry but the waves started getting really nice and…”

“And you just had to ride them now that you’ve decided becoming an excellent surfer is more important than your school work and girlfriend, I get it,” she muttered.

“Lila…..”

“What?” she snapped throwing the remote down and standing up. “I’m working my ass off in training so we can get back to New York and I’m tired, I’m sore, I’m mentally exhausted and you’re not even concerned about the fact that your grades aren’t anywhere near what they used to be or that we barely spend any time together. It’s like you stopped caring and all you want to do is have a good time.”

“Well so what if I want to have a good time. For the first time in my life I don’t have my parents breathing down my neck to be the best at everything I’m doing and I can just fucking chill for a bit and have a breather and enjoy myself. My grades are fine. I’m not flunking out of any class and if I need to raise them I’m perfectly capable of cramming. I just want to take advantage of my time out here before we go back.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re having a good time,” she sighed. “I’m too busy chasing my dream to play on the beach.” 

“And I’m not?”

“Jackson, it’s fine. You can afford to slack off because you’re smart enough to pull it together when you need to. I unfortunately don’t have a minute to even breath because the second I slack off, I miss a jump, a twist, a twirl…..and whatever the fuck else I have to sharpen so I can get into Juilliard. Maybe I’m just jealous that you do get to have a good time and I spend my down time sleeping because I can’t barely keep my eyes open,” she complained. “What I do look forward to is our Friday evenings when I don’t have to be training to spend it with my boyfriend but for the third week in a row, he’s been too busy catching waves to remember that he finally gets an evening with me,” Lila said, her chin trembling and her eyes filling with tears. She hated crying in front of him and it seemed to her like in her exhaustion that was all she was doing lately and she turned quickly and headed to the bedroom.

He, of course, followed her and caught her next to the bed, wrapping his arms tightly around her. “I’m so sorry, Lila,” he said, his voice hoarse and filled with remorse. “I have no excuses and I’m so so sorry.” He sat down on the bed and pulled her onto his lap, hugging her close and she cried against his neck. She missed him, not just now, but ever since they had gotten to California. She hadn’t been prepared for the vast amount of training she was going to be facing and sometimes they went days without getting more than a few minutes together at a time before she fell exhausted into bed.

“I didn’t expect us to hardly see each other when we came out here,” she sniffed against his skin. “I’m training so much and sometimes…..i’m scared….”

“Of what?” he asked softly.

“That you’ll want to be with someone that you actually get to spend time with,” she cried. Jackson eased her back, a look of surprise on his face.

“God, Lila, you don’t need to be afraid of anything like that. I love you more than anything and I would never trade you for someone who’s available 24/7. Please don’t be scared about that. I know this is hard, but you’re my heart and no matter how weird our schedule is, I’m not going anywhere,” he said firmly. “If anyone should be worried, it’s me. I have so much more free time and I can’t even make it on time for a date with my girl when she has a minute to breathe and I’m an asshole.”

“Don’t say that,” she sighed, laying her head on his shoulder. “I’m just so frustrated. This is the time when we’re supposed to be having the best time of our lives, life before we have to pretend to be adults, do crazy things, have lots of sex……god, we haven’t even had sex in almost three weeks. If that’s not enough for me to think you’ll go find someone else, I don’t know what is.”

“Are you serious?” he laughed. “I think I’ve made it pretty clear that sex is something special to me and that’s because of you. Even if we wouldn’t be dating, I don’t think I’m the kind of guy who’d just be looking to get laid. We dated for two years before we had sex, I think I can wait a few weeks,” he added, still chuckling. 

“Well, if it doesn’t suck for you, it definitely sucks for me,” she said, disgruntled.

“Oh yeah?” he teased, a smile playing at his lips. He leaned in and nuzzled her neck, kissing her softly behind the ear and making her shiver. “And for the record,” he murmured. “It does suck, but I’d wait forever for you.” She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Do you remember the first time we had sex?”

“Yes, the weekend that caused this entire California year,” she sighed. “It was wonderful.”

“Do you remember the second time we had sex?” he asked, kissing her neck.

“The next day when you snuck into my room?” she giggled.

“And how did that go?”

“So bad,” Lila laughed. “It hurt more than the first time and I made you get off me.”

“And what happened after that?” he asked. Lila leaned back and smiled at him.

“You felt so bad that you decided we were waiting until grad to do it again because I’d for sure feel better and it wouldn’t hurt anymore.”

“And did I ever complain during those two months about not getting sex?” he asked softly.

“Not even once,” she whispered. His hand ran along her bare leg and teased under the hem of her shorts.

“And what happened on grad night?” he asked as his other hand slipped under her shirt.

“We had sex and it was so freaking amazing, we had sex every day after until you couldn’t get it up anymore,” she laughed and then gasped when he cupped her breast. 

“I will always wait for you,” he promised, his eyes dark and needy. “And I’m so very sorry Lila. I promise for the next month I won’t go surfing on Fridays because I don’t ever want to be late again and those will be our nights.”

“What if I get into Juilliard and we go to New York and it’s just as crazy,” she said sadly. “I don’t want to be apart from you so much.”

“Well what if you become a famous dancer and start travelling the world? Then what?” he asked with a smile. “As long as I get to call you ‘mine’, I’m happy.”

“You speak like you don’t think this will ever be hard,” she sighed and he shifted and lay her back on the bed, lying next to her and brushing her hair back.

“It will be but I’m willing to power through if you are,” Jackson said with a smile. Lila didn’t want to think about the future right then. She wanted him to touch her because no matter what he said, not having sex for three weeks sucked. She grabbed his face and pulled him down for a kiss. Her arms immediately went around him and she pressed against him, her hands sliding up into his hair, her mouth opening for his tongue. She whimpered as it swept inside, tangling with hers as his hands brushed down her body, sliding under the t-shirt to touch her skin once again.

Lila moved her hands down his back and tugged on his shirt and he broke the kiss to pull it off. He took her mouth again and she sensed a desperation in him that matched her own, realizing that he missed this as much as she did, despite his willingness to wait. He moved against her, letting her feel his need as his mouth left hers and moved down her neck, kissing and licking her skin, latching on to her pulse point and sucking till the skin bruised.

“I need you,” she whimpered and he quickly pulled off her shirt and bra, lowering his head and taking her nipple in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it as she moaned and arched up against him. His hand moved down, sliding into her shorts and finding her panties warm and damp with arousal, his groan at his find vibrating against her breast. He pulled them off with her shorts and tossed them aside, his mouth coming back to hers as his fingers moved back between her legs.

“Fuck,” Jackson groaned as he found her slick and hot, his fingers sliding through the moisture and slipping inside her, his thumb finding her clit, pressing against it. “I need you too,” he groaned, his hand moving to his shorts, fumbling as he undid them and Lila trembled, feeling his urgency and his need as she helped him and pushed them down and off. He quickly grabbed for a condom and she spread her legs further, pulling him to her as soon as he got it on and moaned when his arousal brushed over her. His hands slid down her arms to her hands and he pulled them up over her head, threading his fingers through hers and his eyes locked with hers as he thrust into her.

He pressed his mouth to hers again, catching her cry of pleasure as he moved inside her. It wasn’t slow, but it was steady, strong and deep and she lifted her legs to wrap around him as he pressed into her. Her breath hitched and gasped out of her when he lifted his head and stared down at her, his hands gripping hers tightly as he watched her face. Lila felt the fire race through her veins, the urgency picking up speed and she found herself desperate to get release, for them both to find much needed release. She tightened her legs, straining against him, lifting her head and swiping her tongue across his mouth. Jackson growled and took control, sliding his tongue into her mouth, angling his head to go deeper. The kiss turned ravenous, erotic, wet. He let go of one of her hands and moved his down to her thigh, gripping her leg and pulling it away from his waist, pressing it wide and opening her up further, sliding in deeper and she felt her body start to shake, the intensity of his kiss and movements sending her to the edge quickly. She whimpered, her free hand moving to his hair, gripping it as she kissed him. His thrusts picked up speed and his hand moved between them, stroking over her and Lila felt herself tighten with pleasure.

“Come Lila,” he gasped against her mouth. 

“Come with me,” she pleaded, wrapping her leg back around him. His thrusts got choppy and his fingers rubbed quickly against her and she fell apart, a loud cry falling from her lips and echoing around the room and she felt him stiffen and shudder, his hand gripping the sheets as he orgasmed, the clenching of her body pulling his release from him. He moved through it for a few moments until his arms went weak and he fell on top of her, gasping for breath into her neck. After a while, Jackson slowly pulled off her and rolled to the side, grabbing for a tissue to clean up before pulling her close and covering them with a blanket.

“I’m hungry,” she muttered against his shoulder, lifting her leg over his hip and snuggling closer.

“Pizza?”

“Extra cheese.” 

Jackson grabbed his phone and placed an order and then he shifted so he rested on his elbow and gazed down at her. Lila lifted her hand and brushed the stray curl off his forehead, letting her fingers slide through his silky hair.

“I love you,” he said softly.

“I know,” she smiled, tracing his mouth.

“I’m sorry Lila. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“I know that too.”

“I think I’ve been taking for granted that even if I fuck up and act like a selfish ass, you’re still going to be here and you’re still going to love me and I realize now that if I keep this up, you’re not going to put up with it for very long,” Jackson admitted with remorse. 

“It’s not just our relationship, Jax,” Lila sighed. “You used to pride yourself on your studying habits and you worked hard to get good grades, always striving to do the best you can and you seem to have stopped caring about your schooling and it worries me,” she admitted. He lay back on the pillow and rested his arm under his head.

“Yeah, I’m not handling my freedom and independence very well, am I?” he sighed.

“No, you’re not,” she agreed. “Maybe you should tell your friends that you’re actually a very smart, studious nerd and not a beach bum.”

“And ruin my Cali rep?” he said with a smirk. She rolled her eyes and he laughed and pulled her on top of him. “You dancing tomorrow?”

“Yes,” she sighed, resting her chin on her hands and frowning at him.

“How about I come watch.”

“You want to come hang out in the studio for 4 hours?” 

“I’ve done it before,” he shrugged. “I rather enjoy watching your sexy legs stretching and flying all over the dance studio.”

“Okay,” Lila said happily and he grinned at her as she leaned in to kiss him. Any problems were forgotten for the moment.

 

 

It was near the end of March when Lila came home from the studio and found Jackson sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. She frowned when she saw him and when he looked at her and she saw the regret and disappointment on his face, she panicked a little.

“What’s wrong?” she asked quickly, putting her bag down and walking over to him. 

“I failed one of my exams,” he said quietly and she let out a breath. Not much had changed in regards to his school work since they had talked a few weeks ago, even if he was back to being the perfect boyfriend. “My professor said I can retake it.”

“Well, that’s good, right?” she asked slowly. “I know you’re very good at study cramming, you should be able to do this.”

“I can only retake it next Friday,” he said quietly and she froze.

“Are you joking?” she gasped. He shook his head, his face filled with regret. “Jackson,” she exclaimed, her chin trembling. “That’s my Juilliard audition! I can’t go to New York alone!”

“I’m sorry,” he said, sounding a little broken.

“I can’t believe this,” she yelled, feeling angrier than she’d felt in a long time. She turned and stormed from the apartment. She ended up back at the studio and pacing the dance space in an attempt to keep from having a panic attack. Of course she wouldn’t want Jackson to miss his exam; she didn’t want him to fail the class but if he’d gotten his head out of his ass before this happened, he wouldn’t be in this situation.

Okay, she had been working so hard all year, she could do this without him there. She knew he supported her 100% and that was what she needed. He didn’t need to physically be there. She could do this. 

“I thought you went home already?” Laura, her dance instructor said as she walked into the studio. “You don’t have to live here, you know,” she smiled.

“Yeah, I know, just working through a little mental exercise,” Lila said with a shrug. She wasn’t about to tell her she was having boyfriend issues.

“You worried about your audition?” 

“Yeah,” Lila said with a laugh, which was completely true. Laura took her hands and squeezed.

“You’re going to do amazing,” she insisted. “You’ve become an incredible dancer over the last few months and you’re going to nail this audition. Trust me.” Lila only nodded and let out a shaky breath. “Believe in yourself sweetheart because you’re going to do amazing things with your career.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, hugging her teacher, the only friend besides Jackson that she had out here. 

 

 

A week later, she was standing at the airport with a regretful Jackson who had an exam to take a few hours later.

“I’m so sorry,” he said for the millionth time that week and she just shook her head, swallowing her tears. 

“You can stop saying that now,” she insisted. Despite her still being mad at him for his screw up, she knew he needed to clear his head so he could do well on his exam that he had spent the entire week studying for.

“You knock ‘em dead, okay?” he said softly, cupping her face in his hands. “I wish more than anything that I could be there with you.”

“You will be,” Lila said, taking his hand and placing it over her heart. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he breathed.

“You go pass that exam, okay?”

“Yes ma’am,” Jackson smiled. She gave him a soft lingering kiss and then headed to the gate.

Three days later, she returned home with her acceptance letter to Juilliard and to a smiling Jackson who had, of course, aced his exam. 

 

 

As the year drew to a close, Lila was sensing that Jackson was keeping something from her and it unnerved her. She had made it into her dream school, they could head back to New York, things were working out just how they wanted and yet, he was subdued and didn’t seem as happy as she thought he could have been. She finally decided enough was enough and demanded to know what was going on.

“Okay, what the hell is up with you?” she asked in frustration. “You’ve been acting weird all month and you’re making me nervous. Is something wrong?” Jackson chewed on his lip for a while, not meeting her gaze. “Tell me.”

“You know Professor Lenning?” he finally spoke.

“Yeah….the English professor?”

“Yes. He used to teach at NYU and he’s the best English professor in any teaching program. Even my dad knows who he is because he studied under him to be a better writer when he went to school years ago. He’s obviously here now and not in New York.”

“Okay….”

“Well, thanks to your lectures about taking my schooling more seriously, ive done exactly that and I’m back near the top of the class again and I really want to focus on getting my degree. I think….I think I want to stay here for my second year so I can study under him,” Jackson finished in a rush. Lila shook her head in confusion.

“But….I have to go to New York….” She said slowly.

“I know.” His quiet tone made her go still and tears stung her eyes.

“You aren’t coming with me?” she whispered, feeling her heart squeeze painfully. He took a step toward her and she stepped back.

“It’s seven months, babe, that’s it. I know I’ve fucked up a lot this year and honestly, I have no idea why you’ve even put up with me but when you did so well at your audition without me, I realized that you don’t even need me and that you can do anything you put your mind to. Even tackling New York alone. I love you, more than anything and I think we’ll be okay doing long distance for a bit.”

“Jackson, you’re here in California with me because you told me there was no way you wanted to be across the country from me and now you’re fine letting that happen? For seven months? Are you kidding me right now?” she cried, her tears falling down her cheeks. He swallowed, his face crumpling.

“Please don’t cry,” he pleaded.

“Jackson, you’re leaving me!”

“No, I’m absolutely not, Lila,” he said quickly, stepping closer and resting his hands on her shoulders. “I am not leaving you! I don’t want to break up at all, not in any way. It would just be long distance for a while and I know we can do it. I think it might even be good for us, to grow in our independence. We’ve been attached at the hip for years, this could be a good thing.”

“A good thing? You think we need to be apart?” she asked in shock. “We’re barely fucking together as it is and you think putting an entire country between us for seven months is a good idea?”

“Well, you’re right, we hardly have time together and so this should be easy,” he said lamely.

“Jackson, I don’t want to do this,” she sniffed. “I can’t tackle New York and Juilliard by myself.”

“Yes, you can,” he insisted. “And I’ll be just a text or call or video chat away. We’ll do weekly video chats and we’ll make sure to text constantly and…”

“It’s not the same,” she sobbed, feeling like her heart was breaking. “How can you want this? How can you want to be away from me for seven months?” she wondered tearfully.

“I don’t want to,” he said sadly. “I just think I need to. I really want to take this english course and I feel like I need to stand up and tackle this on my own without needing to hold your hand. If it wasn’t for you this year, I’d probably have flunked out of school and I think this is a way to prove that I’m not a complete moron.”

“Nobody thinks you’re a moron, Jax,” Lila insisted.

“I do,” he said quietly. “I feel like I need to prove myself all over again and this is the only way I can think to do it.”

“You think us separating and being across the country from each other is the way to prove yourself?” she asked, confused. “Jackson you can prove yourself in NYU by actually doing your work and acing your classes. You don’t need to be in California to do that,” she insisted.

“Maybe not but it’s what I want to do,” he said quietly. “I mean, I like it here and….”

“Right,” she laughed. “That’s what it really is, isn’t it. You like it here. You get to play at the beach with all your friends that are suddenly so important even though you’ve only known them 8 months. And there’s no surfing and beach buddies in New York, is there?” she shot back. 

“That’s not…..” he sighed and then trailed off. 

“Do you realize, Jackson, in the entire time we’ve been here, I’ve only met these new friends of yours a few times? I barely remember their names because we never hung out. Although, I do remember Chrissy. I’m sure she’ll be thrilled I won’t be around anymore.”

“What the hell?” Jackson asked in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“Nothing,” she snapped, walking over to the fridge and grabbing a drink.

“Chrissy is just a friend,” he explained. “She’s part of the group. You know I would never…”

“I’m not worried you’re going to cheat on me, Jackson,” Lila said with a sigh. “I know you wouldn’t do that, but I’m pretty sure little miss _heart eyes for my boyfriend_ will give it her best shot.”

“Lila…”

“I know all I did this year was train and sleep basically, but you’ve spent the year having a great time and meeting new friends and I had nobody but you because I didn’t have time to have a social life. I realize we each had a completely different experience out here and it was great for you, but it wasn’t for me. Even when I finally had breaks, I had to basically pin you down to spend time with you and now you want to let me head back to New York all by myself and you’re trying to tell me that you’re going to be more available to me than you were when I was actually here?” she asked. “Texts, calls, video chats? When? Before or after the next big wave?” she snapped before she stormed into their bedroom and slammed the door, feeling like she couldn’t breathe. What the hell was happening? First he didn’t make her audition and now he wanted to stay here?

Jackson stayed on the couch for the night and Lila cried herself to sleep. How was it going to work long distance if they were already fighting when they were actually together? She found him in the morning sitting at the table and staring into his coffee cup. He looked up and gave her a small smile as she wandered to the coffee pot and poured herself a cup.

“I won’t stay,” he said quietly and she turned to look at him.

“What?”

“I won’t stay. I’m coming to New York.” 

Lila could tell it wasn’t what he really wanted and she wasn’t about to give him a reason to resent her. 

“No, it’s fine,” she said quietly. “You want to stay here and I won’t stop you. We’ll do long distance and be back together before you know it.”

“No…”

“Jackson, yes!” she snapped and then sighed and pressed her hand to her forehead. “I’m sorry, I’m just…..look, you clearly want to stay here and I’m not going to make you come to New York if you don’t want to. We’ll make it work.”

“Okay…” he said quietly, not putting up a fight to go with her at all and she felt like everything was shifting and not in a good way. 

“What’s happening to us?” she asked in a whisper, feeling her hands start to shake and the damn tears that didn’t want to stop fill her eyes. Jackson quickly got up and rushed over, wrapping his arms around her.

“Nothing, babe, I promise,” he said firmly. “It’s going to be okay. I just….I don’t know, I feel like my experience here isn’t finished and I want….” 

“I’m scared,” she cried as she clutched his shirt. Jackson pulled back and sat down on the couch, pulling her onto his lap. He rested his forehead on her shoulder and took a steadying breath before he looked at her.

“Do you know how much I love you?” he asked softly. She nodded. “And remember what I said to you a few months ago? How it didn’t matter where we were or what was happening, it would all be okay as long as I get to call you ‘mine’?”

“I remember.”

“I still feel that way completely,” Jackson said firmly. “It changes nothing between us.”

“Well, except the fact that you’ll be here and I’ll be in New York,” she whispered. “I thought we were going to spend the summer setting up in the city and figuring out how to get around and getting used to things….”

“Or, you can stay here for the summer and we can spend every single day together and get in so much loving that we’ll be good for a while and those seven months will just fly by.”

“I have to go to New York in July already. There are so many things I need to do and I can’t spend the summer on the beach in California,” she explained quietly, not even able to comprehend how she was having this conversation with him.

“Well, we still have the rest of May and June,” he insisted and Lila nodded. It was too much to process and she was so shook by this this turn of events, she didn’t put up a fight. She simply wrapped her arms around him and held onto him while she still could.

 

The school year ended and she was at least happy that he was back at the top of his class. Schooling always came easy to Jackson and while he could bounce back after slacking off, the fact that he had even done that was still concerning to Lila. How would he do without her there to keep an eye on him? Was that even how she should be feeling? She shouldn’t have to keep an eye on him. He was enjoying his freedom away from his parents, that much was obvious and she wondered just how much pressure they had always put on him. They hadn’t seemed like the type, always just requiring that their children did the best they could. Maybe it was Jackson that had put pressure on himself in close proximity to them, fearing failure in front of their eyes because of how successful they both were.

She couldn’t worry about it or him for that matter. Although the latter would be much harder, she had her own school and dreams to take care of and worry about and she didn’t know how she was going to tackle it without him by her side, but he was right, seven months wasn’t forever and she was certain they could do it, but deep inside a ball of fear began to form and she wondered if they were heading for disaster. 

The two months they spent together were wonderful and she never doubted that he loved her but their looming separation was heavy on her mind and no matter how much he told her it was going to be alright, she couldn’t stop the anxiety that nearly overwhelmed her. On her last night in California, she cried in his arms the entire night while he whispered how much he loved her. This wasn’t the plan and dream they had always shared and she felt the pain of leaving him deep inside where it built to a simmering burn. Everything was changing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some moments that lead Jackson and Lila into a storm that might sink them....


	9. The Great Separation

“Miss Jordan?”

Lila let out a breath and straightened from her waist bend and looked at her dance instructor. 

“Please see me after class,” she was instructed and she nodded stiffly, knowing already that this wasn’t going to be anything good. She was fucking up on a massive scale and it was only a matter of time at this point. 

She blinked back the tears as her classmates sent her sympathetic looks and they all lined up to do their jump splits across the studio. When the class finally ended, she took a quick shower and then grabbed her bag and headed to the office off the studio. She knocked and was waved in, the instructor, Mrs. Whyler, not bothering to look up from her paper. 

“Please sit down,” she murmured, motioning to the chair. Lila sat and bounced her leg nervously. “How long have you been with us, Lila?” she asked, still looking at the paper in front of her and writing something down.

“Four months,” Lila said, hating how small her voice was. The woman put down her pen and folded her hands on the desk, studying her for a moment. 

“It’s your first year, yes?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Do you know why I asked you to come see me?”

“I haven’t been doing well,” Lila sighed, clasping her hands together on her lap.

“I was led to believe that you were a brilliant and gifted student, Miss. Jordan and that the school was thrilled to have you. I haven’t seen anything brilliant from you since you got here and not only that, you’re getting steadily worse. I have no doubt that you’re a gifted dancer because you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t, but you have yet to show it to me. Would you care to explain that?” Lila took a moment and let out a shaky breath. Her heart was pounding and real fear set in as she struggled to steady herself.

“I’m….there’s some things going on in my personal life and I….i have no excuse…”she stammered out. “I’m just not handling everything well.” 

“Lila.” Her name was spoken so softly, the instructor’s voice filled with concern that her eyes filled with tears. “I don’t know what is going on, or what is holding you back and causing you to not dance to your potential, but whatever it is, you need to deal with it and you need to deal with it quickly because you are on the verge of flunking out of this program.” Lila nodded, fighting back tears, her heart racing. 

“I’m sorry, I’ll do better,” she promised in a whisper.

“I really hope you do Lila, because we hate losing students for any reason, least of all getting kicked out because you aren’t dancing to your potential. There are many students who would kill to be in your place so kindly don’t insult them by taking up a space and doing your worst.”

“Yes, Mrs. Whyler.”

“Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to give you a week sick leave. Take the week, get your head together and then you come back here and show me what you can do. Alright?”

“Yes ma’am,” Lila said quickly. She was dismissed and she hurried out and headed home, thankful it was her last class of the day and week. By the time she was in her apartment, she was in tears and she threw her bag across the room and yelled out her frustration. “God dammit!!!”

She hadn’t needed the teacher to tell her that she was fucking up, she knew. She had known from day one and it was her own fault. Lila hadn’t realized just how big a problem her anxiety over her and Jackson’s relationship was until her worry about it was literally consuming her. She had come to New York in July and at first it had been good. They talked every day, texts, calls, video chats when they had time but as soon as school started, it dropped drastically and at first it had been alright because Lila understood that they were both busy. 

Jackson had taken a course overload in an effort to prove that he was still an A+ student and she was always training but then, once again, he started missing calls. He wouldn’t reply to texts sometimes for a couple days. He didn’t pick up calls, he missed video chat dates. He was always apologetic, but it was starting to take its toll. Why was one video call a week such a hard thing for him to remember? It was always the same, sorry babe, I forgot, I was running late, I had to study, went out for food and drinks with the gang and got stuck. Once again, she was what mattered the least and it hurt more than she could bear.

She missed him so much, it hurt. It didn’t help that she had no friends, which basically was the story of her life. While her dance mates would ask her to go out with them, she was always going home because she had set dates to call or video chat Jackson and when he would miss those calls, she would sit in anger because she could be out making friends and yet, she was sitting around and waiting for him. 

Lila ordered herself some food and watched the clock, waiting for 7:00 when Jackson had promised he would video call her. She really needed him today. They needed to talk and figure this out because she wasn’t just terrified of losing him, she was terrified of losing her dream. When the time rolled around, her phone remained silent and she waited fifteen minutes before she decide to call him instead. Her breath left her lungs when Chrissy answered the call, her sunny smile and blonde hair filling the screen. 

“Oh, hey Lila. Can you hang on a second, Jax just went to grab some ice,” she asked smiling. There was a lot of noise on her end and the usual crowd hovered around, all waving at Lila and smiling and she managed a small smile of her own. Jackson had his friends over and had once again, forgotten it was date night. “Jackson, hurry up, Lila’s on the phone.”

“Oh shit, is it seven already in New York?” Lila heard him groan and gritted her teeth in frustration. The phone was grabbed and Jackson’s face appeared, smiling and remorseful. As gorgeous as ever and she wanted to slap him. “God, babe, I’m sorry. I’m going to get rid of these guys and call you back, okay? Give me fifteen?”

“Yeah, sure,” she muttered and disconnected the call. Forty-five minutes later, his video call lit up the screen and she stared at it for a moment before hitting decline and turning off the phone, throwing it onto the couch and leaving the apartment to head to the pool.

When she came home a few hours later and turned her phone back on, she had the usual collection of texts and voice messages. He was sorry. Please pick up. I love you and I’m so sorry. She lay in bed sobbing and listening to him speak about how much he loved her and he missed her so much and he was so so sorry. When she managed to stop crying, desperate for some sort of comfort, she called him.

“Babe!” he answered almost instantly, making it obvious he was glued to his phone waiting for her call.

“Hi,” she whispered, hating that even that didn’t hide her tears.

“I’m sorry,” he rushed out. “Fuck, I know you’re so sick of hearing me say that, but I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I know,” she said, her voice small. And she did. She knew he was sorry but it was starting to not mean anything. Lila knew Jackson loved her but it had become a little too comfortable, forgiveness always extended. “It’s one video call a week, Jax. Just one. On a night we both have free. All I ask for is one hour and if we both want to go out on Friday night, there is plenty of time after, or before if we switch the time to late. Or the texts; we always have our phones on us and there really isn’t any reason to not reply to a text for a day or two. I can understand a few hours, even though that’s already pushing it and I’m not saying this because I’m some psycho girlfriend who demands you give me all your attention, but who in this day and age, doesn’t return a text for two days? Who doesn’t have an hour once a week to video chat with their girlfriend? I don’t understand it.”

“I’m hurting you,” he said, his voice sounding broken.

“Yes.”

“Lila…”

“What would you do, Jackson, if I was treating you like this? If I was not returning calls, texts, missing dates, making and breaking promises?” she asked tearfully.

“I don’t know,” he answered quietly. “I can’t even answer properly because I don’t think you’d ever do that.”

“Are you doing alright in your classes?” she asked, suddenly worried about his entire life, not just theirs. Was his schooling suffering as well?”

“I’m doing good,” he sighed. “I promise I’m not slacking on my studies in any way. Top of the class.”

“So it’s just the relationship stuff that’s being neglected…” she said sadly. 

“I’m sorry…”

“Please stop saying that,” she pleaded. “It doesn’t mean anything at this point. I think I’m going to go to bed. I need to think a bit and I promise I’ll call you on Monday evening, okay?”

“Lila…” his voice sounded shaky, fearful. “Why do you need to think?”

“I just do,” she whispered. “I’ll call you Monday.”

“Okay,” Jackson said slowly, his voice cracking and wobbly. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she replied before she ended the call.

 

 

Lila spent the weekend eating ice cream, crying and thinking. Was she being unreasonable, expecting him to at least have an hour for her once a week? And why did he take so long to answer texts? Everyone else that she sent texts to in her life always replied within an hour and that was the longest it took, but her boyfriend, who said he loved her more than anything, just paid no attention to the few texts she would send. She had even cut back thinking if he didn’t hear from her often he would be really happy when he finally did and nothing was helping. 

On Monday morning as she paced around the living room, she stopped in surprise when there was a knock at the door. She opened it and stared in surprise at Jackson's mother.

“Mrs. Jones, what are you doing here?” she asked in a rush. She smoothed her hair and suddenly wished she wasn’t in ratty sweats and a stained t-shirt. She’d been moping around all weekend and she knew she looked like shit.

“Oh Lila, honey,” Jackson’s mother sighed. “You look worn out.” Lila just stepped back and let her in and watched in silence as she put her bag down and slipped out of her jacket. “This is a nice apartment. I’m glad you found something so close to the studio.”

“Thank you,” Lila said quietly. “I’ve actually been thinking of moving. Maybe with a roommate. It gets a bit lonely.” Betty studied her for a moment and then took her hand and led her to the couch. They sat down and the woman offered her a sympathetic smile. “Why are you here?”

“Well, since The Cooper Jones Foundation is funding your schooling, they called and informed us about the fact that you aren’t doing so well,” Betty said slowly. “You’re on the verge of losing your spot in the program.” 

“I know,” Lila whispered, feeling tears fill her eyes. 

“Lila, tell me what’s going on. This isn’t like you. I know how hard you’ve worked for this and how much this means to you. Why are you struggling so much?” Lila said nothing, staring at her folded hands as her leg bounced nervously.

“I just need to figure some stuff out,” she explained. 

“Stuff, as in Jackson?” Betty asked slowly.

“I just….I really miss him.”

“Look sweetheart, I can’t even begin to understand what possessed Jackson to stay out in California and not come here with you, in fact, I’m still angry about it and I know how hard this must be, but I don’t believe that you’re struggling this much because you guys are going long distance. Are you afraid he’ll cheat on you? Are you worrying?”

“No, I know he’d never cheat,” Lila insisted, blinking back tears. “It’s just….it’s hard to maintain our relationship so far apart, I guess,” she whispered. “I find myself constantly anxious and wishing he’d….”

“Wishing he’d what? Come to New York?” While that was true, it wasn’t what she wished for lately and she shook her head. “Lila?”

“I just wish he’d remember our dates and return my messages because we’re so far apart and it’s all we have,” she rushed out, feeling foolish and fighting back tears.

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t want to talk about this with you,” Lila murmured. “It seems weird because you’re….”

“His mother?” Betty laughed. “Right now I’m your sponsor and I’m wondering what your idiot boyfriend is doing that’s causing you to fall apart, now tell me what’s going on. Please.” Lila explained how their relationship was flailing and how she simply wasn’t handling it well. 

“I always had a bit of nerves and some things make me anxious but my anxiety and fear that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and that I’ll lose him is running me down and I don’t know how to change it. It’s all I think about and I can’t focus on my dancing or anything else, really,” she said sadly. “I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing anymore as I’m holding on to the two most important things in my life and I’m losing my grip on both.”

“Lila,” Betty said gently, taking her hand. “What is it that you’ve always wanted, from when you were very little.

“I want to be a dancer,” she whispered.

“What do you see yourself doing in the future?”

“Dancing.”

“What are you Lila?”

“I’m a dancer,” she said, not hesitating once.

“Your dream your entire life has been….”

“To be a dancer.”

“Sweetheart, you’re on the verge of throwing away that dream because a young man is neglecting and hurting you. I don’t care who he is, you do not let his stupidity kill your dreams. If you can’t hold on to dancing and to Jackson and feel like you’re losing both, you need to let one go,” Betty said sadly but firmly. Lila looked at her and shook her head.

“I can’t,” she cried, her voice breaking on a sob. “We’re going to talk later, we’ll figure it out.”

“Lila honey, I know you love him, I know you do; but you can’t keep doing this. You can’t keep letting him do this to you. You are enabling his behaviour with your continuous forgiveness and he’s going to keep doing it. You cannot throw away the dreams you’ve had your entire life by hanging on to a relationship that isn’t working and causing you to have constant anxiety,” Betty said sadly, her own eyes filling with tears. “I never in my whole life thought I would say this to anyone Jackson was dating because I always thought he’d be like his father, a wonderful boyfriend but it’s very clear, that right now, my son doesn’t deserve you and you can’t let him hurt you like this anymore.”

“He loves me, even with all this,” Lila whispered, her tears running down her face. “I don’t want to break his heart.” 

“But you’re letting him break yours,” Betty said sadly. “Until he figures out what’s important to him and what exactly he wants, I think you need to let him go because if you don’t, you will lose your place at Juilliard and they won’t ever let you back in and your dream is too important and I won’t let you waste it because of a boy.”

“I just love him so much,” Lila sobbed and Betty wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close.

“I know sweetie, but I think it’s time for you to love yourself more.”

 

 

That night, Lila called Jackson. He answered immediately, clearly worried and his anxious voice almost broke her.

“Hi baby,” he said softly. Lila took a deep shuddering breath.

“Jackson, I can’t do this anymore.”

 

 

When Betty walked into the Jones Manor that night, having driven hours and fuming over her son’s behaviour, she was in a foul mood.

“Everything alright?” Jughead asked softly as she headed for the stairs, a long hot bubble bath the only thing she wanted at the moment.

“Jughead Jones, your son is a complete ass hat!” she snapped.

“Fucking hell, Jackson,” Jughead sighed, dragging a hand over his face. If Betty was talking like that, things definitely weren’t alright. 

Later that night, as they lay in bed, Betty told Jughead all that had transpired. 

“What’s going on with him, Jug?” she sighed. “He loves that girl so much and yet he can’t bother himself to make sure their relationship is taken care of. Doesn’t he miss her?”

“I don’t know,” Jughead said with a frown. “I know if you had gone across the country for a year, I’d have never missed a date and if I did, I’d have a damn good excuse and hanging with your buddies, that you can see literally any day, is not a good excuse. Why would he risk his relationship by doing this?” he asked in confusion. “He sat in my office last year and told me that all he wanted was Lila and he was going to join her because he didn’t want to be away from her and now this? Even him staying out there seems like odd behaviour.”

“I don’t know,” Betty sighed, rolling into him and resting her leg across his waist. “Is this what they call it when you’re trying to figure out who you are?”

“Jackson has always had his head on straight. I don’t understand what it is he could be trying to figure out.”

“Well, he’s going to have the opportunity to do that now,” she said sadly.

“You seriously encouraged Lila to dump our son?” he asked, turning to look at her.

“It’ll work itself out,” Betty insisted.

“How?”

“Jackson loves her and if this doesn’t get him to pull his head out of his ass, nothing will.”

“You think them breaking up will help them work it out? What if he realizes he’d rather be alone or she doesn’t want him back if he does fight for her?”

“Well, then I read them completely wrong because I honestly believe they belong together and I just took an enormous gamble and I hope it works out because if it doesn’t, I just screwed up a couple of kids who love each other and don’t know how to handle it and their suddenly grown up lives. They both need to focus on themselves and then they can work together.”

“Well, I hope you’re right. I really thought those two are it for each other.”

“They are. Here’s hoping they figure it out.”

“Fingers crossed.”

“Now….” Betty began. ”Annie’s teacher called today. She got detention again. Something about a fight with another girl.”

“Oh my god,” Jughead groaned. “We couldn’t have just had some pets instead of kids….” Betty burst out laughing and he grinned and rolled so he was hovering over her. “Are the other two behaving themselves?” he asked as he dipped down to nuzzle her neck.

“Well, Jesse informed me today that if he doesn’t make it as a famous athlete, he’s going to live with us forever because he doesn’t think putting “hits balls all day” on job application is going to get him any work,” Betty informed him. Jughead started to laugh against her neck and lifted his head.

“He did not.”

“Yes he did,” she laughed.

“Well, I guess we better make sure he trains hard,” he smiled. “Now, speaking of balls…” Betty rolled her eyes and then moaned when he dropped his head and his mouth started doing delicious things to her. 

 

 

Jackson sat on the beach, staring out at the waves rolling in and feeling no desire to ride them. Adam, one of his friends sat beside him and offered him a beer and he shook his head. 

“Missing your girl?” he asked with a smile. 

“Always,” Jackson said quietly. He hadn’t told anybody that Lila had ended it with him. It had been two and a half months already and in truth, he was still struggling with it. He had known, that weekend when she had needed to think, that she was done with his bullshit and he’d panicked the entire weekend and trying to think of what he’d say to change her mind but she had been determined. The second he heard the words _I can’t do this anymore_ , he’d started to cry.

Nothing he’d said could convince her and in truth, he didn’t blame her. It had been the usual word vomit that she was sick of hearing. He was sorry, he loved her, she was it for him. She had simply told him that she needed to spend some time taking care of herself and wanted to be alone for a while. All his words hadn’t meant anything because she’d heard them all. It was his actions that had forced her hand. Actions that didn’t match the words he always spewed. He’d loved her more than anything but his actions hadn’t shown that.

He’d begged and pleaded to no avail. She insisted they needed to take some time to themselves and that it would be good for them. She had cried as she’d told him how very much she loved him and then she’d said goodbye. He couldn’t believe that he’d fucked up the best thing in his life. That he’d hurt the girl he loved more than anything so badly that she’d broken up with him.

Jackson had left probably an illegal amount of texts and messages for her and she’d never replied once and he had to shake his head at his own foolishness. Now, when it was too late, he was spending every free second he had, trying to get her to talk to him. It felt like his heart was gone and he fell asleep every night watching videos of her that he had on his phone and staring at her picture. She was so fucking beautiful and he hated himself for fucking it up.

“Can I ask you something?” Adam asked.

“Sure.”

“Why didn’t you go to New York with her?”

“I thought I had to prove to myself and everyone that I was an adult and could be on my own without anybody helping me or guiding me,” Jackson said with a shrug. “I messed up big time in regards to school last year and I had something to prove I guess.”

“And the weather and beaches had nothing to do with it?” Adam smirked. “You spend all your free time down here catching waves, or rather, you used to. I don’t see you do much except stare at the water these days.”

“Well, it made the decision easier,” Jackson said with a small laugh. “I grew up in a small town, New York and I never in my life thought I’d enjoy hanging on the beach and surfing and it got in my blood I guess.”

“You going to stay after the year is done? Or sticking to you plan of just this year?”

“Oh, I’m definitely going back home after this year. I don’t belong here,” Jackson said slowly, as if the realization just came to him. “My family and my life is in New York.”

“Why didn’t you go home for Christmas?” 

“My parents are pissed off at me for staying out here and I really didn’t want to hear any lectures.” It was only a half lie because they had in fact been angry but the big truth was that he was embarrassed. He felt like a failure and didn’t want to face anyone and so he’d disappointed his parents once again and spent Christmas alone. His mom had cried when he’d told her, saying that family was important, especially now that he was alone and needed comfort. It hadn’t mattered and he’d stayed in California. He had just needed to be alone and think but it didn’t matter what he was thinking, it always ended up in piles of regret and missing Lila.

 

 

Later that night he was sitting on the couch and once again lost in thought when there was a knock at the door. He sighed and went to answer it, knowing it was probably his friends coming to drag him to the beach or a party and he really wasn’t in the mood. He opened it and found only Chrissy standing there with a smile on her face.

“Hey,” he said in surprise. “What are you doing here?” 

“Can I come in?”

“I guess,” he shrugged, stepping aside and letting her in. He watched her as she dropped her bag and went to the fridge to help herself to a drink. “What’s up?” he asked.

“How are you doing, Jax?” she asked softly and he furrowed his brow.

“I’m fine.”

“I don’t think you are,” she said slowly. “You haven’t been fine for a couple of months.”

“How do you figure?” Jackson asked. Chrissy rolled her eyes and walked over to him.

“Look, maybe it’s because I’m a woman and clearly have more intuition that the other idiots we hang around but you haven’t been the same since the night Lila called and I answered and you made us all get out. I could tell she was angry, I could tell you were a little panicked at having missed your video date and when I saw you again the following Monday, you looked like a kicked puppy. She broke up with you, didn’t she?” Jackson moved away from her and went to lean against the counter and Chrissy sat on the table, watching him. He wanted to lash out at her for answering the call in the first place when she’d seen it was Lila but he knew it would just be another way for him to pass the blame to someone else.

“Yeah, she did,” he sighed. 

“And you’ve been keeping this to yourself for two months? Why?” she asked. Jackson studied her and he remembered the previous year when Lila had voiced her concern about Chrissy, claiming she had heart eyes for him and while the blonde had never made a move on him, she was attentive and touched him a little more than he thought necessary. She was pretty, the typical Cali girl with sunny blonde hair, blue eyes, had guys hitting on her all the time but his heart was wrapped up in brown hair and brown eyes and Chrissy did absolutely nothing for him. Even now that he was single, he just couldn’t bring himself to look at another girl.

“It wasn’t anybody’s business,” Jackson offered in way of explanation. 

“You know when you go through a breakup, the best thing to do is get out there, have some fun, be with your friends. Wallowing in self pity isn’t very helpful,” she insisted. She hopped off the table and walked over to him and he tensed, gripping the counter when she stopped right in front of him. “I mean, there are so many things you could have been doing to get over her.”

“I don’t want to get over her,” he said with a frown and she raised an eyebrow, stepping even closer.

“Well, you need to,” she said, her voice dropping lower in what he figured was supposed to be a seductive and sexy tone and it just made him uncomfortable. Her hand touched his chest and she stepped closer still and he quickly side stepped her.

“What are you doing?” he asked, feeling frustrated and cornered. Chrissy laughed and suddenly grabbed her shirt and pulled it off, standing there in her small shorts and a barely there bra and he stared at her in surprise.

“Jackson, I like you. You’re hot, you’re sexy as hell and I’ve spent the last year and a half wanting you and respecting the fact that you have a girlfriend and now, you’re single and honestly, you need to get fucking laid.”

“I love Lila,” he said firmly, watching nervously as her hands played with the button of her shorts.

“She dumped you and since you’re not the cheating type and she’s been in New York, you haven’t gotten laid in what, six months? I think it’s time. No strings, I expect nothing because I don’t think you’re ready for any kind of relationship, but you definitely need to have sex and frankly, so do I. So really, it’s a win win,” she smiled.

“I’m fine, Chrissy,” he muttered, looking away from her.

“What on earth is wrong with you?” she laughed, coming closer and he backed up a step. “Good grief, it’s just sex, it doesn’t mean anything and you’re single. Haven’t you ever wondered what it’d be like with someone else?” She touched his arm and he pulled away and sighed.

“Please put your shirt back on,” he snapped. “And no, I’ve never wondered what it’d be like with someone else and I’m not into just having sex.”

“Oh shit, you’re one of those.”

“One of those?”

“The _no sex without feelings_ type,” she explained.

“So?”

“Jackson, she broke up with you. Live a little.”

“Please just go.”

Chrissy rolled her eyes and pulled her shirt back on and he let out a little sigh of relief. She walked to the door, pulling it open before pausing and looking at him.

“You know, if you love her so fucking much and you don’t want anyone else, why the fuck aren’t you in New York?” she asked before leaving and slamming the door behind her. Jackson stared at the door for a moment and ran a hand through his hair.

“I have no fucking idea,” he muttered.

 

 

Three weeks later, Jackson climbed out of the taxi that had dropped him at the Jones Manor. He looked up at the home he’d grown up in and felt a calm he hadn’t felt in a year. He hadn’t been back since Christmas the first year him and Lila had been in California, having opted to stay and work at the beach last summer and of course missing Christmas a couple of months prior and it was good to be home. He adjusted his bag on his shoulder and walked up the steps, pausing for a moment before opening the door and walking in. 

“Oh my god, Jax!” Alyssa came flying down the stairs and he grunted as she threw herself at him, wrapping her arms and legs around him. He dropped his bag and hugged her back and laughed as she placed kisses all over his face.

“Hey Ally,” he said softly when she finally pulled back. “My god you’re getting big,” he laughed. “Are you twelve or twenty?”

“I’m twelve,” she giggled, hugging him again. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too,” Jackson sighed as she let go and put her feet in the ground.

“Hey loser,” Annie said with a smile as she appeared at the top of the stairs. Jackson grinned and she came down the stairs, enveloping him in a tight hug. 

“Damn, how have you gotten even prettier in a year,” he sighed, holding her back and looking at her. “Is dad busy beating up guys who come calling?” Annie rolled her eyes and laughed. Jesse came wandering out of the kitchen and offered a short hug and fist bump. “How are you a man at only fourteen?” Jackson asked, his younger brother already reaching his shoulders. It had been only a year and he talked with each of them on a regular basis on video chat but they’d all grown so much and he felt like he’d missed everything.

“Where’s mom and dad?” he asked, looking around.

“They had a Foundation meeting this afternoon. If you had called and said you were coming they probably would have moved it. Should be home in an hour,” Annie explained.

“I figured I’d surprise them,” Jackson said, heading up the stairs to his room. She followed him and watched as he slowly walked in and sat on the bed, looking around the place and seeing it hadn’t changed at all. All his things were exactly where he’d left them.

“So, you and Lila split….” Annie said quietly, leaning against the doorframe. Jackson said nothing and stared at the floor. “I was walking past mom and dad’s room a few months ago, I’m guessing right around when it happened. I heard them talking. Mom’s the one who told Lila to dump you.” His head came up in surprise at that.

“What?”

“She’d gone to see her that day, in New York.”

“Why?” Jackson asked in confusion.

“I don’t know but when she came back she was furious with you and she told dad that she told Lila to let you go. I didn’t really listen anymore because I was sneaking out at the time but just thought you should know,” Annie shrugged. She moved away from the door to leave and then paused and looked at him. 

“You look like shit by the way. Tired, and worn out but you’re growing up real nice, Jax,” she said with an affectionate smile. “I guess you’re a man now.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t like coming back here and realizing that my little sister is a beautiful young woman and from what you’re telling me, still sneaking out. You’re not doing anything stupid, are you?”

“You don’t get to lecture me, Jax,” she said with a laugh. “I think for the first time in our lives, mom and dad are more pissed off at you than they are at me and that makes your lectures null and void.” 

“Whatever,” he called after her as she headed back downstairs.

 

 

Two hours later he was in the kitchen eating a sandwich when his parents walked in. They stopped in surprise and stared in disbelief.

“How on earth did you get here?” his father asked in surprise.

“I flew in this morning,” Jackson said slowly, his eyes on his mother. She seemed frozen and he couldn’t help but notice the anger on her face and he swallowed nervously. “Hey mom,” he said quietly. 

“So February is a good time for a visit and not Christmas?” she snapped at him and he let out a sigh. Jughead gave his wife’s shoulders a squeeze and pressed a kiss to her hair.

“Welcome home son,” he said with a welcoming smile. “I’ll give you two a minute.” He left the room and Betty folded her arms across her chest and glared at Jackson.

“I’m sorry mom,” he said softly. 

“You’re very good at saying _sorry_ these days,” she said as she threw her file papers on the table. Jackson felt himself get angry and rested his hands on his hips.

“Yeah, but I can’t say that to Lila anymore since you’re the reason she broke up with me,” he snapped back. Betty went still and she turned to face him. He’d thought he’d gained an upper hand with his comment but his mother was livid.

“First of all,” she fumed. “Don’t you ever insult me again by putting the fault for your failed relationship on me. Lila was yours to lose and if you had bothered to give a shit even a little bit about her feelings, you wouldn’t be in this mess. Second, while you were out in California playing on the beach and trying to prove something to yourself, I was holding a devastated, sobbing young woman who was so broken by her boyfriend’s lack of attention and care that she was flunking out of the school that she had worked her entire life to get into!” she finished in an angry yell. 

“What?” Jackson gasped, sounding very much like he was being strangled. 

“She was on the verge of being kicked out of Juilliard, Jackson,” Betty yelled. “Her anxiety was through the roof, she was alone in a huge city and under so much pressure to do well and the one person who she longed to talk to so he could make her feel better didn’t seem to give a shit about her and couldn’t even be bothered to communicate on a weekly basis and she couldn’t handle it. She was trying to hold on to you and her dream and she was crumbling under pressure and completely falling apart and I told her she had to let something go and I’d be damned if I was going to let her chose an inconsiderate little shit of a boyfriend over a life long dream!” Jackson felt like he’d been kicked in the stomach and he sank down in a chair, feeling tears sting his eyes.

“It was just some missed calls and texts,” he attempted in vain to come up with an excuse when really he had none.

“Those calls and texts meant everything to her, Jackson. I forced her to tell me everything and you weren’t any better when you guys lived together in California. That girl was your whole heart and you were hers and maybe you depended too much on each other for support, especially her, but the fact of the matter is, she didn’t get it and I wasn’t about to let her waste her gift trying to hold on to something that wasn’t worth holding on to.” Jackson said nothing, feeling completely at a loss for words. 

“And let’s not even talk about your first year in California. Flunking exams and almost failing classes. In what world have you ever not cared about your schooling? You are so smart, Jackson and the world is yours to take and you completely fell apart when you had to be a grown up. I don’t know if that’s your fault or mine. Did your father and I not prepare you for adulthood and responsibility enough? Did we send you out into the world thinking you could handle it without realizing that we majorly screwed you up? Did we screw you up?” she asked, suddenly sounding vulnerable and sad.

“No, you didn’t screw me up,” Jackson said quietly. “You were great parents. You still are. I didn’t know about Lila and her dancing. She never said anything,” he finished in a whisper.

“Would it have mattered?” Betty asked softly.

“I’d like to think I’d have smartened up.”

“Are you listening to yourself? You should have smartened up before that happened.”

“Yeah….” Jackson got up and walked over to his mother, pulling her in for a hug. “I’m sorry mom,” he said again and she hugged him tight, her eyes filling with tears. “I came home because I’m completely lost and 20 or not, I needed my parents.”

“Jackson, I know it can be hard to find your footing when you have to be an adult, and when you’re trying to figure yourself out, and I have to say, I always thought you had yourself figured out, but you can’t hurt the people you love in the process. You just can’t.”

“I know,” he said quietly. “Do you….do you know how she’s doing? She won’t….she won’t answer any of my calls or texts.”

“Lila’s doing great, Jax. She picked herself up and she’s working hard and there is no longer the threat of being dropped from the program. Her instructors are very pleased.”

“Good,” he sighed in relief. “I would have never forgiven myself if she’d have gotten booted.”

“Well, Jackson, as furious as I am with you and the hand you played, I think it was good for Lila to do this on her own and to realize just how wonderful she is. She absolutely can do this by herself and she didn’t need you to help her get there. She needed to see that. But you could have done better,” she added.

“You aren’t wrong,” he said quietly. 

“And I have to say, even if she hadn’t been failing and I’d have caught wind of how your relationship was going, I would have encouraged her to do the same thing because your relationship wasn’t healthy for her.”

“Yeah, I guess,” he sighed. “I’m going to go for a walk,” Jackson said. “I’m sorry again.”

“I love you Jackson, so much and I hope you can find your place again and figure everything out,” Betty said, giving him another hug. “Being an adult is hard, making good choices makes it so much easier.” He nodded as he pulled away and left the kitchen.

 

 

After walking along the river at the back of the property, seeing all the places he and Lila had liked to hide and make out when they were still in high school, Jackson eventually found himself in the treehouse he’d build with his father when he was a boy. It had been another favorite place for them to cuddle and talk when Jesse hadn’t been using it and it’s where Jughead found him after wandering around looking for him.

“There you are,” he sighed as he came in and sat on the seat opposite Jackson. “I haven’t been in here in a while. With Jesse it’s more of a _no parents allowed_ rule.” That got him a small laugh. “How are you doing, son?” Jackson let out a sigh and rested his elbows on his thighs, dropping his head into his hands for a moment before running them through his hair; he lifted again and was too distraught to care about the tears filling his eyes.

“I fucked up,” he managed to get out.

“Yeah, you did,” Jughead said softly. “But the good thing is, you realize it. Do you want tell me why things took such a turn?”

“I honestly have no idea,” Jackson sighed. “We got to California and everything was great, we loved the beach, the weather, the food. When classes started we got really busy and Lila was training all the time and I guess I was having to find things to do on my own and I started surfing and made some new friends and it all seemed okay. We’d be together in the evening, spend our time together. I knew how hard she was working and she was always tired and slept a lot and it didn’t really bother me because I’d go hang with my friends or whatever but I guess I got a little too into the beach scene and was heading there when I should have been studying,” he explained. “I was just arrogantly thinking that I’d cram when I needed to and everything would be fine. I started being late when Lila and I had plans and she always forgave me and I guess I just took her completely for granted. If I was late, I knew she would forgive me, things would be fine. I just always banked on her being there, I guess.”

“She didn’t confront you about it?”

“Oh, she did. Not a lot though because she’s never been one to complain and kept things to herself but when she did, I’d feel horrible and I truly was sorry and she always forgave me. I didn’t mean to hurt her, I just…..i just wasn’t paying any attention to the fact that our relationship was suffering. The weekend I had to miss her Juilliard audition? God, I felt like the worst kind of loser. She was so incredibly disappointed and hurt and I was terrified that if she didn’t make it, she’d forever blame me and I swear I could barely concentrate on my exam that I was rewriting but I managed to pull my shit together somehow.”

“Why did you stay in California instead of coming to New York?”

“I thought I needed to prove something,” Jackson laughed. “That I could be an adult and do well in school without someone reminding me to study, without anybody encouraging me. I thought I was doing good because I dove into my studies, I did really well in my classes and I had a course overload so it was mostly class and study and when I did have some free time, I’d go hang with my buddies to unwind and with the time difference, I’d have to keep track of what time it was in New York and I did a shitty job of that. Again, it was the same thing. I took for granted that even though I was fucking up, she’d be there and she’d forgive me and she did, every time.”

“Sounds like you took advantage of that forgiveness,” Jughead said softly.

“Yeah, I did,” Jackson admitted. 

“Do you remember when you were ten and Alice told you that you had been a mistake and that I didn’t want you? Do you remember how you felt? How you acted out?” Jackson nodded, the tears clouding his eyes running down his face. “You lashed out in pain and anger in just a matter of a few weeks of feeling unwanted. Now try to imagine how Lila felt after more than a year of her boyfriend making almost no effort in showing how much she meant to him.” Jackson leaned forward, his head in his hands, feeling ashamed and like the worst kind of jerk.

“I let her down and I deserved to have my ass dumped. That night when she ignored my video call, I panicked and when she told me she would talk to me some other time because she needed to think…..” he trailed off with a sad laugh. “That was the worst weekend of my life. I locked myself in my apartment, glued to my phone, sending messages that she didn’t answer and I just knew…..i knew it was coming and I was literally two clicks away from booking a flight to New York.”

“You took advantage of the fact that she was always going to be there, neglected your relationship and when you realized she was going to end it, you panicked…..help me understand…..if you were barely paying any attention to her to begin with, why did it matter?” Jughead asked.

“Because I love her,” Jackson said, his voice small and tired. “It’s almost like I enjoyed having this sense of freedom, even though I loved her, almost like I was single, but I wasn’t. I guess part of me figured when I was done fucking around and living it up, I’d pour my attention back into my girlfriend, we’d have our happy life and all would be well.”

“So you expected her to just let you run wild and she’d patiently wait for you?” 

“Maybe….”

“Wow, your mother was right, you really are an ass hat,” Jughead laughed. Jackson said nothing, not fighting the observation. “Was there ever any other girls?”

“No!” he said firmly. “Not ever, not even since we broke up. It wasn’t about other girls, I didn’t want any other girls, I just wanted….i don’t know….i don’t fucking know.”

“You haven’t dated since you broke up?”

“No. I felt like my heart died the day we broke up. I know I didn’t act like it and even my explanations are idiotic and make no sense about why I was doing what I was doing, but I love her. I love her so fucking much and knowing that she isn’t my girl anymore is killing me. I sometimes think of her going out and dating other guys and guys kissing her and touching and I swear to god, I about lose my mind.”

“So what is it exactly that you want?”

“I want her. I want what we always had. I want to drop out of school and come to New York and win her back and prove how much I love her. The moment she broke up with me, all that other shit became nothing. I haven’t even surfed since we broke up because I just don’t care about that and it all became clear in the instant she said the words. God dad, I cried like a baby. I begged, I pleaded, I don’t know what the hell she sees in me, to be honest,” Jackson sighed and Jughead took a few minutes to study him before he spoke.

“You and Lila fell in love fast and hard and really really young,” he said slowly. “And I know at that age we feel like we can conquer the world. Our lives are in front of us, we’re sure everything is going to go good, we’re used to the lives we’re living and when things change, we get confused. When other things start becoming interesting and important, we tend to forget about the things that were always important before that. You don’t realize that this new thing is slowly taking over and the old thing is being left behind and when these things involve people, the pain is devastating. In your effort to find yourself as you discovered this new world, you forgot what was really important and now you’re alone. Tell me, Jackson, in the months you’ve been alone without us guiding you and without Lila around, what have you discovered about yourself.”

“The same shit that I always knew. I want to be a teacher and I want to be with Lila. That’s it dad. I’ve always known that and I didn’t need to stay in California to figure that out because I already knew it. Nothing has changed in how I see my future except maybe now I can just add ‘I can ride a sick wave’ to my resume and I can actually be a grown up without anybody holding my hand.”

“Well, at least you learned something. Are you happy with that dream? You don’t feel like your goals have changed in any way?”

“Not even a little, if anything, I just took a vacation from them for a bit for a breather or some shit and honestly, it just made me realize even more that that’s what I want.”

“Can I give you some advice?”

“That’s why I came home.”

“Go back to California and finish your year. Hell, work hard and finish early if you can. When your year is over, then you can come to New York and fight for your girl. From what your mother has told me, she’s doing really well and if you go to New York now, in the middle of the year and try to work things out, that’s a stress she doesn’t need while she fights to regain her place.”

“What if it’s too late by then,” Jackson asked in a whisper.

“Then that’s the outcome of your decisions and you’ll have to deal with it.”

“Do you think we can work this out?” 

“I don’t want to give you any false hope Jackson,” Jughead said with a sigh. “I can’t give you hope if I don’t know what will happen.”

“Dad, please,” he begged. “Do you think I have a shot at getting her back? I won’t hold it against you if it doesn’t work out.”

“I do believe you have a shot because I’ve always thought you two were meant to be together, just like your mother and I.” Jackson let out a slow breath and felt the squeeze on his heart ease slightly. Whether he wanted to or not, his father had planted a seed of hope and he was going to cling to it. “Have you talked to her at all since you broke up?”

“No. I’ve left dozens of messages and texts and she won’t answer them. She’ll probably sue me for harassment soon,” he said with a sad laugh.

“What do you say in those messages?”

“That I love her, that I miss her, how fucking sorry I am, that I want her back…”

“Some more advice?”

“Please.”

“If you want to open the lines of communication, stop talking about yourself and your relationship. All that shit is falling on dead ears and means nothing. She doesn’t care to hear it anymore. You have to see her now as just a friend, as a girl you know. Think of her as someone you’d like to be friends with, or to reconnect with. She can’t be the girl you’re trying to date. Next time you send her text, make it about something simple, something that doesn’t have anything to do with you. Something you know would make her smile if everything was okay. Something she can connect with without having to think about you or your previous relationship.”

“I can do that,” Jackson nodded. “Thanks dad.”

“Anytime son. Now, take a few days to reconnect here, go back to California and finish your year and then go to New York and get your girl back, and be prepared for the fact that you might have to move on without her.” Jughead said as he stood to leave the treehouse. “Oh, and never piss your mother off again. She might disown you.”

“Got it.”

 

 

Jackson went to pick up Ally from her dance class the next day and he smiled as he scanned the studio where Lila used to dance. Remembering well the day she’d taught him their dance and they’d ended up naked in the shower together. It had been the most thrilling moment of his life up until that point and he ached with missing her. He missed her beautiful face, her smile, her touch, her crooked glasses. Hell, he even missed her giving him shit. He was going to do everything he could to win her back because he couldn’t imagine his life without her.

He headed over to Ally’s locker while she put things in her bag and saw a picture of Lila taped to the inside of her door. 

“Where did you get this?” he asked, studying the picture of her in mid jump split. 

“Mom gave it to me. That’s at her second Juilliard audition. That’s the picture they have on the wall at the school studio. She’s my hero Jax and I want to be just like her. I’m going to get into Juilliard too.”

“Yeah you will, hon,” he said with a smile. He pulled out his phone and took a picture of the locker door and smiled down at the shot. He knew what he was going to text Lila. “Let’s get you home. I’m meeting Logan at Pop’s and I don’t want to be late because grown ups aren’t late for things.” Ally gave him a weird look and he laughed.

“Sorry, mom and dad lectures are swirling around my brain right now and if I’d remembered them a year ago, I wouldn’t be a lonely idiot right now.”

“You’re not an idiot, Jax. You just forgot to use your brain for a little bit,” she informed him. Jackson laughed and pulled her in for a hug, grabbing her bag for her.

“Come on, dancing queen, let’s get you home.”

“Dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeeeeeeen….” Ally sang as she skipped out of the locker room. Jackson chuckled as he followed her. His little sister had no idea how much she really was like Lila already.

 

 

Later that night as he lay in his old bed, after spending the evening reconnecting with his best friend, he sent Lila the photo he took of Ally’s locker with a small note.

_Ally has your Juilliard picture on her locker at the dance studio. She says you’re her hero and she wants to be just like you :)_

He stared at the screen, trying not to have any hope and when a minute later a typing bubble appeared, his heart went into overdrive as he realized Lila was responding. 

It was a simple smiling emoji and he let out a shaky breath as he grinned and put his phone away.

It was a start.


	10. All the Broken Pieces

“Oh my God, I’m so glad this year is over!” Lila sighed as she fell back on the couch. Her roommate Julie let out a laugh and flopped down on the other couch.

“I know, right? I think that’s the hardest I’ve ever worked in my life. I knew this dance program would be tough, but damn, I’m so ready for this summer. We have to go to the beach, like, a lot!”

“Well, I’m still dancing but only twice a week. I’m so freaking tired Julie, I can barely think.”

“You did really great this year, Lila. How you managed to claw your way from the bottom to the top was so amazing. You’re literally my idol.”

“Stop it,” Lila laughed. “We’re in the same class and both worked hard. I just had more to lose, I guess. It’s not fun when you’re on the verge of losing everything.”

“Well, you did good,” her friend smiled. “And I’m so happy you took me up on my offer to move in with me. I needed a roommate who took school seriously and didn’t just want to party their way through it. I can’t believe how many of the dancers still get wasted on the weekend.”

“I’ve always had a strict no alcohol rule,” Lila shrugged. “It dehydrates you and if I’m going to perform my best, my body needs to be at its best.”

“Now all we need to do is get laid,” Julie said with a sigh. Lila just smiled and said nothing. “What's sex like anyway? When I say I need to get laid, I mean as in, I never have.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah, never had a boyfriend either,” the girl sighed. “I never had time and guys from my town were freaking idiots.”

“Well, I waited until basically the end of high school before I did that as well.”

“Yeah, but at least you had a boyfriend.”

“Yeah….”

“Sorry,” Julie grimaced. “I know that’s still off limits.”

“No, it’s okay,” Lila shrugged. “He was really great and with the right person, sex, once you figure out how to go about it, is really amazing.”

“Do you still miss him?” 

“Every day and that’s the only reason I agreed to this tonight. Because I’m tired of missing him.”

“Well, I say it’s about fucking time, I’ve only been trying to get you to do this for 3 months.”

“I needed time Julie and honestly, I still don’t think I’m ready but I can’t mope around for the rest of my damn life,” Lila sighed as she pulled herself up and got off the couch. “I’m going to go get ready. Let’s get this over with, shall we?”

“My god,” Julie called after her. “You make it seem like you’re going to face the firing squad or something. You might actually have fun.”

“Let’s hope,” Lila answered as she pulled her shirt off in her room. She jumped in the shower and quickly cleaned herself before standing in front of her closet trying to figure out what to wear. She chose a pair of black skinny jeans and a white sweater as the air out was a bit chilly for the end of May. She wore minimal makeup and pulled her hair up into a ponytail and added silver hoops to her ears. It was simple and pretty and that was all she was willing to give at the moment. 

“You look great,” Julie said with a smile when she walked out into the kitchen. “Where you guys going?”

“I have no idea. Nothing fancy I hope.”

“Girl, you deserve fancy and if that’s where you end up, enjoy it.” 

“Alright,” Lila nodded, glancing at the time. She grabbed her bag and was about to head out when there was knock at the door. “Good grief," she muttered. “I specifically said I’d be in the lobby.” She slapped a smile on her face and opened the door and froze. 

“Hi Lila.” The soft husky voice that haunted her dreams almost did her in.

“Jackson?” she managed in a hoarse whisper. She gripped the door knob so hard, her hand started to hurt and she couldn’t seem to form a thought in her head except that he looked so fucking good, it took everything in her to not throw herself into his arms. As gorgeous as ever; even more so. He seemed taller, broader, his skin darker, his black hair seemed to have a few lighter streaks, no doubt from the California sun. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. 

“I’m sorry, I…I probably shouldn’t have just showed up like this,” he said quietly, suddenly looking sheepish and anxious. She hadn’t seen him in person in almost a year and hadn’t seen him in a video chat in 6 months and he quite literally took her breath away. Had he always been so hot? “Can I….can I come in?” he asked slowly. “I understand if you don’t want me to,” he quickly added.

Lila still couldn’t form words and she just stepped back and for whatever reason, let him in. He walked past her into the apartment and Julie stood in the kitchen staring at him in surprise. He nodded nervously and turned to look at Lila again and gave her that smile she remembered so well.

“You look really nice,” he said softly and she finally found her voice.

“I…I have a date,” she stammered out and watched as he swallowed and gave a small nod. She could tell he was working really hard to not show any reaction but she still saw the pain flash in his eyes but was quickly gone. Completely at a loss of what to do and still in shock, Lila turned and left the apartment, closing the door behind her.

 

Jackson stared at the closed door in surprise. She had left him in her apartment to go on a date and he had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do. She hadn’t thrown him out so was he supposed to wait? He tried to ignore the painful clench in his stomach at her saying she was going on a date and tried to remember that this was a very real possibility that he’d prepared himself for. She was dating. Of course she was. She was so fucking beautiful, more so than ever and of course she was dating. He was surprised there hadn’t been a line of guys at the door begging to take her out.

“So, you’re the _ghost_ of Lila’s past.” 

Jackson turned quickly, having forgotten for a second that he wasn’t alone. The girl, obviously her roommate, was watching him from the kitchen and he gave her an awkward smile.

“I’m sorry, I….I guess I should go…” he said lamely, suddenly feeling like an idiot.

“I can see why it took me so long to convince her to go on a date,” she said with a smirk. “You are extremely easy on the eyes.” Jackson wasn’t sure how to respond to that so he said nothing. “I’m Julie, by the way.”

“Hi Julie.”

“You should probably call next time,” she suggested. “Kind of threw her off there which I’m assuming is why she just left you standing here. Would you like something to drink?”

“No, I’m okay.”

“So, I thought you were in California," she said slowly.

“I was.”

“No shit.”

Jackson managed a small smile and just wanted to get out of there and turned to go. The fact that Lila was going on date hurt more than he thought he’d prepared for and he realized just showing up had been a stupid thing to do and now he realized he probably upset her and ruined her date and he felt like a jerk. He was about to open the door when it flew open and almost hit him and Lila stood there, looking furious. 

“Julie, do you mind giving us a bit?” she said angrily, her gaze still on Jackson. 

“Yeah, sure. Was going to head to the gym anyway.” She grabbed her bag and left and Jackson stood quietly, his hands in his pockets, feeling like he was about to get whipped and bracing for it.

“What are you doing here?” she asked after taking a steadying breath.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I should have text or something that I was coming. It was wrong to just show up like this.”

“Yes it was,” Lila snapped. 

“I thought…didn’t you have a date?” 

“Yes, I did have a date. I told him something came up because it wasn’t really fair to be going on a date and sitting there pissed off the entire time because my ex decided to just show up out of the blue.”

“I apologize.” 

“Of course you do,” she said with an eye roll. Jackson felt defeated. He really hadn’t known what to expect when he’d just decided to show up but her hostility, which he deserved completely, made his heart ache and he realized he might well be finished before he even got started.

“I shouldn’t have shown up and I really am sorry,” he said quietly. “Of course you’re dating and I should have known that. I mean, you’re so….God, you’re so beautiful….of course you wouldn’t be alone and…..I’m going to go….” Jackson hated how pathetic he sounded, how his voice shook and cracked but it was so hard to stand in front of her and not wrap her in his arms. He ached with wanting to touch her because he had missed her so much and it was a pain inside him that he was well used to. He turned to go.

“Why are you in New York?” she asked as he was about to open the door and he stopped and turned to look at her. She didn’t look so furious anymore, in fact she looked like she might cry and he hated himself for it.

“I got here a couple of weeks ago,” he answered. “I’m registered at NYU for the fall and I’ve been looking for a place to live.”

“Oh,” she said, her voice sounding small. “I thought….I guess I thought you might stay out in California,” Lila said quietly.

“The plan was always to only spend the year there and then come home. There’s nothing for me in Cali,” Jackson explained. “My home is here.” She said nothing and he spent a few moments just drinking her in with his eyes before letting out a soft sigh. “I’m going to go,” he said softly. “I’m really sorry I ruined your date.” Once again he turned to go and once again she stopped him.

“It was my first one,” she said. 

“What?” he asked in confusion as he turned back, not understanding.

“My first date,” Lila said. “Since we broke up.”

“Oh…”

“Julie finally convinced me I needed to get out there because I spent the last six months working my ass off so I could show my instructor that I wasn’t a complete failure and really, I just couldn’t bring myself to date anyone. But now I thought I was ready. I was ready to get out there and move on and date, mostly to get her off my back but I figured, just dive back in, at some point I was going to have to. Now here you are, showing up the day of my first fucking date and ruining everything!”

“I didn’t mean to…”

“Oh you never fucking mean to!” she yelled and he let out a painful breath and lowered his head. “I want to know, Jackson, why you came here. And don’t give me some bullshit like you wanted to see me or whatever. I want to know exactly what your plans are now that you’re here in New York.” He looked at her and decided to be completely honest and to hide nothing from her.

“I wanted to see if there was any chance for me to get my girl back. To make up for being a complete and utter moron who fucked up so badly that the person I loved the most didn’t want to be with me anymore. I wanted to know if there was any way you’d be able to forgive me for what I did and if some part of you still loved me because I need you to know that I still love you, I have always loved you and I will always love you and if there is even a small tiny chance that you might forgive me or want me back, I wanted to tell you that I’m going to work hard to prove to you that you’re the most important thing in the world to me and I want to make it up to you in any way I can,” Jackson said emphatically. “I haven’t been with anybody since you and I don’t want to be with anybody and I want you to know that if there is even a tiny chance that we can be together again, I don’t even care when, I’m going to wait for you. If you want to date and see if there is someone better, that’s completely your right but I’m still going to wait because I love you and I always will.”

Lila stared at him in surprise and she shook her head. He stepped toward her and she stepped back and shook her head.

“Don’t!” she snapped and he stopped, feeling his heart begin to hurt again. He honestly thought he’d worked up enough courage and strength to face her and possibly get shut down but the fact that she looked like she wanted to kill him made him want to cry. “You know what I hate, Jax?” she asked suddenly.

“Me?” he offered quietly.

“Your stupid fucking shoes.”

“What?” he asked in confusion, looking down at his shoes and then back at her. 

“I hate your shoes. You’ve been wearing the same damn shoes for four years and after almost a year of not seeing you, I can’t believe you’re still wearing them.”

“I’m…” Jackson started to say something and then couldn’t think of a proper response.

“And your t-shirts,” she snapped. “Your ratty fucking t-shirts that always have holes in them and make you look like you’re homeless instead of a trust fund kid.” Jackson raised an eyebrow and looked down and sure enough, there was a couple holes near the hem of the t-shirt he wore and he suddenly wished he’d taken more care to look good for her. “And your hair. I hate your hair!”

“What’s wrong with my hair?”

“It’s perfect!” Lila yelled. “It’s never in place and you’re always running your hands through it trying to tame the mop and yet, no matter what you do, it looks perfect and soft and amazing.”

“Yours is perfect too,” he said softly.

“Oh shut up,” she fumed. “Don’t talk right now because I hate your voice too. That soft tone you always use that makes my heart race and god dammit, I haven’t heard it in six months and it’s still arousing as fuck.” Jackson felt the painful squeeze on his heart ease and he felt a smile play at his lips and she glared at him, her fists clenching at her sides. “Don’t smile!” 

He stopped immediately. “Do you hate anything else?” he asked quietly.

“I hate how good you look!” Jackson didn’t know how he was supposed to react because she was genuinely angry but her words made him feel hope roar to life inside him and he was desperately working not to show it. “You always look so damn good and it’s infuriating. You show up at my door months after we broke up, after I finally got to a place where I wasn’t missing you every second of every day and I see you and the only thing I could make my brain think was how ridiculously good you looked and after all that’s happened, it took only a second for me to want to throw myself into your arms and never let you go and that pisses me off!”

“Lila…” he began and she talked right over him.

“I hate how much I missed you and how much I still miss you. I hate how much I want to touch you. I hate how after everything that happened, I take one look at you and I forget everything and fall for you all over again. I hate how six months after dumping you, I’m still so fucking in love with you that I can barely breathe when you’re in front of me. I hate that all it took for me to realize this is you showing up.” Lila had tears running down her face and Jackson wanted more than anything to take her in his arms but he didn’t move. She might be yelling about how much she loved him but he could see that it really was infuriating to her.

“Can we just…”

“No,” she snapped. “We can’t do anything. I want you to go.” 

“Lila…”

“Get out.”

“Okay,” he said quietly. He hadn’t meant for her to get this upset and it hurt his heart to see her cry and he was going to do what she wanted. He turned to go.

“Jax,” she whispered. He let out a slow breath and rested his forehead against the door for a moment, feeling her pain and his own tears sting his eyes. He turned to look at her. “I really hate how much I want you to hold me.” He felt like he couldn’t breathe and he dared to take a hesitant step toward her and she ran to him. He caught her against him and she sobbed against his neck, her arms coming around him and holding him as tightly as he was holding her. He had no idea how long they held each other, how long they both cried but the feel of her once again in his arms was overwhelming and healing. It felt like a beginning he hadn’t dared to hope for. When she finally pulled away, he held her gaze as she took a step back and he immediately missed her touch.

“I’ve missed you,” he said softly. “I didn’t come here expecting anything, Lila. I really didn’t. I didn’t even mean to say all that stuff I said earlier. Not yet anyway. I just wanted to let you know I was in New York and wanted to know if maybe we could have coffee some time, or even if I could text you on a regular basis. I was hoping, after everything that maybe we could start over. That we could be friends.”

“You want to be friends?” 

“If that’s how I get to have you in my life, then yes. I’ll take it.”

“I don’t know, Jax,” she said tearfully. “I really thought I might be able to start moving on and I figured if I ever saw you again it wouldn’t be hard, but I’m just…..I feel like I just took a thousand steps backwards."

It was a hard blow. He had felt like it was a new beginning and she felt like she was going backwards and any hope he had suddenly crumbled and he realized if he didn’t get out of there he might start sobbing like a fucking baby. 

“I need to go,” he managed to get out and he turned quickly and grabbed for the door knob. She didn’t say anything as he practically ran out the door, leaving his heart in pieces on her floor.

 

Lila bit her lip to keep from crying again as she stared at the door he had run through. The pain she’d seen in his eyes as his face had crumpled at her words. She’d said she felt like she was going backwards and her heart broke as she watched the flicker of hope in his eyes disappear. She should have felt happy that he seemed as heartbroken as she’d felt all those months ago but she remembered how that had felt and even though it had been his fault, she didn’t want him to feel that kind of pain. Not anymore. The breakup hadn’t been easy on him either, no matter where the fault lay. She remembered how he had cried and how she’d almost given in. 

When she’d been home over spring break a couple months ago, she’d run into Logan at Pop’s and he’d told her how Jackson had come home to recharge for a bit and how heartbroken he’d been over their breakup. How he had told Logan how much he’d still loved her. 

Lila went into her room and curled up on the bed. Wrapping her arms around herself, she longed to be back in his. They had felt as amazing as they always did. Warm and strong and she realized she had been lying to herself. She wasn’t over him. She wasn’t ready to move on. She still missed him with every breath. She had done well without him because she wasn’t expecting calls and messages and relationship. It had been sad and hard but it had been easier to not have any worry about maintaining a relationship and she’d been able to throw herself into her dancing and had excelled. Now he was here and fully prepared to fight for her, for them and she didn’t know if she was ready.

Could they be friends? How could they be friends when just being in the same room with him made her want to jump all over him. Dear God, he looked good. The last time they had been in the same room together they’d spent all night making love because she was leaving and now she had so many mixed feelings but the most prominent one was suddenly how she really wanted to take his clothes off. But could she trust him? If they got back together, would she be a priority? 

“Dammit, Jax,” she whispered. She grabbed her phone and went into her messages and she looked at the small collection she had from the past few months. When he’d sent that message a few months ago about Ally having her picture on her locker door, it had made her smile and she’d sent the emoji because for the first time it hadn’t been a long text of things she hadn’t wanted to hear and it was a relief to smile and not feel sad. There had been a few more since then, always something nice that he seemed to know would make her smile and it always had. She had always just replied with an emoji and she realized that she hadn’t actually sent him any words in 6 months.

“Lila?” She looked up and saw Julie opening the door a crack and peeking in. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” she sighed sadly, sitting up on the bed. Her friend came in and walked over, sitting in front of her.

“So, that was unexpected,” she said slowly. “Did you throw him out?”

“I yelled at him first and told him I hated his shoes.” Julie raised an eyebrow in confusion. “It was a whole thing,” Lila sighed.

“So….he’s like stupidly good looking,” her friend observed casually. “Like, your pictures don’t do him justice at all.”

“You don’t need to tell me that. Believe me, I know,” Lila said in a huff. “Now imagine yourself at 16, the school nerd that people picked on, from the wrong side of the tracks, had no friends, just basically the school loner and loser and the hottest, richest, most popular guy in school asks you on a date and wants you to be his girl.”

“Well, I can’t imagine that because it doesn’t happen in real life, so explain to me how it happened in yours?”

“He had liked me for two years already at that point because he thought I was smart and pretty. Jackson has had a thing for me since I was 14 years old,” Lila said softly. “I should add, not only was he the hottest, and most popular guy, he was so incredibly kind and sweet and amazing….and I fell in love with him immediately.”

“And clearly, you still love him,” Julie said quietly. Lila only nodded, tears filling her eyes and her friend wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close. “You’ll figure it out,” she said. “He’s clearly still in love with you too and I feel like something good could come of this if you can find it in yourself to try again.”

“It was so hard to see him. All I….all I wanted was for him to…was for him to hold me,” Lila hiccupped out as she started to cry. 

“Oh hon,” Julie whispered, hugging her tight. 

“Thanks Julie,” Lila sighed after a while. “If you don’t mind, I’d just like to be alone now.” Her roommate left and she lay on the bed, clutching her phone and thinking about Jackson and how tight he’d held her. She had felt him trembling and she hadn’t been any better and she wanted to rewind a little and hold him a some more. She thought she’d been in a place where she could move on but it was clear she wasn’t anywhere close to that and Lila didn’t know if she would ever be. She pulled his number up on her phone and sent him a text.

_Maybe sometime this summer we could have coffee_

His simple ok made her heart ache. She felt like she was kicking a puppy and sighed as she put the phone away. 

 

 

Jackson let himself into his apartment that he shared with Logan and threw his keys on the desk beside the door, kicking off his shoes and throwing them into the closet. He decided in the morning he was going to burn them. 

“So, you look a little irritated,” Logan observed from the couch where he was watching TV and eating a bowl of cereal. 

“I need new shoes,” he muttered as he flopped down on the couch. 

“What’s wrong with your shoes?” 

“Lila hates them.” 

Logan slowly lowered his spoon and looked at him. 

“What?” 

“She hates my fucking shoes,” Jackson informed him. “And my t-shirts. And I think I need a haircut.” Logan furrowed his brow and tilted his head while he studied him. 

“Have you been drinking?” 

“Nope. Went to see Lila. You know, because I’m really fucking good at just fucking up her life and plans by being a dick.” 

“And she told you she hates your shoes, t-shirts and hair?” Logan asked in confusion. 

“Yup. Oh, let’s not forget that she hates that she still loves me. That was my favorite one.” 

“So, we’ve established you still love her, like a while ago.....” Logan began. 

“No fucking shit,” Jackson snapped. 

“And Lila said she still loves you?” 

“Yes, but hates it. That was fun to hear.” 

Logan sighed and put his food down. “Jackson, would you get your head out of your ass? Who fucking cares if she hates it? That’s not important. What’s important is, she still loves you. Focus on that. Are you going to see her again?” 

“Well, she did send me a text a bit ago, first one since we broke up. She’d like to have coffee some time this summer,” Jackson mentioned. 

“Well, that’s good, right?” 

“I don’t know if she just sent that to make me feel better or if she really means it.” 

“Guess you’ll have to wait and see,” Logan shrugged. 

“Yeah,” Jackson sighed as he got up. “I’m going to bed.” Logan watched him disappear into his room and picked up his cereal again and shook his head. 

“Idiots,” he muttered. 

 

 

“Lila, if I don’t find a boyfriend soon, I’m going to try women,” Julie sighed as they walked down the street sipping on shakes after a day of shopping. Lila choked as she laughed, spitting some of her shake and having to wipe her mouth. 

“Good grief,” she laughed. “Are things that grim that you’re going to switch sides?” 

“Yes, they really are.” 

“It’s New York City, Julie, there are millions of people here. Surely there’s a guy for you. What was wrong with the one from the other day?” 

“He smelled like cheese,” the other girl sighed and Lila laughed again. “I’m here trying to pick from whatever weirdos come up to me and you’re turning down dates because you’re hung up on your hot ex boyfriend who you can’t seem to decide if you want to even be friends with. You’ve known he’s in New York for a month already Lila and you’ve been moping around like an idiot every since and it’s getting sad. If you want to see him, just see him.” 

“It’s not that simple,” Lila groaned, sitting down on a street bench they came across. “We have so much history and it’s just….he’s the love of my life and I don’t think I can just be friends with him.” 

“So then date him again.” 

“I can’t just date him again,” Lila said, rolling her eyes. 

“Why not?” 

“It’s complicated.” 

“How?” 

“He broke my heart!” she practically yelled. 

“His heart is broken too,” Julie said with a shrug. “I remember what you told me when he came to see you. His speech about waiting for you. Do you think he’s really not dating and waiting for you? I mean, he hasn’t even text you since then. If he is waiting, that’s pretty amazing. I mean, the guy is hot as hell and can probably pick any girl he wanted and he’s sitting around waiting for you….” 

“Why does it sound like you’re accusing me of something?” Lila asked with a frown. 

“Ummm because he’s literally the hottest guy in New York from what I’ve seen and he’s off limits because he’s hung up on you and you’re not interested. I mean, that’s just mean. It’s mean to all us single girls.” 

“Stop being annoying,” Lila sighed and Julie laughed. “And I never said I wasn’t interested.” 

“Then what is it?” 

“I’m scared,” Lila admitted. 

“I don’t know why,” Julie said softly. “I know he hurt you Lila and you guys went through some stuff but it didn’t happen because he didn’t love you, he was just an idiot who took you for granted. He clearly still loves you and wants to be with you and something tells me that he won’t be fucking that up again.” 

“How do you figure?” 

“Because he’d be dating and moving on if this wasn’t important to him and he wouldn’t have a hard time finding a willing girl, trust me.” 

“Why do you say it like that? Like you know something?” 

“I might…” Julie shrugged. Lila furrowed her brow in confusion. 

“Tell me.” 

“Okay, my cousin goes to NYU and she met him at one of those things they have there at the end of the year where new students come check things out. Jackson and her boyfriend were hanging out because apparently they met while he was on vacation out in California over spring break. Her friend that was tagging along got all hot and bothered for Jackson and her boyfriend told her that he was 100% not available because he was in love with someone,” Julie explained. “My cousin of course got curious and asked questions and her boyfriend said that while out in Cali, they hung out at the beach a lot and he said there was this blonde girl who was always trying to get in his pants and he rebuffed her and every other girl at every turn and when he asked why he wasn’t taking advantage, Jackson had simply said that his heart belonged to someone else and she was the only girl he wanted to touch.” 

“What the hell? How long have you sat on this bit of information?” 

“Like a week. I didn’t want to tell you because you’re so confused about all this but you just need to know, that boy is gone for you and he’s not moving on and maybe it’s time you stopped letting your fear hold you back. Either that or tell him there is no chance ever and he needs to get on with his life without you. Otherwise, well frankly, it’s just mean.” 

“I hate you right now,” Lila muttered. “And that blonde in California was probably his friend Chrissy,” she said with an eye roll. “She always had the hots for him.” 

“Well, he didn’t reciprocate,” Julie said as they got up and kept walking. “By the way, we’re going to Johnny’s party tonight.” 

“Julie…” 

“Shut up, we’re going. I refuse to let you mope around.” 

 

 

Lila spent most of the party on the balcony off the living room as she had never been a party girl. It was always the same thing; idiots getting drunk and hooking up and every party she’d ever gone to, her and Jackson had found a quiet corner to either talk or make out if they weren’t skipping out early. She let out a quiet laugh. They really had been a bit boring in their teens, acting more like adults then when they actually were adults. 

“Hey Lila,” a voice said behind her and she turned in surprise to see Logan standing there. 

“Hi,” she gushed with a smile, moving in to hug him. He gave her a squeeze and stepped back. 

“I see you’re still avoiding the crowd like you always did,” he chuckled. 

“Yeah, not really my scene. So what are you doing here? I didn’t know you were in New York.” 

“I’m enrolled in the Engineering program at NYU,” he said, leaning against the railing. “I moved in with Jax a few weeks ago.” 

“Oh,” she said softly and then hated herself as she couldn’t help but start to look around. 

“He isn’t here,” Logan said softly. 

“Oh.” This one came out more of a whisper and she winced, feeling like an idiot. 

“He doesn’t really go out much, if at all,” he said with a laugh. “He reads a lot and works out. He also took a job at a book store near where we live. Fine Print Books. Gives him something to do.” 

“That’s good,” Lila said quietly. Logan studied her for a moment and she let out a shaky breath under his perusal. 

“He really misses you.” 

“I miss him too,” she whispered. 

“You know, I never thought this would happen to you guys,” he said sadly. “You guys were it, you know? What we all wanted in high school. To find that person so early in the game. I know he screwed up, Lila, but it’s hard watching him. I’ve actually been trying to convince him to just move on….” She looked at him and felt tears sting her eyes. “I know you guys love each other, but this, what you’re both doing? It doesn’t make sense. Honestly, I don’t think it’s healthy and I don’t even know what the hell a healthy relationship is, but I knew it isn’t this. You both deserve better. If it’s not with each other, then you both need to move on,” he said quietly. Lila didn’t know what to say and he gave her a small smile and rejoined the party. 

 

 

Later that night she lay in bed staring at a picture of Jackson on her phone. She had long ago deleted any videos of him so she would stop torturing herself by listening to them over and over and crying and now she wished she’d kept one. She chewed her lip for a moment, trying to work up the courage and convince herself to just send a text. She was nervous. She hadn’t send anything but an emoji in months and it felt like learning to walk again. Finally, after rolling her eyes at herself for being over dramatic, she quickly typed out what she was feeling and hit send. 

_I miss you._ She glanced at the time and saw it was almost 1:30 in the morning and figured he was probably asleep but then to her surprise, the chat bubbles appeared. 

**I miss you too.**

_I’m sorry, Jax._

**For what?**

_For how it went when you came to see me. For all the things I yelled. For holding you tight and then hurting you._

**You don’t need to be sorry, Lila. You had things to say and it was your right to say them.**

_ok_

She didn’t know what else to say and he didn’t seem to know either. He finally replied after a few minutes. 

**sleep well**

Lila didn’t reply because she was so overcome with sadness that it was hard to breathe. She didn’t want this. She didn’t want to talk to him like he was a stranger. They knew everything about each other and they didn’t need to start over because they were already established but she didn’t know how to move forward. 

 

The following Monday, she found herself standing in front of the bookstore he worked at and she took a few moments to collect herself before she walked in. She spotted him right away, helping a customer and felt a warmth spread through her. He was smiling and seemed relaxed and it made her happy. He made his way back to the service counter and she moved to stand in front of him and he looked up and stared at her in surprise. 

“Hey,” he said softly, a hesitant yet joyful smile spreading on his face. She couldn’t help but smile back. 

“Hi.” 

“It’s good to see you.” 

“You too,” she breathed and she really meant it. 

“What brings you here?” he asked slowly. 

“I was…umm….i was wondering if you maybe wanted to grab lunch? I was in the neighbourhood and I….okay that’s a lie, I wasn’t in the neighbourhood, but Logan told me you worked here and I….” she trailed off in embarrassment. 

“I’d love to have lunch,” he said quickly. “My shift is over in twenty minutes. Can you wait?” She nodded quickly and he smiled at her and went to help a customer. 

 

“So you did alright with the rest of your year in Cali?” Lila asked later as they walked the boardwalk along the beach. It figured that Jackson would choose to live near the water. 

“Yeah, back at the top again. I worked hard and it paid off.” 

“I’m proud of you,” she smiled. “I worked really hard too and in the end it all worked out.” Jackson paused and leaned against the railing and stared out over the water. 

“Why didn’t you tell me how it was going at school?” he asked softly. 

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Lila said quietly. “I don’t want to think about the beginning of the year.” Jackson nodded and took a sip of the drink he carried. “I wish this wasn’t so hard,” she whispered after a while as she leaned next to him. “I saw Logan the other day at a party.” 

“He told me.” 

“He told me to let you move on,” she said, her voice quivering. “That I should move on.” 

“Yeah, he mentioned….” Jackson said quietly, staring at his cup. It almost seemed to Lila that that’s what he was expecting her to do and was bracing himself for it. He turned and pulled himself up on the rail and met her gaze, a steely determination in his eyes that he was going to respect whatever she said. 

“I don’t want to move on,” she admitted. The look of surprise that took over his face almost made her laugh but she found herself tearing up instead. She moved and stood right in front of him, only inches away from being between his spread legs, where she could lean against him and be in his arms. “Do you…do you think maybe we could start hanging out? Like start over as friends?” she asked nervously. 

“I would love that,” he rushed out. She nodded and let out a relieved breath. “Lila….can I….I need to say something. Something that you’ve heard a million times but I really need to say it to you in person and then I won’t say it again.” 

“Okay…” she said quietly, looking down. Her heart started to race when his finger nudged her chin up to look at him. 

“I’m sorry Lila. From the bottom of my heart, from every part of me, I am so incredibly sorry for how I hurt you. I can’t believe that I did that to someone that I love so fucking much and I do love you Lila. I never stopped, not for one second. You have been my heart since I was 14 years old and I can’t believe that I let myself take you for granted and that I acted in a way that made you leave me. I never ever thought I’d lose you and when I did, my whole world fell apart,” Jackson said, his eyes filling with tears. “I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself knowing that you were so hurt because of me. I never….I never meant to hurt you….” He whispered, his voice breaking. “I never meant to, Lila and I’m so so sorry. I will spend my life making this right and making it up to you and proving to you that I’m not that guy. I hope that some day you can forgive me and I would love nothing more than to start over. Just a short time ago you were the love of my life, my girl, my partner, my lover and then I screwed it all up and that fact that you are willing to take that step, to start over, I would be honored, Lila…I would be honored to call you my friend because you are the best person I know.” 

Lila couldn’t stop the tears that ran down her cheeks and she moved in and wrapped her arms around him. She felt his deep sigh of relief and his own arms came around her, his face buried in her hair as he held her tight. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. 

“I forgive you, Jax,” she said tearfully and his arms tightened, holding her so close. 

It was a new beginning. 

When she pulled back they were both smiling and she bit her lip and looked at him almost shyly. 

“How about on Friday? You could come over and we could watch a movie? Say 8:00?” she suggested. 

“I’ll be there,” he smiled. Her heart was racing just like it had the very first time they had made date plans and she suddenly felt 16 again. 

 

 

They sent friendly texts back and forth all week to ease back into talking and it surprised her how quickly they fell into their old routine of jokes and digs and making fun of each other over the silliest things. It was comfortable, it was familiar and it was exactly what she’d missed so much. On Friday afternoon she got a text from him. 

**What does one wear to hang out?**

_Jeans and a t-shirt, you dork._

She giggled that he seemed to be having a problem picking something to wear just to hang and she took a selfie of herself and sent it. I’m wearing this. Her _this_ consisting of a pair of short cut-offs and a little t-shirt that left an inch of skin peeking out at her mid drift. It was flirty and fun and while it probably wasn’t fair on her part, the old Lila was struggling to get out and she missed teasing him. 

**That’s nice, you look good. You look very good.** he replied and she flushed. 

_Thank you._

 

It surprised them both how easily they fell into a routine. Hanging out a couple of times a week, a lot of texting. More than they ever had if she was going to be honest. Jackson was keeping it strictly friendly and not making any indication he wanted more. In fact, it was as if he was actively trying not to even touch her and that made it all the more thrilling when his arm or leg would brush against her, leaving a patch of heat. It hadn’t taken her long to realize that being friends with Jackson was damn near impossible because from the first evening of them sitting on the couch and pretending to casually watch a movie she had wanted to throw herself at him. She fairly ached with wanting to climb him like a tree. 

 

Jackson was in much the same condition. Every moment he spent with her, he only wanted her more. Being close to her and not having it be like it had always been. When it was normal to pull her close, her settling in his lap, stolen kisses, hugs, a closeness that came with relationship. The fact that he couldn’t do any of those things made for some very frustrating nights as he’d lie in bed, aroused and aching for her after spending the evening with her. It didn’t matter how much he wanted her, he was determined to be her friend and not make any sort of move unless she did. 

He found himself knocking at her door one Sunday afternoon, not a day they usually got together, but he’d woken up missing her so much that he’d just made his way over before he gave it a second thought. Julie answered the door and smiled at him. 

“Hey Julie,” he said with a smile of his own. 

“Jackson Jones,” she replied as she looked him up and down. “What brings you around?” 

“Lila…obviously,” he said with a laugh and a shrug. 

“Ah yes, the girl who’s been dancing around with you all summer. She’s actually up on the roof. The red door on the end will take you up there.” He nodded and headed down the hall. 

Jackson found her on the roof deck, practicing some of her dance moves and he leaned against the roof door frame and watched her for a few minutes. She was lost in her movements, her black sundress flowing around her as she twirled around the deck. She was so beautiful, it made his heart hurt. 

“You look amazing,” he said softly when she paused and took a breath. Lila jumped and turned to him, her hand on her chest. 

“God, you scared me,” she exclaimed, breathing heavy. 

“Sorry,” he chuckled, pulling away from the door and walking over to her. “You really looked incredible. Your dancing is beautiful. I have no doubt you’ll be traveling the world one day in a famous dance troupe.” 

“You think so?” she asked with a smile, grabbing her water bottle and taking a sip. 

“Absolutely,” he said firmly. “Remember in February when I sent you that picture of Ally’s locker? I was in the studio where you taught me that dance a few years ago and it made me smile,” he admitted. “Hardest I’d ever worked in my life, trying to dance with you.” 

“Well, you seem pretty fit and strong,” she observed, her eyes wandering over his body, lingering on his arms that were exposed by his tight tank top. She tried not to make it obvious that she found him hot and arousing as fuck. “Do you still remember the dance?” she asked. Jackson smiled and stepped closer, taking her hand and giving her a twirl. 

“Let’s find out?” he suggested. He moved to the center of the cleared area and waited for her to begin. Lila grinned and started to dance, twirling around the roof and he got himself ready as she danced in front of him and in that move she taught him, he grabbed her arm and pulled her up from a low position and dropped her. She seemed to float down in front of him and he stepped in and caught her just as she was about to hit the deck. He paused for a moment as she went limp, her back arching, her head dropping back, her arms extended past her head and then he shifted so his thigh was between her legs and his hands settled on her waist as he slowly pulled her up, his nose brushing up her torso and skimming between her breasts as her hands came up and slowly slid through his hair. Their faces were only inches apart and he couldn’t help but drop his gaze to her mouth. He ached to kiss it, to taste it again and then he remembered there was one more move. 

He let his hand move over her hip and down to her thigh, grasping it and slowly pulling her leg up so it rested against his hip which made her core rest directly against him. He’d never worked so hard in his entire life to keep his body from getting aroused. She was breathing heavy, her eyes locked with his and he felt her fingers curl in his hair, clenching lightly. 

“That’s about it, right?” he asked, his voice husky and breathless. 

“I remember it ending a little differently,” she whispered, her eyes fastened on his mouth. Jackson felt his gut clench and he let out a slow breath. That night had run through his mind so often since it happened, there wasn’t anything about it that he didn’t remember. He’d been wanting to kiss her for weeks and the fact that she was basically inviting him to do it was an invitation he couldn’t refuse. He kept his gaze locked with hers as he slowly bent her back again and dipped his head, brushing her lips with his. She couldn’t help the eager whimper that left her mouth and he slowly pulled her back up as he gently kissed her again. Her grip in his hair tightened and his hand slowly came up to rest against her neck as he pressed a little more firmly, taking a few moments to let his lips move over hers in a slow sweet kiss and when he felt himself wanting to go deeper, heavier, he pulled back and noticed how her mouth wanted to follow but she stopped with a shaky sigh. 

“You remember,” she breathed in an attempt to hide the fact that she wanted to rip his clothes off and fuck him right then and there. Jackson could feel the slight tremor of her body and he wanted so desperately to kiss her again that he had to force himself to step back. He didn’t miss the flash of disappointment in her eyes as they separated. 

“I remember everything,” he said softly. He watched her take a steadying breath and it made him feel better that she was as affected by him as he was by her. “So anyway,” he said quickly, trying to ease the tension. “I woke up and I missed you and thought we could hang out.” 

“Oh…okay,” she said with a smile. “You want to go grab some ice cream?” 

“I’d love that,” he said softly and they left the roof pretending they weren’t reeling from what had just transpired. 

 

 

That’s how they spent the summer. Hanging out, either with each other or with Logan and Julie and being friends. In truth, it was driving Lila crazy. He hadn’t tried to kiss her again and it was all she could think about. She spent almost every night gasping his name with her hand between her legs and as time went on she started throwing out subtle hints, touching him, showing skin, giving him hugs when he’d leave. She hated it. She wanted more. She wanted what they’d once had, when they were each other’s everything. She knew he was going slow on purpose, refusing to push or ask for anything, letting her guide their relationship and he was a perfect gentleman. He was never late for anything, he replied to calls and texts immediately, he would literally do anything she asked, just to spend time with her and prove that he wasn’t going to take her for granted again. 

School was set to begin again in a couple weeks and Lila didn’t want to throw herself into dancing without knowing what it was they were doing. Their time was going to be a little less once it started and she needed to know what their relationship was. In truth, she wanted to be his girlfriend again. She wanted a commitment. She wanted to go on a damn date! One Wednesday afternoon as he pulled himself off the couch to go home, she lost her cool. 

“Will you just ask me out on a freaking date already!” she snapped and then covered her face with her hands in mortification. “Shit,” she muttered, feeling like an idiot. He stared at her in surprise. 

“What?” 

“Ask me on a date, Jackson! I know you want to and this hanging out and pretending we aren’t hot for each other is getting old. I’ve been throwing out hints left and right and either you’re ignoring them or I really suck at signal throwing.” 

“You want to go on a real date?” he asked, his eyes filling with hope and happiness. 

“Pick me up at 8:00 on Friday,” she huffed and then quickly went to hide in her room. She felt like an idiot but she was done messing around. It was time to take the leap and figure out what they were doing. She heard him leave and a few minutes later her phone buzzed and she grabbed it and saw a text from Jax. 

**Wear a pretty dress.**

_Don’t tell me what to do._ she fired back and his wink emoji reply made her stomach flutter and she smiled happily. 

 

 

Friday night, at 8:00 sharp there was a knock at the door and Lila nervously smoothed her sundress and glanced in the mirror one last time. She had left her hair down because she knew he loved it like that and she opted for her glasses over contacts because for whatever weird reason, he’d always loved those too. She went to open the door and gasped in surprise. Jackson was holding flowers and wearing a suit jacket over a button shirt with dark jeans. He looked amazing. 

“You look….wow you look beautiful,” he exclaimed as his eyes ran over her. 

“You look good too,” she gushed. “I wasn’t expecting….all that.” He flushed as he shifted nervously on his feet. 

“Well, I wanted to make sure I don’t look like a homeless trust fund kid,” he said softly and she went still for a moment remembering her rant when he’d first shown up three months prior and then much to her embarrassment, burst into tears. “I was kidding,” he gasped. “Shit, I’m sorry.” She shook her head and to his surprise, threw her arms around his neck and held tight. He quickly backed them through the door and closed it, the flowers falling to the floor as he held her against him. Then she was kissing him and his knees almost buckled. Her mouth was hot and eager and he could barely keep up as she all but devoured him. When she finally pulled away, he could hardly catch his breath. 

“Lila?” 

She grabbed his face and kissed him again and every past instinct kicked in and his hands grabbed her hips and pulled her against him, her legs coming up and wrapping around him as he slid his tongue into her mouth, groaning at the taste that he remembered so well. Pure, sweet, completely Lila. 

“I made reservations,” he gasped when she pulled away and ran her tongue along his jaw to his ear, biting at the lobe before sucking on it. 

“Bed,” was all she said as she pressed against him. Jackson wasn’t about to argue, his body already painfully hard in his jeans. He walked them down the hall and opened the first door and walked in, backing her against the dresser and depositing her on it. She came up for air and glanced around. 

“No, this is Julie’s room,” she gasped before she dove back in. 

“Fuck,” he muttered, picking her up again and knocking a few things down in the process. He didn’t care as he stumbled around looking for her room, which thankfully he found across the hall. She slid to the floor, her hands shoving and pulling at his clothes, her mouth finding his again and again and Jackson felt like he was spinning. Was this a good idea? He didn’t care. All he could think about was burying himself inside her, feeling her wrapped around him once again. 

Lila got his shirt and jacket off and let out a groan as her hands moved over his bare torso. He was stronger than he’d been, more filled out. A man in every sense and she could feel the moisture gather between her legs. The ache was almost unbearable. She pulled him in for a kiss again because, holy shit, she had missed his mouth. Warm and soft, wet and hot, his tongue tangling with hers and she swore she was going to orgasm just from that. It had been way to fucking long. 

“Lila….wait…” Jackson gasped when he was able to come up for air. “Baby, wait…” The baby did her in. She bit his neck as her hands wrestled with his belt buckle, suddenly so desperate to feel him, she almost started to cry. “Should we talk first?” he groaned. “Fuck.” Her hand wrapped around him and he almost spilled right there. 

“Jackson please,” she whimpered. “It’s been a year. I need you to fuck me.” 

“Bloody hell,” he groaned, unable to deny her as he picked her up and almost threw her on the bed. She pulled her dress up and over her head and he stood and looked down at her, his chest heaving as his eyes raked her, growing dark with need. “How are you more beautiful?” he asked, almost in awe. She wasn’t wearing a bra and her body was amazing. Her breasts seemed fuller, her waist tiny, her abs firm, the rest of her toned and sleek. The body of a dancer and he couldn’t wait until it was wrapped all around him. 

Jackson let his jeans drop and he moved over her, settling between her legs and taking her mouth in a thorough, sensual kiss. She moaned and arched up against him, rubbing her core against his very hard, very prominent erection. She couldn’t get enough, wanted to devour him and she pushed against his chest and he immediately moved back, thinking she wanted to stop and she just kept pushing until he rolled onto his back and she scrambled to straddle him, shifting so he was pressed directly to her core. She moved her hips and smiled at his strangled groan. 

Jackson looked at her, sitting on top of him, so damn beautiful, smiling down at him, he almost forgot to breathe. He lifted against her and smiled at the small moan that escaped her. He felt her heat through his boxers as she leaned down and braced her hands on the bed, brushing her breasts over his chest, her mouth over his, her hips moving, cuddling him, stroking him. 

“Lila,” he groaned and she bit his ear as he grabbed her hips and forced her harder against him, dragging a ragged groan from her lips. Lila pulled away from his grip and kissed her way down his body. God, he was beautiful. Strong and hard and warm. She reached his stomach and watched as his muscles shivered when she licked her tongue over them. She reached his boxers and sat back and smiled at him as she slowly pulled them down. She looked at him and felt her breath leave her lungs. Was he bigger? God, she hoped so. She wanted to feel the burn of him stretching her and after a year of not having sex, she knew that’s exactly what she’d get. 

Jackson fought for control as she all but eye fucked him and he really couldn’t help that his arousal started dripping from him as she stared at him like she wanted to devour him. Lila ran her thumb over his tip and lifted it to her mouth, smiling as she licked it clean and he was on the verge of coming without being inside her. “Shit,” he groaned. He didn’t know if he’d ever been this aroused. She was a vision, straddling his hips while he was lay naked, completely at her mercy. 

When she wrapped her hand around him, he shuddered, swallowing as he watched her. Holding his gaze, she slowly lowered her head. He felt her tongue touch him and forgot to breathe. When her mouth wrapped around him he couldn’t stop the groan that left his lips as she grew bolder, tasting and licking and pulling him deep. 

“Fuck,” he groaned, his hands clenching in her hair. She used her hand with her mouth, moving over him, her head bobbing up and down. When he looked and saw her eyes looking at him as she dragged her tongue from base to tip, he felt himself start to unravel. He quickly grabbed her and pulled her up. She moaned in protest, shaking her head at him. 

“No, I want to taste you,” she demanded, pulling away from him. “I’m so tired of wanting you and not having you,” she whimpered and he had no fight in him as she hurried back down, taking him in her mouth again. 

“Lila,” he growled. “Baby, I’m about to come,” he gasped. She dug her nails into his hips and sucked him deep and he stiffened and let out a guttural groan as he spilled into her mouth without warning. “Shit,” he gasped, his hand clenching in her hair, trying to pull her off as he came. She held fast, taking him deep as he finished and he lifted his hips, pushing deeper until he sank back into the sheets, gasping for breath. “Fuck,” he whispered. 

She kept kissing him, her mouth moving over his stomach and up to his chest, her teeth sinking in lightly and he grabbed her and rolled her onto her back, settling between her thighs as he took her mouth in a thorough kiss. She was aroused and hot all over and she squirmed against him, trying to get closer. He braced on his hands and lifted his head, staring down at her. 

“Please touch me,” she whispered, her hands pulling at him. Jackson leaned over her, his thumb pushing up her chin and his mouth moving down her neck, sucking the skin where her pulse fluttered wildly. His mouth moved down to her breast, moving slowly around the swell, his fingers brushing lightly, teasingly over the pebbled peaks until she was pulling his hair to get his mouth where she wanted it. He laughed softly as his tongue raked over the nipple and she moaned and arched into him but he pulled back and blew on it, causing it to harden even more. 

“Jackson, please,” she moaned restlessly. He ignored her and moved over to the other one, teasing it in much the same way. His hands ran up the sides of her legs and he brushed himself against her panties that she knew he could feel were soaking wet. Her whole body felt like it was on fire and she pressed against him, desperate for relief. Jackson swirled his tongue around her nipple and sucked her into his mouth and her ragged moan made his arousal come back to life. He spent long moments moving back and forth until she was bucking urgently against him. “Jax, I want….” Her voice trailed off and he lifted his head, leaned up over her, his mouth teasing hers, his tongue dipping between her lips. 

“It’s been so long, baby, please let me love you the way you deserve to be loved,” he pleaded. “Let me take my time.” She let out a sob as his hand moved down between her legs, moving her lace aside and stroking his fingers over her. "You’re so wet for me," he groaned. “Have you been aching for me? I want you so badly, it hurts,” he groaned as he pressed against her hip. 

”I want…I need you to kiss me….” She whimpered. 

“Where baby?” he asked against her mouth. “Tell me where.” 

“Here,” she whimpered, as she lifted her hips and pressed into his fingers. 

Jackson’s eyes darkened and he moved with her. “Please,” she begged. “I need you.” He kissed her again and slowly moved down her body, his tongue dragging between her breast and down over her stomach. His hands pulled down her panties and hurriedly parted her thighs, shaking in anticipation and arousal. He didn’t tease or take his time, eagerly raking his tongue over her and groaning as she coated his tongue with wet silky heat. 

“You taste so good. Fuck I missed you, I missed this.” His words made her stomach clench and she felt her body begin to shake. His tongue swirled around her clit and then moved down and pressed inside her. 

“Jax” she gasped, her hand clenching his hair. He groaned against her and did it again. He moved back to her clit and his fingers slid inside her, moving slowly in and out, curling while he sucked on her, and Lila didn’t even have time to prepare as she shattered in release. “Oh my God!” she cried out, bucking against him. He worked her through it and then his tongue lazily started again. He smiled against her as she moaned and whimpered, her sounds arousing him to a fever pitch. He licked into her, groaning at the way she moved and writhed against his mouth. It didn’t take long and she fell apart again, her sobs of pleasure falling from her mouth. She shook as he slowly lapped at her and then he moved up her body, stopping at her breasts to tug the nipples into his mouth. She was trembling, moving against him and he reached down and stroked her again, his gaze holding hers as she gasped, lifting to him. 

Jackson was shaking with the need to be inside her, unable to believe that he was here, that he was with her like this again, that he would get to have her again. He had no idea what was going to happen after, but he wasn’t going to waste this moment, this night. She was going to be his again in every way, even if just for the night. He sank his fingers into her and groaned at how her walls clutched at him. 

“More,” she whimpered, so desperate for him that she wanted to consume him as she pulled him down and pressed her mouth to his, straining against him, both of them shaking and desperate and he parted her legs and brushed his arousal over her once, twice and then he thrust deep inside her. Lila cried out at the burn mixed in with the most unbelievable pleasure and he stilled instantly, wrenching his mouth from hers. 

“Fuck, baby, I’m so sorry,” he gasped. In his eagerness he had forgotten that they hadn’t been with anyone for a year and her body wasn’t used to the intrusion. It felt so fucking good and he suddenly realized why, besides the fact that she was amazing and it had been a year, he had forgotten about protection. “Baby, I forgot a condom,” he groaned, working hard to keep from slamming into her again and again. 

“It’s okay,” she whimpered. “Please don’t stop.” He dropped his head to her shoulder and let out a long groan as he felt her throb around him. 

“You’re so tight Lila,” he whimpered against her skin. Her head pressed back into the pillow and her nails dug into his arms, her legs coming up around his waist and Jackson lifted his head and took her lips, his tongue mimicking his body and thrusting into her mouth and she kissed him back eagerly, wild and hot. He couldn’t seem to control himself as he started to thrust, pulling in and out and she suddenly pulled away from his kiss, looking at him wildly and he felt her body tighten. 

“No,” he growled. “Don’t come yet,” he begged, slowly his movements and she whimpered in protest. “Not yet,” he whispered, slowly his movements to an agonizing lazy slow, deep drag. 

“Dammit, Jackson,” she moaned and bit his shoulder raking her nails over his back. Lila couldn’t remember it ever feeling this amazing, like a delicious fire burning through her veins and she felt it in every pore, every limb, every part of her was bursting with pleasure. She dug her nails in and he growled at the sting, thrusting hard, unable to control himself. 

He grabbed her hands and held them over her head, lifting her chest to him and he covered her nipple and sucked and her eyes rolled back and she shuddered. He picked up the pace again and he couldn’t hold back, slamming into her again and again and he felt her begin to shake and tighten again and he lifted his head to watch her face. He watched in awe as she fell apart, her body clenching long and hard on him without any help from his fingers on her clit. The ecstasy on her face and her body clenching on him triggered his own orgasm and he let out a long groan as his body stiffened, his release spilling into her, his whole body shuddering in pleasure. He moved through it before he collapsed on her, hoping he wasn’t crushing her because he couldn’t get his body to move. She had a death grip on him and he never wanted to move. They stayed wrapped up in each other for long moments until their bodies were calm and still. 

“Holy fuck,” he managed to get out in a groan as he slowly pulled away and fell to the side. Lila moaned at the loss and immediately rolled into him and he happily wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. “That was….wow, what just happened?” 

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I got laid and I got laid good,” she sighed, completely boneless and sated. He let out a chuckle and kissed her hair. He glanced at the time and let out another satisfied groan. 

“We can still make the reservation,” he mentioned after a moment. 

“I’d rather just order Chinese food like we always do,” she murmured. Jackson went still at the familiarity of her words, as if they hadn’t just been apart for a year. _Like we always do._

“And then?” he asked softly, not daring to hope or wish for anything. 

“And then I want you to hold me all night because I have missed that more than I can even tell you. I don’t think I’ve slept well in a year. What do you want to do?” she asked shyly. 

“I want to wake up next to you and look at you in the morning light and know you’re my girl,” he spoke quietly. 

“I’ve always been your girl, Jax,” she whispered. He rolled them so they faced each other, his arm curling around her and pulling her tight against him. 

“I love you,” Jackson said, his voice shaky and vulnerable. 

“I love you too,” she smiled, pulling him in for a kiss. A long, slow and lazy kiss that had him aroused again. 

“Lila?” His voice was quiet and hopeful, shaking a little and she knew what he wanted. She took his face in her hands and smiled, tears in her eyes. 

“I want to be with you Jackson Jones,” she whispered. “In every way.” He crushed her to him, holding her so tight she could barely breathe and she didn’t mind at all. 

“I swear to you, I will not screw this up again,” he said firmly. “I promise you, I will not screw this up.” She pulled back slightly and noticed the tears in his eyes. 

“I know,” Lila replied, assuring him that she trusted him, that she knew he meant it. “I won’t either.” She kissed him again and then jumped up and hurried to the bathroom to clean up and was back in his arms in mere minutes. 

“So what now?” he asked, settling back and pulling her on top of him. She cuddled into him and sighed in contentment. 

“Now we just keep doing what we’ve been doing except now with lots of holding each other, kissing and sex. Also, now I get to call you my hot boyfriend again,” she chuckled. 

“God, that sounds amazing,” he breathed, giving her a squeeze. 

"School is going to start soon and we're both going to get really busy," she said softly. "We'll have to really make an effort not to neglect each other." 

"You're going to get the best of me, I promise," Jackson said softly. "We can do this. I can do this."

"I believe in us," she whispered with a smile. "We'll make it work. I also think we should keep our living arrangements as they are,” she added. “Obviously there will be many sleep overs but I think since we’re starting over, that’s a good idea. This way we won’t be….” 

“Taking each other for granted?” he finished softly. She nodded and he kissed her again. “Works for me.” 

"But you can text Logan and let him know that you won’t be home until Monday,” she said casually, snuggling in and closing her eyes. Jackson grinned and pulled the blanket over them. That worked for him as well.


End file.
